Private schools - Are you all rich

[Whatsitreallylike]

Divisive I know, and not a popular MN thing to say (name changed), but I want to send my DD to a local private school.

Its 4-11 only, and is known to be a feeder school to the local grammar (nothing guaranteed of course) so I’d like to give it a shot. I know a lot of 11+ tutoring is also required etc.. and if unsuccessful DD will likely be going to local comp secondary if not grammar as nothing else really around (no private secondaries for some distance).

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.
We have a combined income of £170k pa and not huge outgoings so we’re comfortable, but we’re not rich. We live in a 3 bed semi, have a few investment properties but on the face of it we’re very average. We can afford the extra curricular, school trips, clothes etc… but wondered what average looks like at these schools and will she be faced with comments like ‘you have a small house’, ‘your mums car is 5 years old’ etc… I don’t want her to be an outsider and would rather her at the local state school if she’d be more comfortable there.

With it being a grammar ‘feeder’ I imagine many parents may be in a similar boat to us, comfortable but not flash, investing early in education and hoping for the best. If your kids go to a 4-11 independent school, could you please tell me if I’m right or wrong to be worried please?

hence why I said my experience...

The government doesn't collate much on indy schools cos they are independent so don't fall under DfE. That's the point of them being independent. The ISC is pretty much the only body which collates accurate data but it doesn't cover all schools

With that income and investment properties etc you will be better off than many at the private school. There is likely to be at least some who are fat better off than you are too, but depending on where you are they will not want to show it off too much.

I don’t have any stats - which is why I asked you if you had stats.

I stated my opinion from what I know about other parents at my school. Your own post talked about your experience and so I talked about mine.

If neither of us has any data, then we can simply assume that the proportion of parents paying fees from salary is unknown to us both.

Hope that clears things up.

@SheilaFentiman why would I have stats for my experience though?

In my experience it's very common for gps to help/pay but I don't have any stats for that either so assume it's also an unknown.

I simply said "unless you have stats to the contrary"

You don't, that's fine, the answer "no, I don't have stats" would have sufficed.

Have a great day.

😆

The strange thing is, I think the private school parents who say they aren’t rich truly believe that they aren’t.
The fact is, if you can afford to spend thousands a year on private school fees you absolutely ARE rich.
I think it’s perhaps a case of confirmation bias. Maybe spending time amongst other private school parents, some of whom may well be a lot richer than they are, makes them feel less well off in comparison.
Really, despite the whole “but we drive a second hand car and don’t have foreign holidays” they have lost touch with the reality of an average person’s income and lifestyle.

It's generally because many do have to budget to "afford" it and see rich as spending money without thinking, billionaires have skewed it. And depending on the school there will be some families with extreme wealth.

But then that all depends on your definition of "rich". I have seen ridiculous statements on here that anyone earning 50K is rich. That's just plain crazy if we use dictionary definition of "having a great deal of money or assets" because 50k wont get you many assets in today's climate.
I get that if you are on 20K then 50K looks a lot but it can't be classed as "rich" in context of today's house prices etc.
Most people now apply the term incorrectly to anyone on a higher salary than them ie "it's not fair cos I don't earn £XXX therefore the people who do are rich".
It's also about choices eg I earn average salary but purposely chose to only have 1 child, live in NE, keep to a modest house so we could afford independent school at secondary. Other people on my salary choose to have larger houses, foreign holidays etc.

but it can't be classed as "rich" in context of today's house prices etc.

House prices are complicated because of economic policy. You can be a millionaire and still not afford prime central London property but it doesn't mean you are not rich. And you can earn 20k but have a 1m house so aren't poor either.

But statistically a family with 2 dc earning net 11k a month so over 200k a yr puts you in the top 5% of household incomes.

But a 200K household income doesn't usually mean net income.....people generally quote in gross so the net income will be a lot lower than 11K. Unless PP specially said it was 200K net and I missed that?

@twistyizzy Read my post again...

But a 200K household income doesn't usually mean net income.

No shit, do you think 200/12 is 11?

people generally quote in gross so the net income will be a lot lower than 11K.

You are talking about 1 earner but I also said over 200k, 2 earners on 105k each will give you a net of 11k whereas one earner would need to be on 230k for the same net. Depending on how the income is split the gross will vary.

I was just illustrating what net income puts you in the 5% bracket

Ah so you don’t have stats. What makes your personal experience more valuable than anyone else’s? Not really sure exactly what angle you’re taking on this thread and why 😂

I’m new to Mumsnet, but I have to say some of the responses here feel quite harsh. While the OP’s wording could have been clearer, it’s obvious they’re coming from a place of genuine concern.

Yes, their income is high by national standards, but after tax and private school fees, it’s understandable why they’re thinking about long-term affordability. It’s a choice, of course, but one that naturally comes with financial worries if circumstances change.

Some responses have been helpful, but others feel unnecessarily hostile. On the question of bullying—while it depends on the school culture, it’s unlikely a child would be singled out just because their family isn’t ultra-wealthy. That happens in state schools too.

Ultimately, the decision to choose private education should be based on the quality of education, values, and opportunities it offers rather than hypothetical ‘what ifs'.

I think working as a bursar gives me some insight? Many FAs would advise to invest/save early for fees if possible because keeping up with them out of income alone is difficult looking at historic annual increases & that was before VAT.
I'm not sure why I have to have an angle? It's a discussion thread, not everyone will agree & have the same opinion.

It may depend on the school. My parents paid out of income (NHS doctor salary) for us at private school from 4 - 18. I did the same for my 5 children ( I am a lawyer in London) and as far as I am aware my grandchildren at private school have parents doing the same. All these are day school fees paid out of income, not from grandparents, not from savings, not from rental income.

As for what is a high income for most people it will be someone with higher income than they have. I do think some people don't understand that if you earn £200k the state takes not only £100k of that from you in tax but you don't get the 30 free hours (childcare is about £60k for 2 babies in London full time ) so even if your first child is 5 and at full time private school your younger 2 iwll need full time childcare 8am to 6pm 5 days a week 52 weeks a year. You also don't get child benefit these days nor a personal tax allowance etc etc.

The state chose to incentivise higher earners to work less hard and pay less tax and will have to live with the consequences.

The word you're looking for is "Stupendous"

I think the word you’re looking for is “bitter” 😂

I think the word you're looking for is "Twisted" 🥨

170k and you're not rich? Really.

Wow I'm literally poverty on 24k full time equivalent 🙄 currently part time and not even coming out with 1k a month 🫣

Can I ask what do you do as a job? That salary would be a dream

Same... was thinking maybe she put an extra 0 at the end of 17k in error and then realised this is an actual serious post claiming they aren't rich!

Jesus.. my life sucks.. I don't even earn 1% of that 🫣

Of course, all opinions should be welcomed here but it does feel like, given the income you're on and the comments you've made, that perhaps the 'Private Education' section of MN isn't for you.