Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

Surely you can't be the only one towing the line? Are there other parents you can talk to from the group?

I think other mumsnetters are missing the point. It's not about uniform it's a total disregard for the school's decisions. They're choosing to undermine the school like a bunch of teenagers.

Nailed it right there. 🙌They obviously have a lot of spare time on their hands. Ignore. You do you OP and your DC will grow up respecting, even if not agreeing, with school/work rules etc

Must be some overbearing pain in the arse dominating the group, fuck 'em tbh. Be proud of yourself that you are clearly showing you won't follow this idiot and are doing your own thing. Be polite but keep WhatsApp at arms length.

I bet the school already has their numbers. This isn't the only place they'll be being arsey.
But school photos? What a stupid thing to get militant about? I mean, it's not the teacher/Head who's going to have the picture on their mantelpiece with the child looking a mess, is it?

I've given this some thought (ex teacher..). I'd be upfront with the school and send an email to the head saying something like '....was a bit upset coming in today and discovering she was one of the few in uniform and is in need of some reassurance that she's in the right attire. We are finding that with so many parents from her class rejecting the uniform policy it is causing lot of upset. Would it be acceptable for....to also wear PE kit tomorrow? It is difficult for us to know the right way forward.'

That way you haven't told tales on the wattsapp group you've just highlighted a problem they presumably already know they have and they will have to decide what action they'll take.

Parents who behave like children are the school's problem, not yours. And that is one of the many reasons why I am an ex teacher.. .

As an aside, I've worked for a couple of heads who I would love to see dealing with this situation. One would probably go down the route of phoning parents at work and demanding they bring the child's uniform within the next 30 minutes otherwise their child would be excluded from the photo and all other activities that day. The other would have the children change into relics from lost property and take great glee in handing out the photographs.

We've had this a little bit too with parents bending the rules e.g. trainers instead of school shoes, hoodies instead of jumpers/cardigans, or PE kit = non-uniform day essentially! The thing is - it wouldn't happen of the school sent a clear message every now and again.

Teach your child some resilience. It's ridiculous that she's "distressed" about what other children are wearing. You are feeding her anxiety about this with all your disapproval and hand wringing about the feckless parents in the WhatsApp group.

@Parker231

the. Her child will miss out on all the social meet ups & birthday parties. Thats not the solution

Do you have children?
Lots and lots of children would get upset if they turned up for school wearing different clothes to everyone else.
Hang around a school gate on a dress up day and you'll see lots of children freaking out about being different. Or on p.e day when they come to school in uniform rather than p.e kit...tears galore!

She's 7 snd still very very young.

Ha! That's reminded me of an office I worked in during 2000 & 2001. It was corporate wear Monday through Thursday, and casual on Friday & Saturday.

Also casual on Bank Holidays, which I didn't know about the first time I worked one. I went in wearing my usual Monday-through-Thursday gear. I was the butt of the jokes for the day, I mean you'd think I'd gone in fancy dress, not a skirt & blouse. And we were adults. 😅

It’s my opinion that there have always been parents like this, but social media means everybody knows about them (when it used to be just the staff) and their opinions so it’s all way more in your face and thus, on your mind.
When my children were small, I was eager to be friendly and make connections, so engaged a lot more, and like you, felt quickly overwhelmed/saddened. Over the years it became apparent that there were about 8 regular contributors/pot stirrers out of over 100 members. They were opinionated bullies really, on a bit of a power trip, and quite entitled and demanding. There are people like this everywhere, but it’s particularly noisy when that’s the only people who post so it feels quite different to the reality - they’re probably the minority and they are embarrassing themselves and their children in front of everyone!
Some people have no decorum.
There’s no harm in letting the school know, so they can communicate accordingly.

They really sound ridiculous. Let them embarrass themselves ( and their children).

I was a teacher and the WhatsApp groups are horrible. Parents generally with their own take on things they haven’t witnessed, throw in their own bias and it goes to pot. All winding each other up. I refuse to be in any parents group, Facebook, WhatsApp or any other platform. I’ve seen life on both sides and ultimately the groups are no good. I did join my DD’s highschool Facebook and lasted 3 hours 🤨 It was enough for me. Nowhere is perfect, schools are run by humans and humans are flawed. Just like us parents. But these parents clearly aren’t making a mistake. This is downright rude and for want of a better word (o can’t think of one) it’s almost like bullying in an indirect kind of way. I’m not sure how well rounded their kids will be going forward, but I’m sure when it rubs off on the kids it’ll automatically be the schools fault.

I understand where you’re coming from with invites, but I’ve even had that thrown in my face on WhatsApp once. DD was oblivious though. The best message I’d give is archive the group so you can still see messages but on your terms, filtering out the noise. Then next birthday send out paper invites

Although school photograph day will inevitably fall on one of the year groups PE day

I'm shocked parents would be this immature and petty, what exactly are they trying to achieve or are these the parents of the thick kids so they aren't achieving anyway. I'm assuming there's some parent with a personal agenda and the ring leader and the rest are pathetic followers. I'd ditch the group.

Your daughter is 7 & can presumably read!
show her the letter from school telling her what she should be wearing & that everyone else is wrong!
you need to show her rules are there to be followed, or she’s just going to fall in line with the others.

it’s not about uniform, it’s about your expectations of her behaviour! If it was smoking, vaping, drink, drugs you’d expect her to follow school rules and the law … set out those expectations now, don’t either of you be lead astray & allow your daughter to understand it’s ok to be different when you’re doing the right thing.

I’m not over reacting, you’re potentially 4/5 years of some of those scenarios!

& I’d have a quiet word with the head & tell them what’s going on & that their reaction also isn’t about uniform but reinforcing behaviours, policy and authority!

What childish attitudes from them. What a bunch of cows they sound. Is it the law to belong to this group or is it possible to get a child through school without?
Like we used to before Whatsapp, mobile phones and people who make like so difficult for those in the village who help them (teachers, nurses, police, etc)

Unfortunately, my DD’s class WhatsApp group is a bit like this. One women likes to whip up all the others. She clearly thinks she should be running the school. I would love it if she went through teacher training, became a teacher and worked her way up to becoming a headteacher. Unfortunately that will never happen because why bother when she already knows how to run a school better than anyone else? Whilst she has her groupies, she annoys the majority of the others. On the other hand, my son’s class WhatsApp is positive, friendly and just sticks to useful info. It is just luck what type of group you get.

And they will be the first to complain when all the teachers/TAs leave and their entitled little angels are getting sent home day after day! Idiots!!!

Not the way to go about it perhaps but I wish there was true parental choice to send them to more relaxed schools with no uniform.

Particularly at secondary school - if parents got together en masse and protested the ridiculous regimes set up by academy trusts then they would have no remit to enforce them. Most people are too busy and too tired, and just trying to get them through this stage and onto the next and usually much better one.

In my children's school, we get the same reminders about school uniform and PE kits, which nobody has ever appeared to mind.

The text does include an added note that children will wear a spare uniform from the school supplies if anyone forgets. Would your child's school do this? If they don't you could put it as a suggestion to a parent governor or a parent's committe if they have one.

If you want to remain anonymous, you could always post an anonymous letter to the school with the suggestion.

Could be an excuse to kick off when their precious children’s photos aren’t as good as they want them to be because everyone else is in full uniform 🤔

Keep forgetting to quote…I’m that person 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Me too! I’m a fellow escapee and couldn’t be happier