Pressure to send 4 year old to reception

[Jenro22]

I'm dealing with a situation with my 4.5 year old daughter. She'll be starting reception next week and I am set on my decision to send her only part time until its compulsory for her to be in full time I'm already being pressured by her teachers to send her in full time as they fear she'll fall behind her peers in maths as I intend to send her only in the mornings mon-fri meaning she'll miss maths in the afternoon. I mentiond that surely the level of maths she may miss can be easily caught up to when she joins in February (when she'll be of compulsory age). even suggested i can do bits of learning with her at home as we already do when the opportunity arrises. such as counting, adding and subtracting whatever is at hand for example sweets etc. They tried to argue that its not in her best interest to fall behind. in my opinion age 4 is anyways to young for formal learning and if they expect 4 year olds to ingest what they intend to teach I feel is abit far fetched. as some kids might excel but many won't as they are not mentally developed for learning in such a way. they should be playing, as for learning maths theyll learn through play and real life scenarios like couting sweets, fruit , toys etc. and if anything I think it may leave a negative impact on them and turn them off school. which is the opposite of what we all want. 🤔

I loved school but also started at a much later age and which may be one of the reasons I have such an healthy realitionship with learning in general. again I was the odd kid who chose to do advanced maths in my year group and take on calculus and trigonometry not because I had to but because it seemed interesting. she will get the opportunity to experience school once she starts year1. what I don't want is for it to be forced on her too early and put her off school because of it and mostly I truly believe a young child should spend most of their day with and learning from their parents. some of the most important things she needs to learn at this age like moral values such as being kind, learning responsibilitites , regulating her emotions, being respectful etc. she learns from her dad and me.
I have considered not send her at all until she's 5 but I don't see anything wrong with sending her part time or that it is in any way detrimental if anything it gives her a break from daily routines she currently has, it exposes her to new things, people and settings, she can play, learn and have a bit of fun and hopefully help prepare her for when she starts full-time. right now if I ask her she says she wants to stay home with me, was the same when she went to nursey eventhough she did enjoy it she prefers being with me. but once she does start and she really wants to go more I will respect her wish and consider it when the time comes again it won't be long until she will have to go full time anyways.

So it's you who is not ready to let go. I don't think any parent ever is, it's such a big milestone. But you're setting yourself up to make her a clingy child if you don't want her to leave your side and affectively take steps so it doesn't happen. And asking her to pick is selfish. Of course at this age she's going to say she wants to stay with you! By asking her the question you could be putting the idea into her head that starting school is something to fear.

You’re doing this for yourself, not your daughter.

Your bond won’t be affected because for 6 hours a day she isn’t with you and is in school with her friends 🙄

By not sending her full time you are denying her 6 months of full time education and that’s a lot!

At the start of the thread I did have some sympathy but the more you post the more I realise that you are acting in your best interests because of your worries.

Just send her and let her have the same education and same social experiences as everyone else in the class.

You may find she wants to stay if she’s happy with friends and realises she’s the only one going home!

My experience of reception is they do mostly play but it’s games with a grounding in phonics or getting to understand some numbers.

It’s not an intense draconian learning environment. I’d gauge whether your daughter wants to stay the whole day and appears to be having fun. No child wants to be different from their peers.

Of course she says she wants to stay at home with you because she's picking up on the fact you very obviously don't want her to go to school because you'll be sad she's gone.

I'm curious as to which country you lived in as a child? I don't know any where children don't do all the things they do in reception just under another name the oft coveted Finland being one of them.

but I don't see anything wrong with sending her part time or that it is in any way detrimental

So you haven't bothered to listen to any of the teachers on here? Plenty of posters have told you part time is the very worst options for children. It's unsettling, disruptive, and means she misses out on so many exciting opportunities. Not to mention the child feels like they're being punished or must have done something wrong, as they're the only one who has to leave after lunch each day.

right now if I ask her she says she wants to stay home with me

Of course she does, because she knows that's the answer you want to hear. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This is all so much about you not wanting to let her grow up rather than what’s best for her. But you don’t want to listen to what’s best for her as you have been told by both staff at the school and most posters on here.

plenty of children start school in reception and go on to love learning!

If I ask my YR2 child if he'd rather be at home with me or at school - he'll tell me at home with me every single day.

That doesn't mean its best for him and I'm certainly not going to start home schooling him because of it.

He enjoys school when he's there and has learnt so much since Reception, it's amazing.

Op you seem to think that your child has a superior connection to you and her Dad such that sending her to school line her peers would adversely affect her.

I wouldn't interpret finding it easier to talk to adults than kids at 4/5 as a sign of your superior parenting. And she may be incredibly intelligent and beyond her peers, but at 4 there's much more important things in life.

And most kids like school. It isn't unusual for small kids to love it. I only know a handful of kids who struggle with going. You liking school because you started later than they do in the UK isn't a thing. You were just a typical kid who liked school.

I currently don't work I chose to be a stay at home mom, I have a 2 year old as well. with my daughter she does know I prefer her to be with me and of course I do I'm her mom but saying that I'm a very active hands on present mom and give her lots of exposure to different things like playing with friends, going to parks learning through hand on activities etc. so she really enjoys our time together. she is also very head strong and doesn't have an issue saying what she wants and I'm positive if she truly wanted to stay more hours at nursery she would have told me. if she seems distressed or upset by my choosing to put her in part time I will have to reconsider and I will. her best and her needs are what comes first and alot of parents who post here saying that I'm putting my needs before hers are not understanding my concerns of why I think a 4 year old shouldn't be sent away to any nursery school, child care if the parent is at home and willing to take on the role of carer and educator for their child. that regardless how caring a teacher or carer is they can never fully replace a caing parent.
and as the teachers and many parents who have posted here have mentioned that reception is basically and extension of preschool / nursery where it is common for alot of the kids to be attending different days and hours sorry I don't see the issue with part time reception. if it was formal school like year 1 yes I get that and agree it wouldnt be good. she'd miss out on too much but being that reception is mostly play based with some formal learning how is it any different to going part time to nursery or preschool?

Reception is very different. But you aren’t willing to hear any of that because you have been told multiple times over the thread.

your not some sort of super better than anyone else parent. Your belief that you are risks holding her back and stopping her developing as an individual rather than an extension of you.

I think keeping it to half days is a lovely thing. School is exhausting and the days are long.

Attending full time seems more about creating good little obedient workers than anything else.

Most countries do not start formal learning until 7 so she will miss nothing that can't be caught up later. If that was the case those children that are 5 in September surely would have missed stuff that can't be caught up on. What rubbish.

It's been explained more than once on this thread but if you don't want to acknowledge the importance of reception and why it's so essential then why should any of us bother to explain again.

You seem to think you're a better parent than all the other parents and I'm genuinely left wondering if you wanted her to be with you why you even bothered applying for a school place.

I think a 4 year old shouldn't be sent away to any nursery school, child care if the parent is at home and willing to take on the role of carer and educator for their child

And she absolutely doesn’t have to be. You have options. You don’t have to send her until she’s 5, and you can chose to homeschool past that point. The advise you are being given is that part time is the worst option. Learning is all about blocks, you need the foundation blocks to progress. If you can adequately give her those blocks (and the right ones, not just your interpretation) then stick with your decision. But the school are rightly concerned that your teaching methods / syllabus will not give her the same blocks as the rest of her peers. And that’s just the maths aspect. She will also need to adjust to a new routine and timetable at a time when the school don’t have the resources to transition her individually.

alot of parents who post here saying that I'm putting my needs before hers are not understanding my concerns of why I think a 4 year old shouldn't be sent away to any nursery school, child care if the parent is at home

You don't need to send her. You could home educate, or just send her to start in year 1. But what you shouldn't do is prat around with half days and pretend it's in the best interests for your child because it's not.

but being that reception is mostly play based with some formal learning how is it any different to going part time to nursery or preschool?

Because in nursery or preschool the other children are all doing different hours / days. When it comes to reception the rest of the children are all doing full days and your child will be the only one going home after dinner.

Most countries do not start formal learning until 7 so she will miss nothing that can't be caught up later.

When the children in these countries start school they expect the children to attend for the full session. No one on here is saying OP should have to send her child into Reception, she could choose to home educate or start her next year in year 1. But what she shouldn't do is force her child to come home after half a day.

So you understand the more formal aspect of YR1, but don't realise that the full school day during Reception is what sets them up for that? The incorporation or play based learning with some table based and listening activities. A perfect blend of free-play and structured learning - throughout a 6 hour school day, to set her up for the rest of her education?

Either defer until age 5 or home-school, it's literally that easy.

Oh, to be the most perfect parent in the world 🙄

I think it's an odd thing to do. My 4.5 year old is more than ready for school, he's desperate to learn anything he can and I'm so looking forward to seeing how much he grows this year.

School in reception is not sitting at desks, it's play-based and fun. She'll likely catch up fine, I doubt it will affect her long-term... but what's the point in not sending her?

@Jenro22 stop thinking of it as "school". Think of it as Kindergarten (which most other countries have and 4 year old children attend).
Reception class is part of primary school in England but it isn't "formal" education.
It's the second year of Early Years Foundation Stage (some schools actually call it Foundation Year). It's not school school.

Most countries do not start formal learning until 7 so she will miss nothing that can't be caught up later.

Utter nonsense.

https://expatchild.com/school-starting-ages-around-world/

@FKATondelayo indeed !
To be honest even in England and Wales Key Stage 1 (ages 5-7, Years 1 and 2, also known as "The Infants" is still a lot of play and learning that is actually fun activities cleverly disguised.

Why are you asking if you’ve decided you’re definitely doing it?

when I spoke to her teachers we agreed in October we will reassess her situation. if my daughter asks to stay in school I will not force her to go home.
the concern regarding part time I somewhat understand but is being blown out of proportion ,
outweighing the pros and cons I think its a great opportunity for my daughter to experience something new, learn and have fun, same reasonging behind putting her 1 day in nursery.
the cons she may feel left out but again if that's the case I can put her in full time ( but knowing my daughter I don't think this will be the case, might be but not entirely sure it will) her socialising isn't something I'm too concerned about or of making friends, again she is very outgoing and confident and isn't shy or timid. and once she officially starts school she will have all the opportunities to build on relationships with her peers. again at this age this isn't my prime concern. with falling behind any subjects again isn't the world she will be able to catch up if needed. same as I did and many people who missed out or needed extra support. alot of kids struggle in school despite being full time I think alot of it has to do with the educators, quality of learning the individual and home situation. so lots of factors. but again nothing that cant be dealt with if needed.

Year 1 is much more taxing and intensive, expectations of the children (and things they can do for themselves) is greater. Lots of kids who enjoy reception, struggle with the step-up in year 1. I’d be very worried to parachute a child who didn’t properly attend reception into year 1. That to me would be unfair - some would say setting the child up to fail.

Which country are you in?