Primary School punch - AIBU?

[MovingMad87]

DD is in Year 1 (6 years old). A few days ago, I got a call from her school saying she had been punched in the face by a boy in her class, leaving her with a bleeding nose. Awful.

The school explained that DD had been trying to stop this boy from grabbing her friend by the neck. She asked him to stop and told him he should apologise. In response, he punched her. The school suspended him for a day before half-term as a result.

This boy has a history of violent behaviour; scratching, kicking, and punching other children. The school is aware of the issue but as of now haven't really done anything about it.

A few weeks ago, I overheard DDs form tutor telling a parent that their child had a bad day. The teacher had bruises down her leg from being kicked by a different child. While that wasn't the same boy, it reinforced my growing concern that this level of violence is being normalised in the classroom. When I asked DD about it, she wasn't even particularly shocked; apparently, incidents like this happen all the time.

Now, I'm thinking I need to move my child to another school. Possibly private, but I'd rather explore good state school options first. I'll hear what the school has to say in the meeting, but for me, a punch in the face is a red line. A 6-year-old should not be dealing with this. Either the school removes this child, or we leave.

AIBU? Would you move your child?

No. I expect you to step back and recognise they’re 6 and leave it at the door.

The child with cognitive needs (whatever they may be) has their needs unmet and bothers others in a way that isn’t socially acceptable and they’re demonised.
And now you're down playing being violently assaulted to 'being bothered'... yes @MovingMad87 at least you know what you'll be up against in the meeting!

Because the way those kids behave isn’t always violent. 🙄

@Ritzybitzy If in the meeting they could demonstrate to me previous steps they have taken to improve this child's behaviour and progress that has been made, I would feel like they had a grip of the situation and some of their interventions might be working. If they could also then demonstrate what they are going to put in place to try and safeguard better I would be more inclined to let her stay. But only if I could see concrete changes. Another parent in my daughter's class told me of a problem he had with his older daughter where essentially she was being stalked and attacked by another child in her class. They progressively moved him further and further away from his daughter, but he would run out of his new classroom to try and find her and attack her again.

I listened to the story in horror; apparently this went on for 8 months. But the parents were constantly told about steps and measures taken towards this child - so I hope it's the same for us.

Your child isn’t on the receiving end of persistent behaviour. It’s an isolated incidence.

Do the school a favour - move your child.

🙄What about when the kid who was hit is crying the following morning because they’re scared to go to school, in case it happens again?

Or when they go to bed that night wondering why (classmate) hates them enough to punch them.

The angry reactions of parents aren’t for their own benefit, it’s them advocating for their kid.

Parents should do that fiercely and without apology to anyone.

Why should her child have to move?

This.

Move the kid who hit her.

Literally not what’s happening here and rarely does at that age.

And, as I’ve said elsewhere, she should be supported. But being supported doesn’t mean a witch hunt for a 6 year old.

Because the primary schools doesn’t have the time or resources to deal with its mother. And she will be fine wherever she goes because she has her mother and a family back ground that allows for private school.

Thought schools were supportive of all children's needs?...
Why for this child's needs to be met it's a 'move'.
What you're saying is your school doesn't like parents and is dismissive of them if they advocate for their child who's being attacked?

Yeah you are right but not the council paid for kids so it can be a mixed bag.

This child doesn’t have needs.

Can you not see how mental this sounds?

One child hits another, but the victim’s family can afford private school so let’s get her out because we don’t have time to deal with the mum.

And people wonder why violence against classmates and teaching staff is skyrocketing. It’s because of this culture where the perpetrators are treated like poor little victims themselves. These kids grow up to be entitled, arrogant, obnoxious teenagers who think nobody can touch them.

Imagine I flipped your suggestion around and said to throw the puncher out. We don’t have time to fanny around with giving him a quiet corner or extra breaks and assigning a TA to watch him. No resources, sorry. He’ll be fine though, he can go to another school.

I have spent nearly an hour trying to explain to her why she has no right to information that is literally protected by law. A grown adult. No primary schools do not have the time and should not spend time to parents who think they’re entitled to information about children when in fact they should be supporting those children.

That is exactly the sort of thing that is causing violence to escalate. Wasting professionals time on nonsense.

Feel free to turn it around. I will to you.

Teacher has an hour. Do they spend it:

a) pandering to a parent
b) planning an intervention to support a child.

We had a child who caused facial injuries to the HT a nd another requiring A and E.
His mother said it was their fault for not meeting his needs - he spits, throws stuff and generally runs amok with w PSAs with him continually.
Amazingly he behaves perfectly well at Boys Brigade and tae kwon do because he knows he'll be thrown out if he doesn't and that won't happen in school.

Tell me you don’t work in SEN without telling me you don’t work in SEN.

Tell me you're sanctimonious by being sanctimonious...

That is exactly the sort of thing that is causing violence to escalate. Wasting professionals time on nonsense.

?

If there's one phrase I can't stand it's "Tell me you xxxx without telling me xxxx"

Can't work ouf if you think I do or don't work in SEN 🤔

It’s very clear.

Not to me it isn't. Please enlighten me

@MovingMad87 Thank you. Glad you're going to show your displeasure. If the child is having SEN that ecaserbates violence then they need to focus on keeping other kids safe while teaching the violent one to minimise their behaviour, in a different environment if necessary.
One or two violent children shouldn't be able to negatively affect all the others learning.

Enlighten you about what? That don’t understand why a child might be able to regulate themselves in some environments but not others?

or why it’s obvious that you don’t work in SEN? If this because you don’t know the answer to the former. When looking at conduct disorders, behaviour disorders, neurodevelopmental disorders, disorders of the brain or just good old SEMH it’s pretty basic that ability to regulate and manage behaviour is significantly impacted by the environment. It’s nothing to do with them choosing to control their behaviour because it suits them to do so. That’s actually pretty advanced behaviour and isn’t common in any 6 year old let alone ones with needs.

Multiple posters insisting that there must be an inherent link between violence and disability honestly disgusts me. It's no wonder Mumsnet is regarded as an ableist space that doesn't protect disabled people on par with others. Even when you are directly told you're being actively offensive, you double down and keep insisting that no, no, kids who violently assault others, strangle and hit hard enough to draw blood are obviously just the same as a child in a wheelchair...!

That is ableism. You may not want to acknowledge it, but it is. It's ableism and it's shameful.