4 year old starting reception…sending 4 days before CSA

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my 4 yo starts school in september, cant quite believe it and i havent taken to it ‘well’ and ive been extremely sad which is something i never expexted. I have always ‘gone against the grain’ and never been that traditional, i would of liked to home school but my 4 yo is asking/ wants to go to school and is excited ti go.. so ive had to push my feelings aside and she has a place in september.
after weeks and months of thinking, feeling sad, thinking how things will work i still cant shift my feelings of sadness and dislike of the school system at such a young age..
i am set on sending her 4 days not 5 untill she reaches the compulsory school age of 5 - the term after they turn 5 so works on january for us. I dont feel missing a day a week wil have an effect at this early reception stage and i feel it will create a fair balance of home, school, family and outside school learning , yet obviously when you tell people your plans your met with opinions on both ends. Just looking to see anyone else has done part time before CSA and if it was due to having similar reasons to mine.

If your child is enrolled in school then they need to go full time unless they have an EHCP with special arrangements for a part-time timetable. You can’t just send them in for four days a week as your choice. It’d trigger all sorts of absences in the school system. Also your DC would miss out. That fifth day that you don’t send them could be theirs specialist PE day, their group reading day, forest school day or whatever and they’d be missing out.
Remember you will have every weekend with them and half term holidays soon come round. Make those special times count and watch your DC blossom in school.

I think your feelings are pretty extreme, and more about you than your child.

Four is young for school. I know that my DS2 wouldn't have been ready for school at that age whereas DS1 might have been, although October birthday meant he was nearly 5. But also, reception teachers know this, it's not all drilling times tables to them in rows from day 1. There is a lot of learning through play and discovery. In DS2's case we now live abroad so he doesn't need to start yet anyway.

Personally I would go with the standard 5 days, but keep an eye on how your DC is doing and keep dropping to 4 days as an option in case it's too tiring for them. But speak to the school, and start with the standard arrangement.

I don’t have any experience of this and I’ve taught in Reception for many years so I think it’s very unusual.
Of course she’s your child and it’s your decision but be prepared to change your mind once she starts as you may find that she absolutely loves school and doesn’t want to stay home on Fridays! Reception is lovely and most children have an absolute ball! It’s really not formal learning but loads of play and exploration.
I understand you feeling sad about her starting full time school…I’ve felt like this at every stage of my own childrens education (starting primary/ leaving primary/ leaving secondary/ going away to uni 😭) but make sure that you’re not making the decision to keep her home on Fridays because of your own sadness rather than because it’s what you think she needs.
I’ll bet you feel better a few weeks into term. Good luck in making the right decision.

Your child wants to go to school and is excited about it. Keeping them off one day a week is your want, not theirs. I think once they are at school, they should be there every day. As the previous post said, they will miss out and perhaps fall behind and become unhappy. Is that subconsciously what you want to happen?

Flexi schooling is an option not widely known about but the school will have to approve it.

Honestly this is your issue and you need to address it, not take your child, who is excited about school, out of school for a day a week. Reception year is a decent balance of learning, play, developing socially and having fun- that one day might be something they would really enjoy, something that informs the rest of the terms work, something the other children talk about and get excited for. There are plenty of holidays, presumably she won't be going to breakfast or after school club so still plenty of time around school.

If it was for your DDs sake then sure, school isn't always the best option and there are in many cases ways to make other arrangements work; but this is all about you.

Read your post back, and see how many times you used the word I.

Your post is all about what you want, rather than what is best for your daughter.

You say she's excited for school, so let her go. Don't make her miss out, just because you want to keep her off school one day a week.

Send her full time. She will make loads of friends and have masses of stuff to tell you about when she gets home. Let her grow up.

I think your feelings are pretty extreme, and more about you than your child.

Exactly this.

In reception it is normal for the phonics and maths to be in the morning. These are probably the most important bits.

If you are really concerned about your child then in your shoes I would talk to the school about it, but also I'd be inclined to take them out if afternoons rather than miss a whole day.

I know someone who sent their child 4 days a week until they were at the CSA. Seemed to work ok but just be aware that in some classes the ‘golden time’ and all the fun stuff is on a Friday so you might need to think bait which day to pick.

A friend of mine wanted to do this. The school wouldn’t agree. They said they’d let her have 2 afternoons a week off (as above, phonics and maths are usually in the morning) but that didn’t suit my friend who wanted to go off on day trips places. They did start on that pattern but the child (August birthday so one of the youngest) quickly settled in and didn’t want to miss school. She’s just finished year 1 and is doing really well full time. I have to say it always seemed more like my friend wasn’t ready than the child and as highlighted above OP it sounds the same for you…

This is the wrong decision because it's what you want. There is still plenty of time outside of school for fun bonding things. Send them for the 5 days, then if you are at home and not working outside the home do all the chores during the day and prepare dinner.

Be aware that once they start school they pick up every cough and cold so will be off a lot anyway if the have never been to nursery. And after school can be very tired but if you can avoid putting the TV on there is lots that can still be done together.

When you pick her up, do a quick trip home for a toilet stop and to get changed, take dinner out in food flasks and enjoy the afternoon. Go swimming, go to a forest, go do whatever you want to do in that school day. Or start an after school routine if they a retired of snuggling down with a warm drink and a couple of biscuits and read together and then play some boardgames and do some arts and crafts.

Having dinner prepped is key though as they often want your attention after school and avoiding the TV stops it becoming the default activity and a time suck.

Have you discussed it with the school at all?
In Reception, the school day tends to be set up so that the academic learning takes place in the morning. By missing one day a week, she'll be missing 20% of her phonics and maths learning. This may not matter as she may be streets ahead of everyone else but, otherwise, that is a significant chunk of learning to miss. If you do want her to have some additional time at home, perhaps two afternoons might work better? If you do do that, then don't fix on which afternoons until you have found out her timetable from school as it might have more of an impact if she is missing PE or something like Forest School (if they do it) than if she misses more of a free flow play session. It might sound odd to think that a 4yo missing PE could ever be important but it's not just the sport element but the life skills of getting changed, organising their own things, taking turns, listening etc.
As far as my own experience is concerned, DC1 went to school full time from the outset. DC2 is a very different kettle of fish (summer born, speech delays, generally more anxious) and I decided I'd keep him at home ona Wednesday afternoon just to break things up a bit. For the first three or four weeks, this was grand. Then he began to be a bit upset on a Tuesday and was really tearful on a Wednesday before being fine on a Thursday & Friday. I thought this was a sign that I was right that he needed his Wednesday afternoons at home. However, on the Tuesday evening before the first October half term when we were having a really difficult bedtime as he was so sad, he sobbed out "why can't I stay at school with my friends tomorrow" and I realised the upset was not because of school but because of me keeping him home! He did full time after that!

Legally your child doesn’t have to attend school before CSA. I would speak to the teacher when the school reopens or you have a home visit, about attending part time before CSA. I would also play it by ear with you daughter she may live school and not want to miss out on playing with her friends or she may be very tired and benefit from part time attendance.

www.gov.uk/schools-admissions/school-starting-age

I've been a EYFS teacher for years. You are setting her up for being in a confusing situation. Then teacher will say tomorrow we will plant our seeds' or 'yesterday when Mr Smith took you to PE' and she will not have been there.

The other children will ask her why she doesn't come to school on Mondays.

Reception isn't just arsing round in the sand tray. It's real learning and it's valuable.

My own dd was having a nap every afternoon until she started reception. She was fine.

If you don't want her to go to school, then don't send her to school but putting her in this situation isn't fair.

Agree with other posters that this feels very much like you projecting your own issues regarding schooling on your daughter, who actively wants to go to school.

I started school at 4, I also sent my eldest DC at 4 and he wasn't going to be 5 til the spring term so was quite young for the year. He did brilliantly and really enjoyed it, there is very little pressure put on them in Reception and is very similar to nursery. Lots of play based activities and even the maths and phonics elements were often out of the classroom activities.

Let her go and decide for herself.

If your post was focused on concerns that your child wasn't ready then my response would have been different but this desire to keep her off one day a week is selfish as it's all about your wants OP.

As a Reception teacher, I can tell you now that she will miss absolutely loads by being off one day every week (1/5 of learning time!). She won't just miss out academically, but socially too. Children who miss a lot of school and have patchy attendance do often struggle with friendships. Even if they themselves are well rounded socially, they do tend to get left out more if they're not always there as the others are so use to them not being around. The other children will have experiences they've not been a part of, making it harder for them to integrate:- "let's play that game we played yesterday!" (your child has no idea what that was) etc.

Key texts are usually covered for a week or more, so your child will always have gaps where work wasn't quite completed or finished. New phonics sounds will be introduced daily, so they'll miss a lot there. PE may only be taught on the day she misses, or that may be the only day Reception attend assembly or do baking or forest school. Maybe that will be their library day, or the day they do buddy reading with Year 6. There are so many things your child will miss through missing one day every week.

It's normal to feel emotional when your child starts school. It's not normal to keep them off for no other reason than it being what you want. You need to put her needs first. Family time is indeed still important but can still be achieved around school, like everyone else does. You know she'll have to go full time in January anyway, so there's no point delaying the inevitable just for one more term of daytime jollies during term time. All you'll achieve during that term is to single her out as being different, and cause her to miss out on lots of lovely experiences at school.

Your little girl is growing up. The fact she is looking forward to school is wonderful. Sometimes the best thing we can do for them is to learn to let go.

School are highly unlikely to be supportive of your choice, for all the reasons I've outlined. Just because you legally can keep them off until they're CSA, doesn't mean you should. Each case is different and, in this case, you are definitely thinking about what you want and not what is best for your child.

Do you have a career?
I would look into a life and development outside of your child. As others have commented. It's all about you.

Governor at a primary school. We have rejected flexi-schooling requests on the basis that it is disruptive to pupils and staff, and all outcomes and safeguarding remain the responsibility of the school regardless of the fact that they’re not present 100% of the time. If I was a Head, I wouldn’t entertain it. EHCP’s where a child needs to spend less time in school for their specific needs, is different.

Agree that it is not good for your child to do 4 days when the rest of the class will be there for 5. Your DD will be fine, you need to work on yourself being fine without disrupting her. You are not losing her, you are still her mum, you can plan brilliant adventures for 3.30 and weekends and holidays if you want. I'd say stop reading homeschool forums etc, focus on what she is telling you she wants. Reception is lovely for most kids. Get involved in the school, don't see it as the enemy. I say this as someone who's DD is about to go to uni, I'll miss her but I need to guide her through this stage , that is my job as a parent. I really try to enjoy each stage, not hankering after the toddler years , it's just not helpful and you can't stop time.

DD may attend part-time until later in the school year but not beyond the point at which she reaches CSA. This is set out in the schools admissions code. The school cannot refuse to allow it. It is not the same as flexi schooling. An EHCP is not required.

I totally agree with you about 4 being too young, to the point we plan to home educate DD when the time comes. However I wouldn't do what your suggesting, I don't think it's fair on anyone. DD will feel she is missing out as she is hearing about things that happen when she isn't there, teachers will find it difficult to ensure she isn't missing anything important (so something that will be continued the following week for example) and schools absence figures will be affected which will effect your relationship with them.
If you feel that strongly about it then I would keep her at home for atleast the first year. However make sure your doing it for the right reasons and not just what you want.

Your role as a parent is to do what is best for your child. This is often hard as a parent.

As your dc is excited to be starting school, how is removing them for 20% of the time best for them?

My dd did two days a week in reception as she didn’t reach CSA until y1. Below CSA it isn’t flexischooling.

We are in Wales where it’s more difficult to delay a year, in England I would have delayed. And she is not a young Summer born, birthday just after Easter.