Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

I work in a primary school and whenever any of our children turn up in the wrong uniform for photo day we have a stash that we choose an appropriate item (jumper, skirt, socks, even shoes) and they wear it for the photo session. It's bloody stressful trying to make everyone look nice for their pics, the school staff work hard to make sure everyone has a nice photograph to choose-I wouldn't want a photo of my child in their pe kit (although the little ones do look very cute!)

Here lies the problem then. At 7 they should be dressing themselves give or take the odd top button or tie although even if pre tied ties are usually available). They want the whole school to fall in with them even though they were outvoted. Pretty sad really. Their kids need to grow up with a good understanding that things don’t always go their way, and learn how to react when this happens. What has happened to people?

Ask the teacher to give out a sticker and congratulate those coming in the right uniform. Then the others may ask their parents if they are the ones wearing the wrong thing.

You're too busy and tired because you're worried about trivial things like this. Schools have always had school uniforms, it's really not a big deal and it's so pathetic even making it a thing. I can't believe parents try to waste teachers time like this

This is just one example though, it's not about the uniform or non-uniform. It's about parents just deciding the rules don't need to apply to them or their kids. Where is the line?

We had school photos each year at DT’s non uniform school. Wearing an outdated school uniform doesn’t ensure children look ‘nice’ on their photos - what an odd view of what children look like.

My primary school didn't 40 years ago, and neither did DH's or SIL's in a very different part of the country. Primary school uniforms used to exist but were never compulsory or strictly enforced. I love all the 1970s and 1980s school class photos with kids looking comfortable in their own clothes.

Strict school uniforms now are an easy way to make parents think state is the same as private in the least difficult way possible.

The small class sizes that would really improve schools are much harder to achieve.

Mine is only little, but I'd welcome a uniform saves having to think about what to wear everyday. I still think it's an excuse for parents to make a big deal about something that isn't a big deal. Focus on your children's education instead! Maybe it gives a chance to deflect about what's really going on. Alot of "noise" about nothing. I'd be really pissed off of parents were doing this at the school my kids went to

I'd just ignore it and send yours in. If your childish going to be upset then explain what's happening. So she knows school want uniforms for picture day, the other parents are just protesting against the uniform.

That particular class group is one I would be muting or altogether removing myself from.

All you can do with your daughter is reassure her that she's wearing the correct clothes and what other people do is up to them.

Re invitations, I found being friendly at the school gates was enough for my children not to miss out on the parties which were actually important to them. And if you are proactive in arranging for her to play with the classmates she likes spending time with, missing out on someone else's party won't be noticed as much because you can have that discussion about friendship and not doing something just because everyone else is.

I am in two minds about this.
I think rules must be abide by and we should be an example for our children to follow.
On the other hand, many schools have ridiculous uniform policies! It is unreasonable to put young children on rigid polyester trousers or skirts and shirts! If the uniform was made of soft cotton or jersey, flexible and comfy, that would make sense for young active kids. It really should just be something comfy, flexible and breathable with the school logo on it. And comfy footwear. The uniform policy should focus on comfort, not on looks. Then it would make sense and I bet you more people would adhere to it.

Not a parent but if I was, I'd want a school with uniform, must make mornings much easier! And many jobs have uniform (hospitals and supermarkets spring to mind) or at least a dress code.

I don't understand parents not supporting the school and feel they're setting their kids up to be entitled brats as adults. I remember in secondary school, we had end of year exams, and the results would be on our reports. During one of them, my pen ran out, and I whispered to the girl next to me to see if she had a spare. The teacher saw me and I was graded 0 and in detention for a week. I had to own up to my mum because of the report and the detention. She was mad with me! She said she believed I was only asking for a pen and not cheating (I was generally well behaved) but I knew the rules, I was supposed to ask the teacher, and told me to suck it up and take the penalty. These parents would probably gno straight to the school and say how dare they put little Johnny into detention for asking for an pen!

I bet there are a couple of ringleaders driving this and they sound very immature. Just archive the chat and act like you haven’t seen the messages, but check it every so often for the parties.

To be fair, a generation ago primary schools were much less stupid strict about uniform, so this type of conflict just didn't happen because schools didn't create it.

Same with term time holidays, lunch box contents, home reading etc etc etc.

Schools have become increasingly overbearing in the home realm, which creates the conflict.

And teachers leaving is far more than this. Wages, workload, declining support for families outside school, curriculum, academisation....

@AgeX you asked I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation?

I'd advise muting the WhatsApp group and focus on teaching your DD that we don't always make the same choices as other families, and that's fine.

Don’t worry, they will have a shock when they turn up to secondary in wrong uniform and get sent home the same day.
our school sent loads home on the first day and made the parents come and collect them!

Agree with this. If your daughter gets excluded from a party by a parent because you dared to disagree with their rebellion, you don't want her being friends with them anyway. 1 or 2 close friends with families you share morals with and have respect for are more important than a classful who will probably bring issues with them later on!

They sound a bit weird, is it really 24 kids going in pe kit and yours isn't, or is it more that a small group of her friends are and she and the rest of the class aren't?

I'd get your daughter involved in reading the letters. "DD it's the 18th, the letter says photos and full uniform"

At our school I remember forgetting a jumper one year for photos and my son had one from lost property. I imagine the school will do the same .

I'd just send your girl in uniform, tell her very bluntly that she's wearing the right thing and show the school the messages. Tbh if I was the school I wouldn't be farting around putting the kids in spare uniform if it was obvious the parents had planned this. I'd be retaliating by saying that no further school pictures will be organised and that any child not adhering to school uniform policy won't be allowed to go to school trips/discos (providing that there's also a clear policy for supplying financially disadvantaged kids with uniform) I really don't get this. Why would you want your kid in a scruffy PE kit (and a manky bake bean/mud stained white polo shirt if it's anything like my dd's) rather than a nice uniform?! No wonder kids are growing up so disillusioned and resentful of their community when these are the messages they're getting about their first little community. I know it's only uniform and only one picture but I actually find this quite depressing