Private schools - Are you all rich

[Whatsitreallylike]

Divisive I know, and not a popular MN thing to say (name changed), but I want to send my DD to a local private school.

Its 4-11 only, and is known to be a feeder school to the local grammar (nothing guaranteed of course) so I’d like to give it a shot. I know a lot of 11+ tutoring is also required etc.. and if unsuccessful DD will likely be going to local comp secondary if not grammar as nothing else really around (no private secondaries for some distance).

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.
We have a combined income of £170k pa and not huge outgoings so we’re comfortable, but we’re not rich. We live in a 3 bed semi, have a few investment properties but on the face of it we’re very average. We can afford the extra curricular, school trips, clothes etc… but wondered what average looks like at these schools and will she be faced with comments like ‘you have a small house’, ‘your mums car is 5 years old’ etc… I don’t want her to be an outsider and would rather her at the local state school if she’d be more comfortable there.

With it being a grammar ‘feeder’ I imagine many parents may be in a similar boat to us, comfortable but not flash, investing early in education and hoping for the best. If your kids go to a 4-11 independent school, could you please tell me if I’m right or wrong to be worried please?

They won't be bullied... We are in your position and our DD is thriving.

I thought that everyone who sends their children to private schools are making 'huge sacrifices' to afford it and all have old cars, no holidays and tiny houses. So you should be fine.

You raise some very good points, thank you.

Sorry for the lousy spelling/typos… I just think you have to take a step back and think about the implications of not getting into the grammar as I’d anticipate the risk of being bullied would be higher there after leaving private, plus a little lonely joining established cliques. There’s more movement in the private sector, and smaller year groups, so y7 in most private schools (and again in y9) means lots of opportunity to form new friendship groups. If the local comp is really bad and no chance of improving you might be better off investing in a property in the catchment area of a better school - and then you are paying off equity, rather than risking it all on school fees?

You're rich. Next question.

Yes, I'm very suspicious too

Is the local comp any good? Why not move somewhere with excellent state options?

Yes this.

Especially The vast majority of people raise their children not to talk about money, not to show off if they have it, and not to make judgy comments about people less well off than them.

You are rich btw OP. Richer than the majority of the population - and richer than quite a few private school parents too (and that's even without including those with DC on bursaries).

What she said

Oh bore off and stop being ridiculous-170k salary and investment properties ‘on the face of it pretty average’. This must be a troll post to get people wound up surely?

All of my six children go to private schools and I am not rich in the slightest - I only earn £250k a year. I have to use the profit from a couple of rental properties for two of the school fees!

I also drive a battered old Volvo and DH looks like a hobo. Never been a problem. You'll be fine!

You seem to be asking if your daughter will be bullied because you aren't flashy? I think that is particularly unlikely to be honest. there are all types of wealthy people.

Maybe there are schools that particularly target flashy people in thier marketing.

You casually drop "a few investment properties" the way I'd refer to the "few hundred quid" in my savings account.

I think your worries are unfounded.

The kids don't notice.

We lived in a relatively small house when my kids were at prep but they were popular because (of all things) we had a snake as a pet.

If the school is a feeder for the local grammar the really wealthy will not send there as they'll be aiming for boarding at 13+ and looking towards common entrance.

Absolutely this!!!!!

This made me laugh, thanks. I hope it’s true 😂

Mate!!! We earn that right and we don’t have investment properties and we think we are very well off and send two kids to private school, is this a goady post or what?

As others have already told you, you are very well off. It's unlikely that your DD will be bullied for you not having flashy cars or living in a mansion. Most kids don't care...actually, most parents don't, either.
DS is at an independent school and DD will join him in nursery next year. I'm a single parent (DH walked out 3 months ago so this is a new development) on 60k. My kids being at an independent school means I've got the wraparound care available for me to work. Their school also charges fees based on parents' income. I'm not the only parent there in that position.
Yes, some of the parents are much better off than me. I drive a nearly 20-year-old Citroen and don't work in some high paying job with business meetings all over the world and holiday homes dotted around. We don't go on holiday to Disney World or Christmas shopping in New York. It doesn't matter. The kids don't care. Some of them are envious of our garden, for example, with the trampoline and the swings and the slide. We live further out while they live in the middle of the city with limited outside space. I couldn't afford a property there...

You are joking, right?

Ummm. You are rich. Just like we are.

You have a house, investment properties and a massive income - you might not be an income millionaire but you’re still rich.

And no one at PS will know what you have unless you or your kid tell them. If you can’t afford the ski trips, you just say that you don’t like the cold. If you can’t pay for the overseas sports trip, say you’re already away at that time. No one is going to interrogate you about it.

Every independent school has its own intake. Book a tour, go and park your 5yo car in the car park, watch the other parents dropping their kids off, and you'll soon find out!

£170k a year is most definitely flush, OP!

Thanks everyone. There has been some really helpful advice given here and on balance so think the schools bullying policy is most important as is my DD onward education, so I will do more research.

Im sorry to those who were offended by the OP, I grew up in poverty and am grateful to be in a more privileged position these days. The OP really was just to give context about the way we might ‘appear’ to others, rather than an objective statement of our financial position. But I’ve taken all advice on board, thank you to everyone that posted.

Oh come off it

When I started my child at a very similar school in 2019 fees were initially a bit less than 1k a month and other parents in my son's class included policeman, nurses, bus driver, chef, roofer. There were more affluent parents too but mostly quite normal people.

The school is a grammar feeder but there are a lot of grammar schools in the town (6 or 7?) and probably 4 more within 20 minutes drive.

I don't think you have anything to worry about.