Primary School punch - AIBU?

[MovingMad87]

DD is in Year 1 (6 years old). A few days ago, I got a call from her school saying she had been punched in the face by a boy in her class, leaving her with a bleeding nose. Awful.

The school explained that DD had been trying to stop this boy from grabbing her friend by the neck. She asked him to stop and told him he should apologise. In response, he punched her. The school suspended him for a day before half-term as a result.

This boy has a history of violent behaviour; scratching, kicking, and punching other children. The school is aware of the issue but as of now haven't really done anything about it.

A few weeks ago, I overheard DDs form tutor telling a parent that their child had a bad day. The teacher had bruises down her leg from being kicked by a different child. While that wasn't the same boy, it reinforced my growing concern that this level of violence is being normalised in the classroom. When I asked DD about it, she wasn't even particularly shocked; apparently, incidents like this happen all the time.

Now, I'm thinking I need to move my child to another school. Possibly private, but I'd rather explore good state school options first. I'll hear what the school has to say in the meeting, but for me, a punch in the face is a red line. A 6-year-old should not be dealing with this. Either the school removes this child, or we leave.

AIBU? Would you move your child?

I'd rather my child's school protected my child from violent pupils who were and this marked them down with ofsted than they had a shiny rating and allowed violent pupils in the school to harm others.

I’ve been there, OP. We had to remove our 6yr old DD from a school after she was assaulted twice by a group of 10yr olds. School was useless, the rights are firmly with the bullies. The school couldn’t or wouldn’t even sit them off the playground, that would have been unfair to the little dears. The safety of other children is really irrelevant, as long as no bully is having their freedom restricted.

We had to move to a private school and fork out the huge costs. I’m just grateful everyday that we can afford it. I shudder to think of the trauma and mental health consequences my DD would suffer if we had to leave her where she was. The private school is expensive, but has many parents making a tight financial sacrifice for the exact same reason.

You won't get outstanding if you are excluding all the time, utter nonsense

@Hoppinggreen I’ve sat on some panels and my experience is similar to yours, especially in respect of family background.

Also have had to overturn suspensions/exclusions where paperwork not completed properly, where it is felt reasonable adjustments not been put in place (even though we know funding is lacking) even where a child has been violent to pupils/staff

@Hoppinggreen I see this so often. I've been involved in probably 200 pupil discipline committee meetings over the last 20 years where the school concerned wanted to permanently exclude a child, or where they had given a long suspension, and in all that time I can only think of three cases involving a primary school child and only one of them was upheld. schools are under such immense and increasing pressure from local authorities not to exclude children, particularly in primary schools, and to do everything possible to find an alternative. Academies will find it a little easier to permanently exclude than a mainstream school but it is still very very rare.

The problem is that it is a temporary sticking plaster. Exclude the DC but continue to ignore their needs. Violent DC returns to school and the cycle continues., many many times before you could consider permanently removing the DC. Repeat the cycle with lots of DC and you have a school with lots of violent children. Or work with the children and to meet their needs, so violence stops.

This is exactly the point I was making earlier. I would bet money that if you took a sample of paperwork from any number of schools, a high proportion of it would have missing/incomplete/incorrect detail.

I guess going to a panel is like going to court in a sense. You need your case prepared and watertight, or you aren’t ticking the required boxes and will get nowhere.

I know - I was a teacher for 28 years and had more than my fair share of bruises, kicks, bites, scratches. My paperwork was in order.

@OhHellolittleone our son's private school made it very clear to us that if he stayed there they would expel him sooner rather than later because his behaviour can be challenging. He is autistic but their policy was so rigid that it couldn't make any allowances for a child who struggles to read other's reactions/feelings. We were willing to pay for his education but have been forced to move him. Their admissions policy allows for this.

I can’t believe there are seriously people in this world who believe that a PEX is appropriate for a six year old. That’s insane. This child is 6.

A suspension cannot later become a PEX, so you will get nowhere asking for the child to be removed. The school can’t legally issue a PEX for an incident that they have already issued a suspension for.

Having said that, the school are doing a crappy job of managing the situation. If a 6 year old is doing things like that it’s on the adults supervising, not the child. There’s a reason the age of criminal responsibility is 10. The adults supervising a child of 6 are the ones responsible for ensuring the child doesn’t do anything dangerous or criminal. The questions you should be asking is why is there not better supervision and management of behaviour. I don’t think moving your child is a bad idea.

Any school that is “regularly” excluding children of 6 has no business educating children at all though, so I wouldn’t move her anywhere that does that.

Just to reassure you OP - my son is totally fine, not traumatised at all. Not to say it's okay to get punched in the face, but he really did move on super quickly and has no lingering issues with this child, his school or anything really. And now that he plays football almost every day, he's gotten far more bruises from his teammates than from that one specific incident.

Again - not saying it's a trivial matter, but a lot of how much your daughter will hold on to this is up to you so hopefully she will move on quickly while you figure out what to do next. It's kind of surprising sometimes how much their wee brains reset after something I find quite difficult to forget!

What are these needs and why are they seen as more important than other children's wellbeing and safety from violence.

I know - I also know of a case where there was a premeditated attack with a sharp object, the victim needed stitches, and the school refused to exclude the attacker for even one day. After following the complaints procedure and getting nowhere, Ofsted were informed and the Headteacher left but the school kept its Outstanding rating (secondary school.)

As a DSL, I can only give a hollow laugh at this response. You might like to think that but many, many children are regularly assaulted at home. Whilst assaulting a child at home is illegal, it is usually not deemed in the public interest to bring a criminal case and in a lot of cases there is just voluntary “early help” offered and then the case gets NFA’d until the next time the child discloses or presents with injuries. I deal with a case like this at least once per half term, sometimes more.

It is not that they are more important. It is about creating a safe learning environment for all DC. Reasonable adjustments, recognising struggles, support with developmental delays, emotional support, modelling ways to manage situations in an appropriate way, applying for an EHCP so the DC is more likely to have a teaching assistant rather than being left at the back of the class and told to basically STFU. Any child can develop negative behaviour when their needs aren't met.

A point worth bearing in mind when considering sending a child to an Outstanding school.

This particular child has been punching, kicking and scratching children for about 8 months now. They have tried lots if interventions and its getting worse; my child now has a bleeding nose... It will continue to get worse...

@Takoneko I cant imagine how stressful and frustrating is for you and others in same situation. Not what you'll have went into teaching for.

As I say, a school with lots of exclusions is a school with lots of DC with unmet needs and therefore a school where DC are more likely to experience violence. Why pick a school like that for your child?

What needs though?

I don’t know of any school in the state sector with lots of exclusions.

You need to put everything in writing. Make sure you complain in writing. Write the impact to your child, how the school is failing to safeguard her, and how they aren't meeting their own policy. Be sure yto quote their own policy back to them. Also take pictures of any injuries.

Unfortunately, your school isn't unusual. My daughter was attacked several times in nursery. The child scratched her face more than once and she has a scar. I complained several times in writing. I also took photos of the injuries and took them to a meeting with the head. He put an extra TA in the class.

In reception and year one another kid started throwing things. She got hit in the head 3 times in 6 weeks. She was scared to go to school because the child started throwing chairs. Several parents did written complaints. He was moved to a different class eventually. During every communication its been about how they will support that child. in the end I told the " with all due respect the support and intervention you offer him are not my concern. I care about my child and her wellbeing. What support are you offering her.

I can't list every need a DC may have 🤣 have a Google of disabilities DC may experience. Physical needs, mobility issues, toileting issues, developmental delays, social difficulties, intellectual difficulties etc.

I very much agree with all you've said. The lack of SEN provision is really problematic

That's horrendous. Every child in that school is probably in danger if their reaction to punching a six year old is one days extra holiday!
The child who punches must have got it from home so maybe him and his family are also being abused? The whole thing sounds bang out of order. Definitely complain and move your child.