Parents refusing to follow school rules....

[AgeX]

Hello, first post so please go easy!

My youngest child is in primary school. She is 7 years old. I've been a member of the parents Whatsapp group since it was set up and have noticed the parents appear to be extremely against following rules set by the school.

They will discuss en masse and decide what the school uniform should be on any given day despite reminders being sent by the school. An example of this is on Thursday of this week the children are having photographs taken and a reminder message was sent out to all parents to advise that school uniform was required. A number of the parents have taken it upon themselves to advise the WhatsApp group that their children will be wearing PE kit and they don't care for the rules and will be disregarding/ignoring the reminder.

Now what their children wear is their own choice but I will send my child in school uniform and I know she will come home from school asking why everyone was in PE kit despite it not being a dedicated PE day. She's quite sensitive and will think she is in the wrong because the majority are dressed differently than her.

I know it is trivial in the grand scheme of things but term has only started and this is the second occasion in which my child is almost the odd one out.

I suppose I just don't know how to approach the situation? My older child is also in primary school and we have not encountered issues such as these at all so it's all new to me!

Because my child is distressed at being the odd one out because she is wearing the correct uniform. She thinks I've sent her in the wrong clothes when she is in fact one of very few who are abiding by the rules.

Reiterate to your daughter that what other people do isn't your business. They sound like they'll always be doing things or behaving in ways you won't want her to. It's doubtful she'll be the only one not breaking the rules.

You could approach the school with a polite query about whether the uniform is optional. As it's making life difficult for you that they're not upholding their own code.

Probably a lot less teachers? These entitled parents would hardly be more respectful without a formal uniform. You'd have the banned brands, or the rude slogan T Shirts, or the low cut vest tops/ hotpants/ midriff showing tops etc. to deal with. No uniform wouldn't mean no rules.

Thank you, it is extremely overwhelming, this group. My elder child's parent group is great compared to this one! I just dread another 4 years of it.

Not in the slightest. It is a small countryside school.

It's a few Queen Bees and lots of followers I suspect.

This is bizarre. On our WhatsApp, it's mainly to remind each other of the homework set, or confirm PE days. We'd never go against the school for things. What odd behaviour

Mute it, with the occasional check in! It will change your life!

Tell the school the plan.

Previously a school Principal- I’d send out a lovely message saying how great the day will be and dropping in that any child not in full school uniform will not be able to participate in photographs. Although that might enrage the rebels, it would give most of the other parents a get out.

Don’t like the rules and uniform, don’t send them there!

Both my kids school groups are also currently like this. The rules seem ridiculously stricter this year though.
One child got a slip home for white piping on the edge of their PE trainer Velcro strap, another that a hair bow was the wrong shade of blue.
So in retaliation people have been flouncing the rules even more this week. Now wearing orange trainers and a massive rainbow coloured hair bow.

I’m keeping out of it, my kids will wear the uniform I’ve bought that meets the rules as best as I could and if I get notes home they will continue to wear it until it needs replacing

Meh, I can see their point. I totally support school uniform but since neither myself or my husband ever need to wear a suit and tie to do our professional jobs, I do wonder why children are required to wear them! They are uncomfortable, expensive and impractical. I think generally speaking the more sensible the policy, the more likely are people are to keep to it. Make up a very silly rule and people will break it. That's just real life... and yes I think a 7 year old in a tie is quite silly.

Thanks God I have been out of this evil idiotic bunch and their queen bee vomit

Primary aged kids should have a branded jumper, coloured t shirt and joggers. Very simple, not too expensive, practical (also more SEN friendly). 99% of parents would support it.

How weird. As someone else said on our group it would be’ oh remember it’s school photos so uniform tomorrow!’ And then people would ask do we need to pack PE in a bag.
Why would you want your kid in pe kit in a photo? At our school they give spare jumpers on photo day if needed.

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate the input and glad I'm not just coming across as old fashioned because I adhere to the rules and like my children to do the same. I think I may speak on the QT to the class teacher and mute the group in the interim.

I know uniform isn't the biggest concern in the world but it's just something that's been niggling me over the past few weeks. Parenting can be hard these days with social media, bring back old fashioned notes in their bags!

It very much seems to be a power trip in the case of certain parents. I know the year below ds had one mother who seemed hell bent on undermining the school and staff at every turn. She would then rope in other parents via WhatsApp groups and it caused endless ridiculous problems, to the extent that previously reasonable rules over clothing were completely clamped down on, and no school trips now take place because she said she wouldn’t pay, school should provide the trip and all equipment, replace items her little darling had damaged. So the school can’t afford to do them as more than half the class won’t pay, because of her. They can well afford it. Yes, her kid was the most entitled little brat you’ve ever come across, and half the time he got away with it because the poor teachers were just exhausted with her nonsense. They were told about the group, a member of school staff had a child in that class too, but it was madness for a while.

It did come back to bite her in the end. Only kids who had paid for the y6 residential were allowed to go. Pupil premium kids were covered by school. Her kid did not get to go. Shame. I gather that the secondary school have taken a very dim view of the behaviour and incorrect uniform, and seem quite willing to discipline the child following their stated rules. It’s been quite glorious to watch.

Keep doing the right thing op. Watch the group for comedy value, nothing more. Let the office staff know about the stuff being said, if you can. They are remarkably good at feeding stuff like this to the right people. It might not do any good but it means you won’t be lumped in with the stupid behaviour.

Yup. Don’t get sucked in OP.

Why would you want your kid in PE kit for photographs? That's really odd.
The kids I look after would be sent home by the school if they did this. Or at the very least parents called to bring the correct uniform.

You won’t be the only one following the rules. Loads of parents will nod along with the gobby parents but will do the right thing when it counts. If your child questions it just say ‘well I follow the rules and do what I’m told my the headmaster’.

Well then why can't you sit her down and explain that the other children were dressed as they were because their parents chose to do their own thing, and explain that this is how some adults sometimes behave?

From smoking to speeding, she's going to realise soon that adults frequently break rules, and I can remember that being quite the head-f**k when I was her age - how I wish my parents had explained to me all about why rules exist & why they need to be followed, but also that some people take matters into their own hands, and how we react to that depends on many factors.

If your daughter hasn't done anything wrong, then tell her so. Explain why these parents are choosing to do as they are, and why you're not, and what the consequences of both choices will be.

I agree there will be lots of children in uniform - lots will have said nothing like you .

I agree. They are entitled twats!

I remember being a governor when our local primary school decided to introduce a uniform. It was a very loose uniform which really was only made up of a school t-shirt and jumper (not logo'd - just coloured). The kids could still wear trainers, jeans and jogging bottoms.

98% of the parents (bearing in mind this was a school with only 60 pupils) voted for a uniform. The 2% that voted against it refused point blank to put their children in uniform, making their kids feel as though they stuck out. Bizarrely, that 2% of parents sent their little darlings to cubs/brownies in full uniform!!

People never cease to astound me!

Oh - and one of the anti uniform parents was a head teacher at a school with a ridiculously strict uniform policy - down to the length of the socks the girls wore!

I think the school should hand out home school forms and say to parents take your children and you do it

My experience is that uniforms achieve the opposite of what they set out to. When kids just wear normal clothes from a young age (ie 5) it ceases to be so much of a “thing” and kids also then naturally understanding that outward appearance/clothing is not a signifier of kindness, character, talent etc or lack thereof. It’s just clothing.