Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

I think as long as the school is inclusive about uniform modifications where needed they don't need to extend to all the kids.

There is nothing wrong with teaching kids that there are times (like school) to look a bit smarter

The problem with this stance is that it makes a uniform that ND kids can more easily cope with an extra, something that's within a head's gift. It sets up the children needing adjustments as the ones who are different, instead of choosing something that doesn't other them to start with. And this is in the best case scenario that the parent feels able to approach the school about it, then the school are instantly fine as soon as the issue is raised. Which is optimistic. This is why it's a bad approach.

It's not as if traditional school uniform equates with smart anyway. Kids can still look bedraggled in shirts, ties and blazers. There'll be no less dinner and paint spilled.

Most private schools don’t have uniform in the sixth form here, the very time when you’d expect this to be more of an issue. And most FE/ sixth form colleges don’t have it either.
Even the very well-off pupils in my daughter’s private school wore their own uniform equivalent of jeans and sweatshirts or t-shirts.
I had children of both sexes in both systems and it caused no problems if they had no uniform requirement.

Your arguments would be true IF you didn’t ALSO have to buy normal clothes for your kids. But you do. Do you end up having to spend twice, once for a set of uniform, once for your non-uniform wear. On top, uniform is much more expensive and poorer quality, doubly disadvantaging poorer people. And as for expensive clothes on display, kids will meet at birthday parties, after school, in the holidays, and even during the school day, and they will have different shoes, pens, and their parents will take them in different cars, so it’s just life.

And as for expensive clothes on display, kids will meet at birthday parties, after school, in the holidays, and even during the school day, and they will have different shoes, pens, and their parents will take them in different cars, so it’s just life.

And expensive brand names aside, which I think affects secondary school more, children will soon work out who has more money even with uniform.
For those from better off homes, if there is a choice of items they will have one of each, for school shirts/blouses, they will have enough to have a clean one on every day, but those worse off have to make do with the same shirt each day of the week. So it's not quite the big leveller that uniform enthusiasts think.

Added to which some Heads are very keen on strict uniform which apes the Prep schools of sixty years ago. Instead of going for uniform which is practical, comfortable and reasonably priced.

The best school I worked at provided children with school brand jumpers (plain with logo) and they wore,plain white t-shirts and plain black joggers. It was a small SEMH school and there were still issues with young people sneaking hoodies under jumpers (why???) and there were school shoe rules that there were minor issues over but honestly it wasn't as much of a big deal because the uniforms were very simple, comfortable and some of it provided by the school.

I loved it there.

I disagree. The broke kids may have one or two good outfits to pull out for birthday parties and out of school meetups but not enough to have a nice varied wardrobe for school five days a week (I was broke and got picked on for always having the same outfits)

Plus uniforms are typically dark trousers and pinafores/skirts, the kids whose clothes aren't washed properly it won't show up as badly. If they tried to pull off what they thought was a nice pink or white dress but was actually grey from not being washed properly or stained well I remember this happening to a girl and let's say the other kids weren't nice

In my school anyone who had sent their children in on photo day wearing PE kit had to wear random pieces from the Welfare Spare Clothes Cupboard!!! Why would parents deliberately sabotage class photo day? Beyond me!

I think you’ll find that most actually send their kids in wearing uniform as they’ll want the nice smart photo of their child in their uniform, regardless of what they say on the group.

Sound like a very toxic group and I’d be very tempted to put a message on saying something along the lines of you are taking a break from WhatsApp groups for a bit as need a screen detox yada yada, I’d stick my phone number in the chat and ask to be kept up to date with with social events for the kids then I’d leave the group. Not rocking any boats, not saying it’s because they sound like a bunch of crazies, just simply you’re taking a break from WhatsApp groups in general. And don’t go back!

I’d also find a way to increase your daughters resilience. A very cheesy saying but “you can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf” kind of chat with her will hopefully help her realise that we can’t control what others do in life but we can control how we react to it. It’ll hopefully come with age for her too.

You tell your child that in her school pics she will look nice and smart. If they want their kids to not have uniform on for picture day thats there problem. Rules in school are there to keep them safe secure and not be different to others. It’s why we have uniforms so that everyone is seen as equal. Anyway maybe you can become parent governor of the school and when parents like that don’t follow the rules you can ask the head to step in to make some sterner rules. 😂

@AgeX did your DD say how the school handled the children who arrived in PE kit? Did they take their photos as-is, make them change into whatever was in the lost-and-found bin, exclude them from the photos, or something else?

The school should have a parent contract and where parents are breaching that contract, they can take action. I used to act for a lot of schools and they were often on the phone to our regulatory team, which had a schools specialism, particularly in relation to parental contract issues. If they've signed up to the school and were provided with the uniform policy, and/or a parent contract in advance, they have no real choice but to follow the rules. If that school were my client, they would likely have taken legal advice, if not action, by now. If they don't know they can, they need to speak to a lawyer and I'm happy to recommend a specialist team if you want. This is appalling conduct by the parents.

I REALLY hope school keeps the kids in that aren’t in uniform or sends them home! I would be saying they can’t have photos taken!

If I was the head teacher I’d be sending kids and parents home as they walked into the playground with a simple ‘sorry no one is coming into school without uniform, please take the kids home and change!’

It kind of amazes me that these parents actively encourage their kids to be rebellious arse holes…. Guess which kids will be vaping in the school loos and skipping class in a few years time!….
At seniors turning up in non uniform will see them in isolation.
I’d be tempted just to pop a message on next time saying ‘mine will be wearing full uniform because I’d rather she was used to it now prior to seniors 🙂

I don't think it's right to punish kids for the choices made by parents though. Isolation is detrimental to education - although a teacher can set work, it's not the same as being taught properly, in the classroom. Since schools are always saying that every day in school is essential, they need to find ways to manage situations without causing disadvantage to the children.

Some posters on this thread have said that if kids aren't properly dressed, the school should put them in the manky lost property stuff - again this is punishing children for choices that adults have made and that doesn't sit well with me. School should be a place where kids feel happy, not somewhere that adults play out their petty power struggles with them in the middle.