Private schools - Are you all rich

[Whatsitreallylike]

Divisive I know, and not a popular MN thing to say (name changed), but I want to send my DD to a local private school.

Its 4-11 only, and is known to be a feeder school to the local grammar (nothing guaranteed of course) so I’d like to give it a shot. I know a lot of 11+ tutoring is also required etc.. and if unsuccessful DD will likely be going to local comp secondary if not grammar as nothing else really around (no private secondaries for some distance).

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.
We have a combined income of £170k pa and not huge outgoings so we’re comfortable, but we’re not rich. We live in a 3 bed semi, have a few investment properties but on the face of it we’re very average. We can afford the extra curricular, school trips, clothes etc… but wondered what average looks like at these schools and will she be faced with comments like ‘you have a small house’, ‘your mums car is 5 years old’ etc… I don’t want her to be an outsider and would rather her at the local state school if she’d be more comfortable there.

With it being a grammar ‘feeder’ I imagine many parents may be in a similar boat to us, comfortable but not flash, investing early in education and hoping for the best. If your kids go to a 4-11 independent school, could you please tell me if I’m right or wrong to be worried please?

Have a few investment properties etc

Ha ha.

Jokes aside, it depends on the school, the location, the pupils etc.

And - regardless of average income level, the children may not bully each other in this way.

Sorry, we don’t appear to be rich. We’re in a 3 bed semi, don’t drive new cars, no designer gear. We’re not flashy. We’re savers.

So you're able to save a huge amount! ! You're very rich on £170k - of course that's rich!

Yes, she'll fit right in. Do make sure you wring your hands about "sacrifices" you've made OP, perhaps no more seconds skiing holidays for a year or two 🤭

On a more serious note, where do you get your information from?

I think this thread is a huge wind up

OP it's not a nice thread, this. 170k is a lot especially with investments. You sound like a wealthy private school parent already to me.

With an income of £170k, a few investment properties and low outgoings

Since when was this average! 😆😆

Hey OP. We are very similar to you, slightly higher income (but not really as we are London-based!). DD attends an independent day school. I would say Porsches, nanny’s, swimming pools and flash holidays are all pretty standard, but children don’t really think that way. However I suspect that adults do, some PS parents can be quite cliquey, with the richest parents (generally financiers and lawyers) having more in common with each other. I went to private school and wasn’t the richest kid in the class and it didn’t occur to me that this was the case until years later. Our approach is that we picked a school that was the best fit for DD and didn’t over think the financial hierarchy. If you are super materialistic and like to ‘keep up’ with others, you may find it depressing, in terms of the very obvious socioeconomic differences, but I’ve never aspired to being a foot ballers wife type, and many of those with money aren’t particularly educated, just well paid. One thing to bear in mind is fees rise by approx 9% each year and next January they will rise by 20% to include the vat. Once you are in it’s tough to consider moving, definitely a thinker.

I wanted to understand if this would make DD a target for bullies.

But again, no-one here knows which school you're talking about so how can they possibly say?

Literally anything can make a kid a target for bullies, from wearing glasses to having a big nose 🤷‍♂️

You are far from being ‘very average’ @Whatsitreallylike

If you want to send your dd to private school just go ahead. I really can’t imagine many 4 year olds being bothered about where their friends live or what car they’re driven to school in.

What information sorry?

You thinking that’s not rich makes me feel really bad about my life to be honest.

I think what you really need to be asking yourself is whether the school is one where bullying would be allowed to go unchecked. That would be the issue, not whether or not there was ammunition for bullies.

I don’t really like the assumption that rich children are arrogant bullies.

Well, it hasn’t really been started for genuine purposes, has it?

our combined income is definitely not average, but “on the face of it” to look at us, our life, our clothes, our lifestyle, our home and cars, we would appear very average. My question was whether this would make my DD a target, as she may be seen to be an outsider.

That wasn’t my intention at all. And my post has, I think, been misinterpreted. We’re not average, I don’t believe we are. We’re very fortunate in fact. But we ‘appear’ average because we’re not flash. No mansion, no new cars etc…

There is little bullying in our PS. Due to very clear expectations of behaviour and high staff ratios. More likely is some degree of social exclusion, though I have noted this in prep (not lower prep), think along the lines of maybe 3 sets of parents who all rent the same ski chalet, so their kids are very close. Not bullying per se.

People who have money spare can afford private school. Why do you assume everyone at a private school is oligarch level of wealth?!

You are rich. Like most of the other parents will be.

Ye gods, OP, talk about being tone deaf.

You're rich. Just own it.

Lots of people with good incomes don’t wear designer gear & drive flash cars. It really isn’t unusual

Depends on the school I suppose, up here in Yorkshire the very wealthy people tend to be farmers who aren't generally very flash anyway
You have more money than us and we never felt poor amongst the parents at my DC's school, although DS's friend group seems to be from a more wealthy deomgraphic than DD's did.
DD has a part scholarship as well and nobody batted an eyelid.
Do some research into the school you are considering to find out what its like, if they offer a decent discount to staff its one way of making sure there are kids who aren't really "rich"

You are far wealthier than we were when we did it! Grandparents paid our fees and we got a bursary.

Any school that allows bullying wouldn't be a good one!

You’re rich OP, so you have nothing to fear.

Our household income from salary is higher than yours, but we don’t have “investment properties”

Yeah, we are rich, and so are you.

We aren’t as rich as many of the other PS parents we know, but it’s not a source of bullying at the school we use.

So our combined income was about £60k when dcs were in private school

The difference in income has never been an issue.

At £170k, it’s not even a question you should ask. You’ll find many parents dint have flash cars/houses. Some don’t do expensive/ling haul holidays etc….