Primary School punch - AIBU?

[MovingMad87]

DD is in Year 1 (6 years old). A few days ago, I got a call from her school saying she had been punched in the face by a boy in her class, leaving her with a bleeding nose. Awful.

The school explained that DD had been trying to stop this boy from grabbing her friend by the neck. She asked him to stop and told him he should apologise. In response, he punched her. The school suspended him for a day before half-term as a result.

This boy has a history of violent behaviour; scratching, kicking, and punching other children. The school is aware of the issue but as of now haven't really done anything about it.

A few weeks ago, I overheard DDs form tutor telling a parent that their child had a bad day. The teacher had bruises down her leg from being kicked by a different child. While that wasn't the same boy, it reinforced my growing concern that this level of violence is being normalised in the classroom. When I asked DD about it, she wasn't even particularly shocked; apparently, incidents like this happen all the time.

Now, I'm thinking I need to move my child to another school. Possibly private, but I'd rather explore good state school options first. I'll hear what the school has to say in the meeting, but for me, a punch in the face is a red line. A 6-year-old should not be dealing with this. Either the school removes this child, or we leave.

AIBU? Would you move your child?

You might want to step back thinking you’re the only disabled person commenting on this thread as a side note. You do not have authority here.

I have never said disabled people are violent. What I have said 6 year olds engaging in violent behaviour likely have underlying SEN. That is a fact.

@Ritzybitzy I have never once said I am the only disabled person, but I am confidently able to speak about ableism since I have experienced it for my whole life. Many people on this thread have made it clear they don't understand it at all and seem to believe that it means "a disabled person said something I don't like" or whatnot. I actually never presume the ability status of someone online as many people have some degree of disability and many disabled people are not that informed about ableism. All I can speak on is my own knowledge.

Not your 6 year old.

Also, you and others have incessantly connected disability and violence. Trying to backpedal that now is a bit shady.

The child I'm referencing says things like "I can get you to lose your job" or "I'll say you've done things to me to get you into trouble" to his PSAs - hence always 2 with him.
He has also said that he behaves himself at clubs because he knows he'll be asked to leave if he doesn't.

So he IS picking and choosing when to behave

We don’t yet know the long term impact on small girls of regularly being attacked at school and being made to feel it’s kind to accommodate it, because the uptick in violence is relatively recent. And we don’t know the impact of such a disrupted education on such a wide scale, as it wasn’t the norm 15 years ago for a school to underfund everything in order to employ enough 1-2-1s, and for classrooms to be evacuated on a regular basis due to violence.

It’s all a big unknown and deeply worrying.

The victim blaming here...

I definitely haven’t made any assumptions. I will rephrase earlier comment and hope it clears things up for you.

all disabled people deserve equity.

deaf people deserve reasonable adjustments and adaptations so they can access society.

wheel chair users deserve reasonable adjustments and adaptions so they can access society.

children with SEN deserve reasonable adjustments and adaptations so they can access society. A large proportion of SEN kids have behaviour / conduct / neurodevelopmental / learning etc disorders.

removal of support for any of those groups will
prevent them from accessing society. When dealing with 6 year olds in the latter category that often results in significant difficulties regulating their emotions and impulses leading to violent behaviour.

is that clearer?

There IS a link between violence and SEN.

Children with SEN are also more likely to be socially excluded by peers, permanently excluded from school and bullied by peers and their parents.

They have a mountain to face. ALL of them.

DS2 was a victim of severe bullying for four years at secondary school. We did everything we could, but it wasn't enough. I didn't have the financial means to homeschool him, send him to a school far away, or pay for private education. After he completed his GCSEs with good grades, he gave up on school and started working. The school did nothing because, realistically, they couldn’t do much. Children who bully receive some support, but the victims of bullying don’t. The bullies went unpunished and continued to target other kids. But that’s just the way it is—you have to accept it. Tell your child to soldier on until she graduates.

It's wild to me that nothing can be done about that. The state of it...

What happened to your son is really sad. I find it very hard to accept that this is the way it has to be.

Our LA won't do anything unless "a weapon " is involved (presumably a knife). We've tried to point out that anything - a fist, scissors, a chair - can be classed as a weapon but it fell on deaf ears.
These children get horse riding, trips to the cafe, swimming etc - the victims get nothing.

I don't blame you for moving your little girl. Whatever measures the school have put in place are obviously not working if he's getting more violent. Go and have a good look round some other schools and get her moved

I really wish they rounded up all these badly behaved kids and dump them together with Police as their teachers.
Oh and before people jump on me, this would be after they're proven to not have any SEN.
SEN is used as an excuse so much now to cover for poor parenting and nasty kids, when they don't have any SEN, and are just a wanker.

Case in point, WRT my post.

Unbelievable.

Really undermines the “ooh but they must have SEN”, “remember, all behaviour is communication!” brigade.

I guarantee you’ll see his name in the paper in 20 years.

These stories of absolutely shocking behaviour from kids with no regard or consideration for authority, or for the well-being of those around them really make me see why some parents just send the older sibling/cousin to the school gates to sort these little shits out properly.

Also makes you see why mums and dads can get into physical fights with each other.

@Kibble29

Yep. You get tired of all those platitudes after a while.

He's only the most recent in a long line. Every time one goes to High school another one takes his place.
It's like whack a mole

Yep. Every secondary school I know is run like a prison at the moment

While the parents no doubt sit at home saying “that teacher has it in for my little Levi. He’s done nothing wrong, he’s just expressing himself and that bitch of a teacher can’t stand him. I’ll be complaining, I sent a message to the paper on Facebook and told them. I want her job gone.”

Hopeless.

Our child's mother is a teacher so rather than sympathising with the staff, she's googled every condition possible to claim hs has. When one is dispelled she comes up with a different one.
Nightmare.

I am actually lost for words.

Scissors are definitely a weapon. Goodness me...

I will definitely be looking at other options. Have to see what else is out there. There has to be something better.