Pressure to send 4 year old to reception

[Jenro22]

I'm dealing with a situation with my 4.5 year old daughter. She'll be starting reception next week and I am set on my decision to send her only part time until its compulsory for her to be in full time I'm already being pressured by her teachers to send her in full time as they fear she'll fall behind her peers in maths as I intend to send her only in the mornings mon-fri meaning she'll miss maths in the afternoon. I mentiond that surely the level of maths she may miss can be easily caught up to when she joins in February (when she'll be of compulsory age). even suggested i can do bits of learning with her at home as we already do when the opportunity arrises. such as counting, adding and subtracting whatever is at hand for example sweets etc. They tried to argue that its not in her best interest to fall behind. in my opinion age 4 is anyways to young for formal learning and if they expect 4 year olds to ingest what they intend to teach I feel is abit far fetched. as some kids might excel but many won't as they are not mentally developed for learning in such a way. they should be playing, as for learning maths theyll learn through play and real life scenarios like couting sweets, fruit , toys etc. and if anything I think it may leave a negative impact on them and turn them off school. which is the opposite of what we all want. 🤔

UK

@Jenro22 if you are living in England or Wales it's the term after she turns 5 (so after Easter) - not literally after her fifth birthday in February. Either they told you wrong you you misunderstood.

There are far too many “I’s” in your posts. Be careful that this isn’t about you and fear of not being with her every second of every day. It’s about her and what’s best for her so many teachers have said part time is not the best and maybe defer but you aren’t listening be wary who are you fighting others for ? ….. Her or you as I think it’s the latter

It really sounds like you're doing this for you.....

DC1 missed loads of Reception as it was lockdown and homeschooling. DC2 has just finished R and gone into year 1. I never had any doubts about how important and fun at the same time R is but only now having had one child complete it fully have I really seen how much DC1 missed through all those long weeks of homeschooling.

I wouldn't have mine miss a moment of it if they didn't have to.

Stick to your guns, my daughter did reception part time last year. I thought she was too young, not ready and didnt really need to be there full time. It worked brilliantly she started on mornings then added on afternoons as she built up her stamina for school, she was full time after Easter.

They did both maths and phonics in the morning so she didn’t miss out on anything academic just play in the afternoon. She finished the year being able to read fluently and with a good maths base (adding, subtracting, counting in 2s, 5, 10s etc)

Do I regret it?? Absolutely not, part time reception was the best for her and that year goes fast.

Although children typically start Reception year the August/September after their 4th birthday, legally they do not have to be in full time education until the term after they turn 5 years old as you know OP.

So actually you can do whatever you like between September and February in terms of how many hours you wish to send her into school.

You can’t delay your daughter’s Reception Year until the following September though as your daughter has to be educated with this current intake.

You could only delay your daughter’s Reception start by a whole year if she’d been born between April and August (aka ‘Summer Born’), but as she was February born it isn’t relevant.

So the options are:

1. Start her part time this September and then she goes full time when she’s 5.

2. She starts full time straight away.

3. You formally home school her until the point where she’d be going into Year 1 if starting at that age is what feels more appropriate to you.

4. You formally home school her for however long you wish.

They did both maths and phonics in the morning so she didn’t miss out on anything academic just play in the afternoon.

This is such a sad comment. School is about so much more than maths and phonics. "Just play" is such a dismissive attitude to what happens in Reception.

Tbh most of your posts are about you and what you want, you not being ready for your daughter to leave you, your relationship with learning and school.

I have an august born DD, she’s already in nursery 3 days a week because I work and I think it has done wonders for her development both mentally and socially. She’ll be going to school full time a month after she turns 4. Ibe spoken to lots of teacher friends and relatives and they’ve all said girls cope better than boys and those that have been to nursery already cope better still.

Agreed it speaks volumes. Also even if it was only play, it isn't but you get my drift that's just as if not more important than all the maths and literacy!

How about how confusing it will be for her, being the only child taken out of class every day?

She’ll either end up questioning herself because you’re accidentally making her feel like she can’t cope with school or is too babyish for it, or leave her thinking she’s more ‘special’ than the other children.

Honestly I’d worry DD is missing out on opportunities to socialise. I had my Dd just before lockdown, we had no-one to bubble with and she is an only child. She does fine at nursery and is generally liked but you can tell that she’s still nervous about social interaction.

I found it quite hard leaving her at nursery initially but she’s been very happy there and she’s definitely built confidence. I wasn’t sure she was ready but she really was.

just wanted to say thank you for everyone's comments, inputs and opinions. I posted on here precisely for this purpose to promote discourse gather more opinions, read the arguments for and against my own. I have alot to consider. this being a very important decision to make, eventhough I have said that Ive decided not to send her full time all of your comments on why you disagree is making me rethink my decision. but again not entirely convinced as I've posted before why she being so young it's best for her to be with me until she is of compulsory age.
for those interested and are interested check out Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Book by Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld

The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children
Book by Shefali Tsabary

both amazing reads and a bit of an insight on why I feel so strongly on why young children need to be with parents.

It’s interesting that you think your DD preferring to talk to teachers is a sign of healthy attachment.

My DD prefers talking to adults too and described as being very clever. I see it as a sign of insecurity, adults are predictable and teacher’s especially will be patient and listen to you and respond appropriately, they ate safe. Children are unpredictable and blunt, the response you get from kids is not consistent and I think my Dd struggles with the uncertainty of engaging with other kids sometimes. This has definitely improved with nursery attendance.

I agree with this and I verge on tiger mum(ish) being successful and happy in life is about being able to build relationships as well as being able to leverage whatever skills you have. Children learn through play, it’s an essential part of them being able to learn to read other people and negotiate conflict. It’s not pointless.

I think this too.

If you really think this is for you and not her are you going to allow her to lead it? What if it's a month in and she's angry or upset about being made to leave early and miss out on play with her friends? Will you reassess?

I also don't see this as a particularly positive thing.
I was very much like this as a child. I spent a lot of time around adults as a little child, particularly my Mum, and I had minimal contact with other children. My DH was much the same though for other reasons. We both had major difficulties adapting to school and struggled to make friends with children our own age but were comfortable in adult company. We were seen as clever, confident children because we were at ease communicating with adults but I didn't reallly have any friends my own age until I was in my teens. Neither of us wanted our children to be like this. If I had to give our parenting style a name, we probably tick more of the boxes for attachment parenting than anything else, and we are still a very close family unit even though our children are all late teens/20s. But I do think you can have too much of a good thing and we were very keen to ensure that our children built relationships with other people, including their peers from an early age. I'd have concerned, not pleased if they'd shown the same kind of strong preference for adult company that I did as a young child.

It may well be that 4 year olds are better off being with a parent, in the ideal world, but we don't live in the ideal world. We live in a country where children start Reception at 4.

being the odd one out & only going part time will not help HER, it will
hinder HER.

Reception is a build up to starting Y1, it's an important Year. I get that you'll start her full time Feb/Easter, but really singling her out for 6 months will do her NO favours. At all. She'll be behind her peers in things you cannot catch up on. It's not the maths of reading, it's the social structure of school, making friends AT school, not just at the park.

rspecially as she's only had 1 day a week at nursery, you're really not helping her.

send her full time, make it fun for her and spend time with your 2year old.

It's the term after she turns 5.

However with that birthday she'll be far from the youngest in the year.

My y4 missed 2/3rds of reception due to covid. I wouldn't wish that on any child.

This stood out to me too. I don't think preferring the company of adults is a particularly good sign at this age, although they do of course develop quickly.

Sorry OP but you are being incredibly selfish. You are purposefully trying to "other" and disadvantage your own child because of a few books you've read.

She isn't an extension of you, she is her own person. It is crystal clear from your posts that this is all about what you want and has nothing to do with what's best for your dd, despite the fact that you're trying to convince us (and yourself) otherwise.

I'm a very active hands on present mom and give her lots of exposure to different things like playing with friends, going to parks learning through hand on activities

So pretty much basic parenting then. Do you think the rest of us are shutting them in understairs cupboards with a fanta and a packet of crisps while we go down to the workhouse for the day?? What makes your parenting special and different?

Its not...

You are a normal run of the mill mum like the rest of us and your child is a normal child.

Let your child go to school with her peers and get over yourself!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Not read the whole thread, just coming on to recommend this Facebook group flexischooling families uk, lots of discussion on there about part time reception year

I'd be concerned she may miss out on parties as parents tend to give out invites at the school gate. Or the invites go in book bags in the afternoon. I'd also be concerned about missing out on play dates as sometimes these are arranged at pick up time.

Until the clocks go back my reception dc used to go to the park after school with their friends, and parents of course. They make friends quite quickly in Reception.

However you know your daughter best op.