Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

I work in a school and the majority of the parents are so nice. They help their kids with homework, read with them. Attendance/punctuality is really good, they generally support the school. Then there are the entitled twats. They are the ones that when we see them on security cameras we groan. It’s the usual “take one for the team” you deal with them, other staff hide, it’s hilarious!!

It sounds as though it might be just one or two parents in your year group. Very odd, why would they want their kids to wear PE kit?

Yes, my children didn't have to wear uniform at some stages and the only aspect that bothered me was when better-off children were wearing very expensive designer sportswear and it was obvious when some children couldn't afford this.

Some schools would simply leave these children out of the photos.

We could afford the designer gear but didn’t buy it for DT’s - they lived in regular jeans and hoodies although DS seemed to buy shorts the majority of the year - never seemed to feel the cold! He’d have been a disaster in school where he had to wear long trousers, a jumper and blazer!

Do you actually think if uniforms weren’t the problem they’d find nothing else to moan about? These are the parents that as soon as you solve one problem they find another one. Nothing to do with uniforms.

My daughter always refused to wear anything with a logo so we didn't have a problem!

YABU. Let people do what they want to do it’s the school’s problem.

Give both sets of clothing and let her decide on the day. You don’t want your little one being the odd one out but, Definitely ask for a school uniform one to keep for when she grows up and for yourself

No follow the rules. That’s the best lesson you can give your child. Some posters will make you feel bad about that attitude and want you to take your kids out for ‘Christmas shopping or holidays in term time but take it from someone on education, the only person you’re disadvantaging is your child

There was an interesting discussion today about an academy chain banning children from using phones whilst at school. When they did a pilot apparently it was some of the parents complaining. The children found it improved things and they actually preferred it. It is a bit concerning about some of these parents - what is their agenda? Just the awkward squad I think - poor teachers.

Hello, I'm just reading up on the latest replies and it seems this post has really caused a bit of a debate.

Just in terms of an update, the majority of the children ended up wearing their school uniform so my LG didn't feel the need to feel left out and it certainly wasn't mentioned, although it had been in the past.

I'm an older mother in this group, they're all 30's whereas I feel a bit older being in my 40's. So I feel a bit out of place but I do always make sure my kids follow the rules, as was instilled into me as a child.

I just think as many had said at the start, it's a few "Queen Bee's" who want to make their mark, and try to get a following, to "tell the new teacher how we roll" as a direct quote. It's sad and very difficult for the teachers having not only children who cannot obey rules but parents who are facilitating their kids.

We have parent teacher meetings coming up soon so I plan to voice these concerns to the teacher, who seems extremely firm thankfully!

Thanks to everyone who gave solid advice ❤️

This does sound a bit odd but is there a chance any of it could just be based on what the school has done in previous years? My DD's school recently completely changed its uniform and published guidelines on its website saying summer dresses and shorts are now for summer term only. In previous years the school always allowed summer uniform until oct half term if required (to allow for warm weather in sep etc) and as the first week was warm this year i asked the WA group, and most ppl (inc pta) said they were sending them in summer uniform as 'that's how it's always been'. That's what happened and the school was fine with it, but still no idea if they just made a mistake on the site or if we all broke a new policy!

As regards school pics, the school will likely sort it either way so your daughter won’t feel different. Ours are doing a phased uniform change (as in existing families can switch anytime over a year as and when new uniform is needed) and my DD was one of the first to wear the new colours in June due to outgrowing her old uniform. On class photo day the teacher asked DH at dropoff if they could give my daughter some old-coloured uniform from spares cupboard to wear for the photos so that she matched her clasmates, which was fine with us and made for great photos! So I wouldn't worry too much.

But yeah, if its a pattern of behaviour in this group then they all sound hard work!

So sorry you are having to cope with this. It must be very stressful trying to pick your way between following the school rules and not making your dd feel awkward.
I think a lack of respect is growing. So many people believe their rights to do what ever they want far outweigh any sense of responsibility.
When I was teaching, none of the schools ( Primary) had a uniform, just general advice that clothing should be suitable for school.
We very, very rarely had problems with unsuitable clothes.
I don't know if that would be the case now, but I do feel that a basic dress code is much easier for school and families than getting hysterical about a bit of piping or the wrong shade blue. Does that really affect a pupil's ability to learn? Surely not so much as missing lesson because they're sent home or placed in isolation.

The uniform policy was very much relaxed during Covid. This would've affected my elder child (9 years now) but not so much the younger one.

Now we are back to shirt, tie, pinafore, skirt etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with it in the slightest.

There have been numerous occasions that this set of parents cause issue, be it uniform, ridiculing the school work, bringing religion into chats, I could write a book to be honest.

I raised the issue here about uniform as my child, on numerous occasions, prior to this one, felt left out and that she was the one who was in the wrong. It just seems to be an ongoing issue with the parents who are happy to promote their views and using their child as a shield so to speak.

Well good luck when they get to comprehensive because they'll not stand for that crap they'll be in isolation

You're not seriously going to tell the teacher about something that didn't end up happening?

Now we are back to shirt, tie, pinafore, skirt etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with it in the slightest.

That sort of requirement instead of something more PE kit style can be a nightmare for DC with sensory issues. A lot of parents have no idea about it if they don't have a child who's affected, hence things like the parental vote you mentioned.

I'm not saying any or all of the DC in your child's class fall into this category, although in any given primary school class there's going to be ND children and at 7 they won't all be diagnosed either. Mine wasn't. But those more traditional uniform requirements, especially when strictly enforced, really can be tough for DC who struggle with sensory issues. And it turns into one more thing where the parents have to seek yet more accommodations, instead of uniforms just being designed from a more inclusive perspective in the first place. There's something very wrong with that.

Our DCs primary school initially just had school colours, but we had a choice of green, grey or red, not exactly demanding. Then we got a new head teacher who thought children needed a uniform and though there were many objections from every section of the local community she powered it through. I know that there are theories about school uniform being good but remain to be convinced, especially as in those days they were expensive.
I should add that this was the head teacher who completely dismantled a perfectly good reading system based on phonetics and got rid of the books. My three oldest children had learned to read quickly using this, but my youngest (brighter than the others) took almost two years. Nothing to do with the thread, but very annoying.
I'm not a great rule follower myself but know that life is often simpler if you give in to the things that don't matter. If the school ask you to do something it is wrong to persuade your children to go against it, even if "the rule" seems pointless. You're not helping them.

And think of how much could be saved if no uniform! Thousands of pounds during the child’s school years. Most of the rest of the world’s children are doing fine without having to wear uniform, so why not ours?

Buying a couple of sets of uniform has to work out cheaper that buying regular clothes! Added to that the whole issue of some kids having nothing and others having all the top gear resulting in a divide at school. School uniform is a good idea, keeps all the kids on an even keel.

When you have school uniform you still buy regular out of school clothes. In a non uniform school you save as they wear the same clothes all the time. When non uniform is the norm, no one cares what you wear so branded clothes are minimal and no one pays attention to.

Kids do care. I see it in non uniform dats all the time. Those that do and those that don’t. Maybe not so much in the very young years but 100% bullying happens in teens if you don’t have the right stuff . And you definitely don’t but as much when there’s a uniform. I noticed that when my kids started college, they needed a whole loss of new stuff.

Wasn’t an issue at DT’s non uniform school (international but London based) or their cousins in non uniform schools in the US, France and Belgium. The lack of bullying and time not wasted on enforcing antiquated school uniform policies was a big plus for us. We bought minimal additional clothes when they started Uni as they already had the clothes from school.

I am a teacher. If a child turns up with the wrong uniform on for photo day it is my responsibility to find spare jumpers and polos that the children can put on for the photos. As a result the whole process takes longer and is far more boring for the ones waiting whilst jumpers and polos are switched between the ones who need them.