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Primary education

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Original poster

Primary School punch - AIBU?

390 replies

MovingMad87 · 18/02/2025 22:53

DD is in Year 1 (6 years old). A few days ago, I got a call from her school saying she had been punched in the face by a boy in her class, leaving her with a bleeding nose. Awful.

The school explained that DD had been trying to stop this boy from grabbing her friend by the neck. She asked him to stop and told him he should apologise. In response, he punched her. The school suspended him for a day before half-term as a result.

This boy has a history of violent behaviour; scratching, kicking, and punching other children. The school is aware of the issue but as of now haven't really done anything about it.

A few weeks ago, I overheard DDs form tutor telling a parent that their child had a bad day. The teacher had bruises down her leg from being kicked by a different child. While that wasn't the same boy, it reinforced my growing concern that this level of violence is being normalised in the classroom. When I asked DD about it, she wasn't even particularly shocked; apparently, incidents like this happen all the time.

Now, I'm thinking I need to move my child to another school. Possibly private, but I'd rather explore good state school options first. I'll hear what the school has to say in the meeting, but for me, a punch in the face is a red line. A 6-year-old should not be dealing with this. Either the school removes this child, or we leave.

AIBU? Would you move your child?

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 19/02/2025 07:29

crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:11

@Liguria reporting to OFSTED does not always bring the result posters think it will. Many times they will ask if the parent has followed the school’s complaint policy before they will do anything.

They are not going to swoop into a school where a child has been punched in the face. Sadly this behaviour is quite common place in schools

Why is this allowed and shrugged off though?
As is often said here, if I was a queue at the canteen at work and a colleague wanted in first so grabbed and punched me to get their way, they'd be sacked and I'd press charges, why in schools is it a 'meh.. it's happening all over, don't make a fuss!'.

crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:29

Behind a behaviour policy you also need to show you have put adjustments/interventions in place to help a child with behavioural issues

If a child is excluded in England a panel has to be convened (usually of governors/Trustees) to decide whether this exclusion should be upheld. The paperwork of evidence they will need to read can run to hundreds of pages.

One local authority has looked into fining schools £20k for every child they exclude.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:29

3WildOnes · 19/02/2025 07:14

I don't think incidents like this happen at most schools as a previous poster suggested! I have three children and none of them has ever been assaulted at school. I would move my child.

I just believe (maybe naively) that there are schools available where this doesn't happen because they have a grip on behaviour. I think I need to find one of those schools for my child asap.

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:30

LizzieBet14 · 19/02/2025 07:18

In my ks2 class (state school), a third of the class have SEN (ASD,ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Speech & Language) yet I don't have a TA to support.
Meltdowns, refusal to work, refusal to come in, hitting, throwing classroom objects is the norm on a day to day basis yet the Head will only really do anything if a number of parents complain.
Schools are severely underfunded yet we're expected to just keep going. At least 3 of the children should have a 1:1 and the domino effect is huge.

I fear that's the way things are heading in this current school....

OP posts:
Mumofoneandone · 19/02/2025 07:30

Sounds like you need to have a long conversation with the school (referencing behaviour policy - well done for finding this) as to what is being done to safeguard children in the classroom from these volatile children.
If you don't think the policy is being followed make it complaint to the school, as this document is there to protect the children.
There maybe things going on in the background that you don't know about (& probably can't) but you do need some reassurance that the situation is actually being properly managed. Sadly the situation will only get worse.
Absolutely right the behaviour should not be normalised.
A child in my son's class was removed last year (Y1) for volatile behaviour that doesn't sound nearly as bad as this situation. And it was pretty horrendous all the same.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:32

welshweasel · 19/02/2025 07:25

My eldest had similar (although not as bad) in year 1, in his 'outstanding' state primary. Culminated in him having his head slammed in a wooden chest lid.

School were trying but didn't have enough support for the many kids who needed it. They also said they were struggling as parents were refusing to work with them on disciplinary/behavioural strategies.

We ended up moving him to private after a term of year 1 and never looked back. We are obviously extremely lucky to have this option, but I don't regret it for a second.

I am currently looking at a private option and an outstanding state Church of England school option - both of which I think would likely be better. At the very least my 6 year old won't get punched at school... which I don't think is too much to ask 😭

OP posts:
Goldbar · 19/02/2025 07:32

If you're in London, I'd look around other state schools first. A lot of primary schools aren't full due to falling birth rates/families moving out and so, especially post-reception admissions frenzy, you may find places available at some wonderful schools.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:33

crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:29

Behind a behaviour policy you also need to show you have put adjustments/interventions in place to help a child with behavioural issues

If a child is excluded in England a panel has to be convened (usually of governors/Trustees) to decide whether this exclusion should be upheld. The paperwork of evidence they will need to read can run to hundreds of pages.

One local authority has looked into fining schools £20k for every child they exclude.

I find that bizarre because keeping children like that in school means that all the other children suffer...

OP posts:
LilyFox · 19/02/2025 07:34

Just go private. This kind of shit isn't tolerated there.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:34

Mumofoneandone · 19/02/2025 07:30

Sounds like you need to have a long conversation with the school (referencing behaviour policy - well done for finding this) as to what is being done to safeguard children in the classroom from these volatile children.
If you don't think the policy is being followed make it complaint to the school, as this document is there to protect the children.
There maybe things going on in the background that you don't know about (& probably can't) but you do need some reassurance that the situation is actually being properly managed. Sadly the situation will only get worse.
Absolutely right the behaviour should not be normalised.
A child in my son's class was removed last year (Y1) for volatile behaviour that doesn't sound nearly as bad as this situation. And it was pretty horrendous all the same.

Edited

Yes - my husband has printed out the behaviour policy, studied it and will be asking them in detail how they are following it...

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:34

@MovingMad87 underfunding is a problem for most schools. Not enough funding for SEND, not enough provision of places in special schools, not enough outside help. Children will be placed on waiting lists 2 or 3 years long for help.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:35

Goldbar · 19/02/2025 07:32

If you're in London, I'd look around other state schools first. A lot of primary schools aren't full due to falling birth rates/families moving out and so, especially post-reception admissions frenzy, you may find places available at some wonderful schools.

Yes - there is an outstanding Church of England state one down the road which some friends go to. I will try them definitely.

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 07:36

LilyFox · 19/02/2025 07:34

Just go private. This kind of shit isn't tolerated there.

I went to a private school from 7-18 and absolutely nothing of the sort was tolerated there. I really thought this local state school would be great for her before we went private at 11, but frankly we might have to move sooner....

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:48

As your child is KS1 there will be limit on how many children can be admitted, as can only have 30 (with some limited exceptions) in a class to one teacher. You might be lucky if potential new school is not
oversubscribed.

A child who is excluded from one school can be enrolled at another school. Exclusion does not mean being excluded from all schools

OutandAboutMum1821 · 19/02/2025 08:11

There definitely are. My DS is in Year 1, and the main reason behaviour throughout the school is exemplary is because he has a Head Teacher who is a proper leader with some backbone. She refuses to tolerate any poor behaviour from either pupils or parents (violent children are excluded and parents who are violent on site are banned), and as a result the children who do behave well and the parents who do parent and support the school benefit hugely from a calm, safe learning environment. Children rise to her clear boundaries and high expectations, zero excuses. I have so much respect for her! Speak to potential future Head Teachers- the right one can completely transform a school for sure (we actually live in a deprived area, but our school’s results are now in the top 5% of the whole country!).

UghFletcher · 19/02/2025 08:11

This happened to DS in Yr1, the schools behaviour policy was all 'let's talk about everyone's feelings' rather than not tolerating violence. So many meetings with teachers, headteachers talking about behaviour policies and safeguarding etc... all to no avail, nothing ever got done about it (I also realise that underfunding of support is an issue as there was no TA in the class)

Moved him to a CoE primary down the road and it's refreshing to see they don't accept any type of violence or bullying and are swift in their actions. They have consequences for the perpetrators.

Coffeeteasugar · 19/02/2025 08:13

I think you’re naive to think there are schools this doesn’t happen in. I’m a supply teacher so go to lots of different schools and there is usually at least one child in every yr group (particularly in KS1) who has violent outbursts. I was hit by a 5yo last week and my friend has been repeatedly hit by a child in her class. There’s nothing to be done as permanent exclusion is almost impossible.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 08:15

crumblingschools · 19/02/2025 07:48

As your child is KS1 there will be limit on how many children can be admitted, as can only have 30 (with some limited exceptions) in a class to one teacher. You might be lucky if potential new school is not
oversubscribed.

A child who is excluded from one school can be enrolled at another school. Exclusion does not mean being excluded from all schools

I think our school is taking all the kids who've been excluded from other schools. I've heard from other parents that the other ark school nearby just finds a way to not take them. So a high proportion are ending up in our school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 08:18

OutandAboutMum1821 · 19/02/2025 08:11

There definitely are. My DS is in Year 1, and the main reason behaviour throughout the school is exemplary is because he has a Head Teacher who is a proper leader with some backbone. She refuses to tolerate any poor behaviour from either pupils or parents (violent children are excluded and parents who are violent on site are banned), and as a result the children who do behave well and the parents who do parent and support the school benefit hugely from a calm, safe learning environment. Children rise to her clear boundaries and high expectations, zero excuses. I have so much respect for her! Speak to potential future Head Teachers- the right one can completely transform a school for sure (we actually live in a deprived area, but our school’s results are now in the top 5% of the whole country!).

This is the kind of leadership I am talking about. This is what I expected to be honest. I'm really disappointed. And it's such a shame because my daughter has wonderful friends and I think the teaching is good. But the violence that's happening is unacceptable.

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 08:19

UghFletcher · 19/02/2025 08:11

This happened to DS in Yr1, the schools behaviour policy was all 'let's talk about everyone's feelings' rather than not tolerating violence. So many meetings with teachers, headteachers talking about behaviour policies and safeguarding etc... all to no avail, nothing ever got done about it (I also realise that underfunding of support is an issue as there was no TA in the class)

Moved him to a CoE primary down the road and it's refreshing to see they don't accept any type of violence or bullying and are swift in their actions. They have consequences for the perpetrators.

Yep - I'm hoping the CofE one down the road might save us but I want to talk to the headteacher in depth so that I'm not going from the frying pan to the fire 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 08:20

Coffeeteasugar · 19/02/2025 08:13

I think you’re naive to think there are schools this doesn’t happen in. I’m a supply teacher so go to lots of different schools and there is usually at least one child in every yr group (particularly in KS1) who has violent outbursts. I was hit by a 5yo last week and my friend has been repeatedly hit by a child in her class. There’s nothing to be done as permanent exclusion is almost impossible.

Surely we can't as a society say that this is the norm? And that it happens everywhere so we just have to accept it? Because if that's the case then I will absolutely have to go private.

OP posts:
Showercap22 · 19/02/2025 08:20

LizzieBet14 · 19/02/2025 07:18

In my ks2 class (state school), a third of the class have SEN (ASD,ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Speech & Language) yet I don't have a TA to support.
Meltdowns, refusal to work, refusal to come in, hitting, throwing classroom objects is the norm on a day to day basis yet the Head will only really do anything if a number of parents complain.
Schools are severely underfunded yet we're expected to just keep going. At least 3 of the children should have a 1:1 and the domino effect is huge.

I've experienced the same and when a child threatened my TA with a pair of scissors and went off sick with high blood pressure (she will no longer work in my room), the headteacher asked ME what should be done about it, and the words 'we can't just get rid of him'.

I'm leaving at Easter.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 19/02/2025 08:22

CaptainFuture · 19/02/2025 07:29

Why is this allowed and shrugged off though?
As is often said here, if I was a queue at the canteen at work and a colleague wanted in first so grabbed and punched me to get their way, they'd be sacked and I'd press charges, why in schools is it a 'meh.. it's happening all over, don't make a fuss!'.

Show quote history

Because children have a right to be in school, therefore schools have to go through a lot of processes to exclude them, and if the child has additional needs, the school will have to prove that it has been doing its best to meet those needs. It's not at all the same as a work situation for an adult.

Original poster
MovingMad87 · 19/02/2025 08:22

@Showercap22 that is incredibly frustrating/sad. I don't blame you for leaving.

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 19/02/2025 08:26

LizzieBet14 · 19/02/2025 07:18

In my ks2 class (state school), a third of the class have SEN (ASD,ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Speech & Language) yet I don't have a TA to support.
Meltdowns, refusal to work, refusal to come in, hitting, throwing classroom objects is the norm on a day to day basis yet the Head will only really do anything if a number of parents complain.
Schools are severely underfunded yet we're expected to just keep going. At least 3 of the children should have a 1:1 and the domino effect is huge.

This. It's awful but normal. I myself am kicked, bitten or punched almost daily and many many more staff have it much worse. We deal with peer to peer violence strongly with the behaviour policy but we have no money for extra staff or extra supervision. We have also been told to reduce our already small amount of suspensions so we all get on with it.