Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

OP, if your little girl is upset about something to do with what’s happening in school, then you are perfectly right to talk to the teacher about it and escalate it up if necessary. I see that as all the justification needed with this issue.

Don’t talk to the teacher in a tell-tale sort of way. Talk to her about your DD being upset that she is often the odd one out and ask if you are missing something. Let them tell you that other parents have taken it upon themselves to group together and ignore school uniform rules as a defiance.

Then you can ask what they are going to do about your DD being unhappy about being the odd one out. -What is their plan so that this no longer happens?
Who is in charge here, the school or the parents?

The revolting parents are full of themselves.
They should use the proper means to discuss their concerns individually with the school.
I don’t see why a HT in a state school would put up with this. They should be reviewing their uniform policy periodically anyway and consulting with parents about it. Not allowing parents to defiantly ignore school rules. A fee paying school certainly wouldn’t put up with parents using their children to rebel at school in order to defy a rule.

It’s sad that your little girl is suffering because of it, so do talk to the teacher and I hope it is resolved by the school for her very soon.

If that's the case, then what the fuck are parents doing to their kids?
Surely the kids decide who to invite to their birthday party, and these can physically be given.
So pathetic that a mother's life and how children are socialised is given over to idiots on phone groups

I agree with this, is the PE kit joggers/ polo shirt/ sweatshirt type thing and do these kids wear it most of the time anyway? For done kids this young, especially neurodiverse kids, the kind of uniform you describe is a nightmare, they can be very sensitive to rigid clothing. Do these parents have a problem with the uniform policy generally and do the school normally not enforce it apart from getting dressed up for photo day?

One of our whatssap groups is like this it’s insane.

about 4 of the mums constantly want to flaunt the rules and try and get everyone else on board. What I’ve found is that it’s usually only one of them that does it. Everyone else does their own thing.

example bejnf last week we hadn’t yet been told when ds’ class were doing pe. So a load of them decided to send the kids in pe kit because they were basing things on what the class did last year. tried to get everyone on board with it to “show the teacher that we mean business and need to know straight away”

didn’t factor in the schools newsletter saying that there would be no pe the first week of term….and that pe days would be notified by the end of the first week (which they were).

💯

This is so ridiculous! Surely all the parents aren’t like that?
if parents don’t like school or following rules why don’t the home educate ?!! They have that option rather than being blatantly stupid.

Sounds like it's unenforceable by school and not worth worrying about. You could just say well I'm still sending DC in uniform today because I'd like a nice picture. You don't have to start conflict just do your own thing and don't be embarrassed to say so.
Focus on supporting your DC to be happy being different on occasion.

I’m sure every school has that one ‘difficult’ year group where a few of the parents are gobby twats and they probably think they’re being cool and starting some kind of mass rebellion. In reality, most parents probably feel like you do. Next time just comment that you’re going to go along with what the school have asked, and I bet you get support.

Then complain that the youth of today have no respect blah blah blah

I don't know, I only half agree. The schools in my area are all fairly identical in approach and behaviour policies. With most families not being able to afford private school, the choice is either follow the rules (even if you disagree with them) or don't send your kids to school.

It's not a real choice for most. I really wish some state schools were enabled to take different approaches (no uniform, play based learning until 7 etc) so that when parents were "choosing" which lifestyles their family would be following, it was an informed choice.

At times I feel lucky my kid is in a special school: relaxed uniform, no homework, flexible policies. The school has been wonderful for my youngest child and truly feels like an extension of our family values most of the time.

I think school uniform shouldn't consist of anything other than a school logo polo shirt in a dark colour that's easy to wash and doesn't get grubby after a few wears like white does.

Shirts and ties are needless. Ties are utterly pointless.

My kids' high school have just relaxed the uniform policy to include polo shirts instead of shirts and ties. Fantastic.

I couldn't give a toss how other parents choose to dress their kids for school photos. There appears to be a lot of ire on this thread over it.
Maybe some of you believe 'smart' = respectable.
It doesn't.

Yes.

WhatsApp school groups sound horrible. I'm glad they were not around when mine was at school.

Of course chldren wear uniform for a school photo.

Do schools really have PE kit days now? Sut's rely they do not have an entire school day of PE! Mine used to change into PE kit for a lesson and change back afterwards.

It's a different world.

I would let the school know so they can handle the situation.

I would inform the school as this behaviour will get worse if left unchecked. I know of teachers who’ve been slandered in WhatsApp groups and it’s got out as fact around the school which caused great upset.
whatsapp messages can be used as evidence of cyber bullying.
the Head can send out a stern message saying that it won’t be tolerated.

some parents have nothing better to do than stir the pot.

I'm a primary school teacher and this is where we are at. Some parents have no respect for school and they feel entitled to make their own rules (uniform, no homework, in late, picked up late etc etc). Luckily it seems to be a small amount but it makes our job so much more difficult being undermined constantly. I'm not saying some rules aren't pointless (I'd much prefer pe uniform in primary school - for my own kids too). It's not the kids fault but it teaches them the same lack of respect, bringing them up entitled and it isn't preparing them for the real world.

Tell her before she goes in that others may be in PE kit, but her teacher would prefer her to be in uniform?

My mum couldn't afford for me to have that many outfits, I had my school uniform and then like 3 other outfits for weekends. I would have been bullied so much for wearing the same few things all the time, and no chance would I have had the £100 trainers all the other kids had.

Really all 29 other kids parents insist on not obeying the rules? Or is your daughter exaggerating because she wants to wear her pe kit too? What are the school doing about it? If they aren't bothering to speak with these parents and enforce their rules then I would just go with the crowd and let your daughter wear her pe kit so she's not the only one.

I have kids in year 4 and year 6 at a smallish city primary in a leafy suburb, south east England (not London).

there is a noticeable demographic difference in the parent groups - the parents in my older child’s year were mostly born mid 70s to mid 80s (I’m one of the youngest as a 1985 birth). For my younger child’s year the parental age range is sort of early 1980s to late 80s/1990 (I’m one of the oldest). This means quite a shift in parental attitude, especially around rules. The younger crowd are not as receptive to school rules and do their own thing. Most comply begrudgingly but I think it’s a generational shift, and where rules are arbitrary or batshit they just ignore

Not rtwt but I don't think that primary school uniform is legally enforceable, so a school couldn't exclude children who don't wear it.
And it's not as simple as saying to parents that if they don't accept uniform, then go someplace else - the vast majority of schools have a uniform. In some areas there's literally no choice.
Most parents want their dc to be comfortable all day and if the school is insisting on proper formal uniform with shirts and ties etc for 6 year olds, then they aren't helping themselves. Parents would likely be more receptive if the uniform was the sweatshirt/comfy trousers type.

I worked previously as a Head of year in a large secondary school we had parents like this as well at times. What happened every single time was that the child having been taught by the parents from an early age to ignore and disrespect rules and adults, faced lots of problems with us in year 7 and 8. A lot detentions some exclusions some getting punched by annoyed peers.
Then in year 9 the children started to ignore their parents, hoist with their own petard as it were. They would then ring me often in tears to ask for help. Happened every time.
It gave me no joy then or now, these young people and children were always unhappy and struggled to find friends and often turned to gangs and became known to the police. I find it increasingly hard to feel sympathy for parents who do this to their children. I mean what do they think the outcome will be?

You're not old fashioned - don't second guess yourself. These people are muppets. Let them spin their wheels. I'd mute the chat and just check it once a week if you really need to stay in it.

It does make me smile when I think back to what my DD's had to wear at primary. These parents would have a fit! Private school, but..... Blouses, pinafore, cardigan, long wooden (!) socks. Blazer, puffa, worn over blazer (!), beret. All had to worn into and out of school. Once out of the gates it all came off and left piled in the playground in heaps. Summer was a cotton dress, very nice, with a straw boater. Shoes, blue Mary Janes. Good times.

Experience all over the world is that isn't what happens. Children tend to settle into a routine of wearing comfortable jeans/joggers, t shirts and sweatshirts, and the whole issue goes off the agenda. It saves hours of teacher time when they don't have to fuss about trivial uniform issues.