Pressure to send 4 year old to reception

[Jenro22]

I'm dealing with a situation with my 4.5 year old daughter. She'll be starting reception next week and I am set on my decision to send her only part time until its compulsory for her to be in full time I'm already being pressured by her teachers to send her in full time as they fear she'll fall behind her peers in maths as I intend to send her only in the mornings mon-fri meaning she'll miss maths in the afternoon. I mentiond that surely the level of maths she may miss can be easily caught up to when she joins in February (when she'll be of compulsory age). even suggested i can do bits of learning with her at home as we already do when the opportunity arrises. such as counting, adding and subtracting whatever is at hand for example sweets etc. They tried to argue that its not in her best interest to fall behind. in my opinion age 4 is anyways to young for formal learning and if they expect 4 year olds to ingest what they intend to teach I feel is abit far fetched. as some kids might excel but many won't as they are not mentally developed for learning in such a way. they should be playing, as for learning maths theyll learn through play and real life scenarios like couting sweets, fruit , toys etc. and if anything I think it may leave a negative impact on them and turn them off school. which is the opposite of what we all want. 🤔

However you know your daughter best op.

But what's best for the daughter isn't what the OP wants. She wants her daughter to stay at home because she's at home. The best thing for the OPs daughter is to start full time from day 1, but it seems as though she's going to be prevented from doing this because the OP will miss her.

of course I will miss my daughter even when she's out a few hours with dad I miss her. but keeping her home only cause I want her to be with me is a total misjudgement and misunderstanding of any of the my posts. it's not even the question is she ready, as most kids she will adapt and ultimately be fine at reception. the point I'm making is that if a young children in my opinion have a stay at home parent that it is in their best interest to be with that parent. it's our job as parents to raise, teach, discipline our own children. I very much disagree with anyone one who claims a young child should be full time 30 hours a week away from their parents, unless it isn't possible due to parents being unable to stay at home. like I mentioned before I would skip reception completely but i also see it as a great opportunity for her to spend a few hours a day learning new things, making friends, and having some fun.

And yes I strongly suggest reading Gabor Mates book on attachment parenting he clearly states when a young child seeks out attachments with a parent, teachers and other key care givers it is much better for their well being. here's a quote from his book Humans and other creatures automatically orient themselves by seeking cues from those to whom they are attached.

Children, like the young of any warm-blooded species, have an innate orienting instinct: they need to get their sense of direction from somebody. Just as a magnet turns automatically toward the North Pole, so children have an inborn need to find their bearings by turning toward a source of authority, contact and warmth. Children cannot endure the lack of such a figure in their lives: they become disoriented. They cannot endure what I call an orientation void.* The parent—or another adult acting as parent substitute—is the nature-intended pole of orientation for the child, just as adults are the orienting influences in the lives of all animals that rear their young.' Gabor Mate

I’m a SAHP and couldn’t disagree more with what you say.

I have the option to keep my children home, but they learn stuff from school that I can’t teach them.

The 6 weeks holidays has also shown how much they need their own space away from each other too. They adore each other, but after 6 weeks they’ve really appreciated being with their peers

Again though it's all about what you want and what you think is best not about what is actually in your child's best interests. If you were putting her first you wouldn't be making such rash decisions based on a book and would be instead listening to all the experienced parents and staff who have taken so much time to give you accurate and honest advice.

This. My 4yo is in an SEN school. Everything they do is pretty much based on play for the first few years. They have already learned plenty in their first week. They also went to preschool last year and went from no understanding, communication or speech, to having a level of understanding and speech that I directly correlate with the learning play in their preschool year.

My son was born in April and did part time until Easter of his reception year. He started off with 2 mornings a week and we gradually built it up. There were 2 others in his class who went part time too. He did a few extra sessions just before Christmas so he could do the Christmas play and a few other things but he really struggled and we had to go back to just doing the 3 mornings a week. He managed ok with full time after Easter but the school rang me a few times to pick him up as he had fallen asleep in class.

You do know that's just his opinion / a school of thought, right? It's not an empirical fact. I think having your own school of thought on parenting is fine - and you can happily make choices like half days - but I don't think quoting doctors as 'evidence' is wise.

Agreed. By the time children reach school age I actually think it's really important that they have other influences than their parents.

like I mentioned before I would skip reception completely but i also see it as a great opportunity for her to spend a few hours a day learning new things, making friends, and having some fun.

I think this really downplays the importance of that first year at school. Educationally they learn a lot (it's mind boggling), and it's really important to get those fundamentals right as it will make everything that follows easier for them. I'm a lecturer teaching maths at university but I certainly wouldn't have done as good a job as my daughter's teacher in giving her a really solid grounding in numeracy - and I wouldn't have known where to start with literacy. It's similar socially, they need to learn those skills of turn taking, conflict resolution, following instruction etc at a young age or they're more likely to struggle. One day a week at nursery is less than I think every single child in my daughter's class - I'm not aware of any who weren't at preschool 5 days a week, regardless of whether their parents both work, so your DD may well already have a bit of catching up to do in this sphere.

Well didn’t this turn out to be just a really sad thread.

yes sad that so many parents who have the option to send their children part time to reception and have an opportunity to spend more time with their little ones before sending them away for 30 hours still choose to. 😢

Just because the option is there, it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do which thankfully most parents seem to realise.

Reception isn’t just about “having a few hours to do some fun stuff to break up the day a bit” - it’s preparing a child for formal education with the use of play based learning.

I imagine there are many reception age teachers who are pretty horrified and equally disappointed by the way you are so dismissive of the very important role they play in preparing children for formal education, not just socially but also academically.

And I also think you are being hideously offensive to all the parents who send their children to school full time in Reception.

@Jenro22 here's a suggestion - get involved with the school. Volunteer for class reading, be the parent helper on all the school trips, offer to help at sports day, or a Christmas craft afternoon. Join the PTA.
I ended up helping out at my daughter's primary so much some people thought I was actually staff.
That way you get to spend time with your daughter and she gets the full school experience.

This is what it boils down to isn't it, you think you're very special and love your little one much more than all those other sheeple parents. Insufferable.

@blissno you don't know me,

maybe I am and maybe I do. when it comes to how I choose to spend my day I choose and always will to spend it with my loved ones especially my children. if you think that's me thinking I'm more special and love my child more so be it. why are you even on this thread? just to throw insults oh yes I get it a troll. normally I wouldn't sink so low to engage with you but laying in bed, it's very hot and humid and finding it difficult to sleep so thanks for the outlet. 😂

gabor mate

My youngest missed a big chunk of reception thanks to Covid.

Whilst she was fine academically, she and her peers were notably lacking in the ability to navigate friendships compared to their older siblings. They were also a lot more needy with staff at school for a couple of years.

I'd give anything for her to get that time back.

In my experience, keeping a child out of reception is more about fulfilling the parents' needs rather than what is best for the child. It's interesting that you are choosing writers / academics who align with your views...

“I think your setting her up to have a difficult few years as she tries to catch up.”

Totally agree.

@Jenro22 I also don’t understand your thought process as well. You say you can cover the maths curriculum yourself. So she will be still doing it in the afternoons (with you) so why not just do it at school with everyone else?

I don’t understand why you want to keep her at home?

“Jenro22 · Today 00:24

yes sad that so many parents who have the option to send their children part time to reception and have an opportunity to spend more time with their little ones before sending them away for 30 hours still choose to. 😢

This is what it boils down to isn't it, you think you're very special and love your little one much more than all those other sheeple parents. Insufferable.

Exactly this (bold text). So patronising.

Ask yourself honestly, are you doing this for herself or for you? Are you scared of feeling redundant once your children become less reliant on you?
If you ask your child whether she'd rather stay in school full days or stay at home with you she's going to tell you what she thinks you want to hear and it's an unfair question to her, playing on her emotions.
You can still have a fantastic relationship even if she's in school full time, and she'll learn independence.
Reception year is learn through play and she'll have fantastic experiences

@Jenro22
This.

I have read and am very familiar with mate and his work. Plus being on the shit end of no parents attachment. I have experience and understanding of child psychology.

My children's positive attachment was front and centre for me when they were little. However I still wouldn't do what you are planning. There are plenty more hours in the day to spend with your child and during that time they can share their rich new experiences that will also be KEY for their development.

I still think you are bonkers

Yeah this. My DD has just started reception and there was an NHS health/development questionnaire we had to fill out. It had a question along the lines of ‘Does your child prefer to talk to an adults/teachers instead of other children’ which makes me think it’s something they want to look out for.

Not saying there are issues with your DD op, but having only done 1 day a week at nursery, she might benefit from being in full time to start building friendships with her classmates.

Op a balance is to be had here.

Two things can be true

Have your brilliant understanding of child psychology and let your child experience the world.

It's possible for both.

If she is as secure as you suggest she will run off to school and won't be interested in coming home at lunchtime because she will be secure in knowing you will be there later.

I expect fairly quickly your DD would ask you for to leave her in with her friends for the sake of a couple more hours rather than single her out and take her home every day. Some of the kids will be 5 and they’re not stupid- I wouldn’t be trying to single her out and have kids guessing why x goes home every day instead of staying in school.

You lost me here. It is a huge privilege that you are a SAHM so acting like all other parents are sat at home chilling while selfishly sending their kids into school is insincere. The majority of parents operate in their kids best interests which often include working and the child attending nursery/school. My two kids went to nursery and preschool from 1 and have excellent attachments. We don’t need you 😢 face.