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Primary education

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Pressure to send 4 year old to reception

220 replies

Jenro22 · 05/09/2023 13:32

I'm dealing with a situation with my 4.5 year old daughter. She'll be starting reception next week and I am set on my decision to send her only part time until its compulsory for her to be in full time I'm already being pressured by her teachers to send her in full time as they fear she'll fall behind her peers in maths as I intend to send her only in the mornings mon-fri meaning she'll miss maths in the afternoon. I mentiond that surely the level of maths she may miss can be easily caught up to when she joins in February (when she'll be of compulsory age). even suggested i can do bits of learning with her at home as we already do when the opportunity arrises. such as counting, adding and subtracting whatever is at hand for example sweets etc. They tried to argue that its not in her best interest to fall behind. in my opinion age 4 is anyways to young for formal learning and if they expect 4 year olds to ingest what they intend to teach I feel is abit far fetched. as some kids might excel but many won't as they are not mentally developed for learning in such a way. they should be playing, as for learning maths theyll learn through play and real life scenarios like couting sweets, fruit , toys etc. and if anything I think it may leave a negative impact on them and turn them off school. which is the opposite of what we all want. 🤔

OP posts:
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determinedtomakethiswork · 05/09/2023 16:19

Mischance · 05/09/2023 14:50

You do what you think is best - you are the one who knows your child.

At the primary where I am CofG children bob in and out all the time for various reasons and they are all fine. It is a rural school and some parents dot about trying different village primaries to see how the transport works out so we get children at all stages.

That sounds like an absolute nightmare for the school.

Hyppogriff · 05/09/2023 16:25

I think it is in her best interests for her to go with her peers. Odd not to tbh. The teachers are right

WaitingfortheTardis · 05/09/2023 16:28

JustAnotherUsey · 05/09/2023 13:41

I agree that kids start too young, but I think it would be worse for her to only do half days. It might stop her from forming friendship groups as she isn't around as much as the others. Also the risk of falling behind academically should be considered.

I agree with this, the social side is so important in reception and they learn a lot through playing and interacting with each other.

Needmorelego · 05/09/2023 16:37

@Mischance was does "CofG" children mean?

bge · 05/09/2023 16:47

It would be a bit sad to miss out on fun things that happen in the afternoons. Eg growing a bean into a plant - she might be the only one without a plant. Or the only one without a butterfly picture on the wall. Or the only one who didn’t get to go to forest school, or meet the policeman.

Mariposista · 05/09/2023 16:49

How to 'other' your child.
All the others will be enjoying break time/lunch together, forming friendships, doing the afternoon activities etc, and yours will be going home. poor kid.

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 05/09/2023 17:11

she might be the only one without a plant. Or the only one without a butterfly picture on the wall. Or the only one who didn’t get to go to forest school, or meet the policeman.

Or the one who misses out on spontaneous playdates or trips to the park that are fixed up at the school gate at home time.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/09/2023 17:16

You aren't dealing with a situation, you have created an entirely unnecessary situation.

You haven't returned to the thread and I'm guessing won't because most people aren't agreeing with you.

Just let your child go and learn and play with her peers rather than pulling her out because you aren't ready for her to go to school full time (because at 4.5 she is probably more than ready even if you aren't!)

gogomoto · 05/09/2023 17:21

Many of her class will have been in full time nursery since one or younger, many will be going to after school club or childminders after school - insisting on part time until an arbitrary date seems pretty odd to me ... why not see how your child manages? They may cope absolutely fine, and if not part time until half term perhaps

TeenLifeMum · 05/09/2023 17:49

@underneaththeash only one of them was and she wanted to be at school with her friends. The downside was one term or tiredness. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing but with hindsight it stopped her slipping behind, which she would have if she missed afternoons which were mostly play and socialising. At 12 I can confidently look back and say it was right for her. She already felt behind when others could write and read and she couldn’t because she was a whole year younger (30 Aug premature baby).

It was something I discussed with the head teacher and we tried it and she was happy. If she’d been crying and miserable I’d have acted differently. She’s still a sleepy child now to be honest and loves her bed.

i think it’s important to try the norm and if that doesn’t work adapt rather than assume your dc won’t cope.

starpatch · 05/09/2023 19:41

my son went 2 mornings and 2 full days in reception all year. In fact he was then 4 days only in year 1 and 2. As the school allowed flexi schooling, they encouraged outdoor activities on the day I had him. He did fine in his year 2 and year 6 sats. This is your legal right, so maybe put it in writing to them through a letter and spell out you are aware its your legal right, they shouldn't be pressuring you like this. Full time in reception is too much for a lot of children in my opinion.

Bunnycat101 · 05/09/2023 20:34

I am now of the view that reception is one of the most important years in school. There seem to be lots of issues with the current y3 and y4s who had a disrupted reception year due to covid. On the face of it, they’re just learning through play and the academics aren’t that tough but they are picking up so much about behaviour, how to be a good learner etc that the time seems to be critical. The jump to y1 also feels high. Reception is the one year I absolutely wouldn’t mess about with. I also think it will be much more disruptive for your child to leave her friends at lunchtime.

BoleynMemories13 · 06/09/2023 03:20

Reception teacher here struggling with the usual back to school insomnia. I wouldn't normally be posting at 3am but I simply couldn't read and run with this one.

Can I ask if you have a genuine reason for believing part-time until 5 is right for your child as an individual? (SEN, anxiety etc). Or is it more a pre-conceived idea you have that children start school too young in this country and therefore you wish to exercise your right to keep her part-time until compulsory school age, without considering her individual needs?

If it's the former, I would strongly stress your concern to the school and see if you can come up with a plan to best support her, working together to meet her individual needs. If it is the latter, and you're just wishing to follow this plan because it's what you believe in, rather than it genuinely being with your individual child's needs in mind, don't be surprised if the school aren't supportive I'm afraid.

The school won't be trying to change your mind based on funding, or because your wishes are inconvenient to them, as suggested by a couple of people. It will be because they know through experience how disruptive this will be for your child's education and social wellbeing longterm. I fully support a reduced timetable for those children who genuinely need it (complex SEN) but those whose needs mean they genuinely benefit from this are few and far between in my experience and even they will often find it very distressing having to leave their peers. Leaving at lunchtime will single your child out as being different. That would be my main concern as a teacher, that neither her nor her peers will understand why she leaves at lunch and the rest don't. This can also be very hard to adjust from midway through the year, if she's been use to a part-time timetable. Much better to start as you mean to go on in my experience. Full time schooling will be the norm once she's 5 (unless you home school) so she may as well bed into that routine now, alongside her peers, rather than struggle to adapt later.

Most children cope amazingly well with this and surprise their perhaps previously concerned parents, because they are genuinely ready. Reception is part of the EYFS. It's a vital bridge between pre-school and formal schooling. It's the year they practise being in school. They become part of the school community while still learning through play. They become accustomed to the rules and routines before they're expected to partake in formal lessons. Missing out on large parts of this transitional year can actually be hugely detrimental to children. As the post above rightly points out, you only have to look at the social and academic struggles of the current Year 3/4 cohort to see the effects of a disrupted Reception year. I really wouldn't advise doing that through choice.

The social impact of her missing lunchtime and afternoon sessions would be my main concern but there are academic concerns too. Reception is play-based learning, but the maths curriculum is heavily focused on mastery. It's not just about 'doing' maths, it's a about understanding maths. There's a reason Reception mainly focus on amounts to 5 until Christmas, and to 10 for the rest of the year. There is far more to maths than being able to count a set of objects or add or subtract some random numbers. That's pointless unless they have a true understanding of what those numerals they're working with represent. They will do so much work this year on subitising (seeing the amount without counting), spotting patterns and relationships between numbers and amounts, exploring number bonds, representing amounts in different ways, explaining their reasoning etc. School will teach her strategies which will stay with her and benefit her longterm to fully understand the number system once the numbers start to get bigger in Year 1 and beyond. If she misses that and just ends up with a superficial understanding of maths (through rote learned facts, as often can happen with children who do a lot of maths at home with parents through counting and 'sums'), she'll end up with big gaps in her knowledge face an uphill struggle to catch up.

She'll be learning all of that through carefully planned play-based activities, planned by Early Years experts. Isn't it better she experiences that and does it alongside her peers, having fun while she doesn't even realise she's learning, than going home early each day only to do maths activities with you anyway?

Her teachers are highly trained professionals who will have your daughter's best interests at heart. I'm not suggesting you don't, just that your concerns seem misplaced. If you are choosing to enter our school system and don't have clear reasons why you feel she as an individual needs to remain part time (indefinitely, until ready, rather than some arbitrary date where she'll have to go full time anyway) I would respect their experience on this one.

If you strongly don't agree with our education system to the point where you're prepared to disrupt your daughter's Reception year to make a point, rather than it being in her own individual interests, then I would strongly suggest you pull her out to home-school her full time as chopping and changing with part time schooling, singling her out as different to her peers, does not sound like it will be in her best interests.

Toddlerteaplease · 06/09/2023 04:01

What if she absolutely loves school. (Many do at that age) and doesn't want to go home at lunchtime?

alittleadvicepls · 06/09/2023 04:46

4.5 yr old isn’t that young? What about all the other kiddos who are the same age and doing full time? Idk OP I’d just commit to full time. It’d also be so confusing to your DD to be pulled out midday! I’m surprised half days are even an option- I can imagine a lot of schools would say thanks but no thanks.

PatchworkElmer · 06/09/2023 05:13

Personally I’d send her full time and wait to see how things go. I’ve only known 2 children go PT in reception (out of about 50 I know who have started in the last 5 years)- and both have SEN, and went PT at the suggestion of their schools after trying FT initially.

Autieangel · 06/09/2023 05:39

My concern would be that she will find year 1 harder to adjust as it's a lot more table based so going from reception to year one is already an adjustment but if she's not use to doing full days it will be bigger there's also the social aspect of playing at lunch time together.

I personally don't think formal education should start until around age 7 but in the UK it's earlier is she will essentially miss out on learning that will prepare her for year 1.

megletthesecond · 06/09/2023 06:49

I wouldn't do this. She'll miss out on lunchtime play, afternoon activities (nativity rehearsals!) and you'll barely get to know other parents and children in the playground.

FloweryName · 06/09/2023 06:57

The teachers are talking from experience and they are right.

it is very unsettling for a child to be the only one going home and missing out on part of the day. Your dd will wonder what she’s done wrong and why she can’t stay. It will also be harder for her to form friendship because the others will prefer to bond with children that are around to play with at lunch and in the afternoons.

I have no idea why you would do this to your child against the advice of people who have far more experience than you.

voltacup · 06/09/2023 07:43

BoleynMemories13 · 06/09/2023 03:20

Reception teacher here struggling with the usual back to school insomnia. I wouldn't normally be posting at 3am but I simply couldn't read and run with this one.

Can I ask if you have a genuine reason for believing part-time until 5 is right for your child as an individual? (SEN, anxiety etc). Or is it more a pre-conceived idea you have that children start school too young in this country and therefore you wish to exercise your right to keep her part-time until compulsory school age, without considering her individual needs?

If it's the former, I would strongly stress your concern to the school and see if you can come up with a plan to best support her, working together to meet her individual needs. If it is the latter, and you're just wishing to follow this plan because it's what you believe in, rather than it genuinely being with your individual child's needs in mind, don't be surprised if the school aren't supportive I'm afraid.

The school won't be trying to change your mind based on funding, or because your wishes are inconvenient to them, as suggested by a couple of people. It will be because they know through experience how disruptive this will be for your child's education and social wellbeing longterm. I fully support a reduced timetable for those children who genuinely need it (complex SEN) but those whose needs mean they genuinely benefit from this are few and far between in my experience and even they will often find it very distressing having to leave their peers. Leaving at lunchtime will single your child out as being different. That would be my main concern as a teacher, that neither her nor her peers will understand why she leaves at lunch and the rest don't. This can also be very hard to adjust from midway through the year, if she's been use to a part-time timetable. Much better to start as you mean to go on in my experience. Full time schooling will be the norm once she's 5 (unless you home school) so she may as well bed into that routine now, alongside her peers, rather than struggle to adapt later.

Most children cope amazingly well with this and surprise their perhaps previously concerned parents, because they are genuinely ready. Reception is part of the EYFS. It's a vital bridge between pre-school and formal schooling. It's the year they practise being in school. They become part of the school community while still learning through play. They become accustomed to the rules and routines before they're expected to partake in formal lessons. Missing out on large parts of this transitional year can actually be hugely detrimental to children. As the post above rightly points out, you only have to look at the social and academic struggles of the current Year 3/4 cohort to see the effects of a disrupted Reception year. I really wouldn't advise doing that through choice.

The social impact of her missing lunchtime and afternoon sessions would be my main concern but there are academic concerns too. Reception is play-based learning, but the maths curriculum is heavily focused on mastery. It's not just about 'doing' maths, it's a about understanding maths. There's a reason Reception mainly focus on amounts to 5 until Christmas, and to 10 for the rest of the year. There is far more to maths than being able to count a set of objects or add or subtract some random numbers. That's pointless unless they have a true understanding of what those numerals they're working with represent. They will do so much work this year on subitising (seeing the amount without counting), spotting patterns and relationships between numbers and amounts, exploring number bonds, representing amounts in different ways, explaining their reasoning etc. School will teach her strategies which will stay with her and benefit her longterm to fully understand the number system once the numbers start to get bigger in Year 1 and beyond. If she misses that and just ends up with a superficial understanding of maths (through rote learned facts, as often can happen with children who do a lot of maths at home with parents through counting and 'sums'), she'll end up with big gaps in her knowledge face an uphill struggle to catch up.

She'll be learning all of that through carefully planned play-based activities, planned by Early Years experts. Isn't it better she experiences that and does it alongside her peers, having fun while she doesn't even realise she's learning, than going home early each day only to do maths activities with you anyway?

Her teachers are highly trained professionals who will have your daughter's best interests at heart. I'm not suggesting you don't, just that your concerns seem misplaced. If you are choosing to enter our school system and don't have clear reasons why you feel she as an individual needs to remain part time (indefinitely, until ready, rather than some arbitrary date where she'll have to go full time anyway) I would respect their experience on this one.

If you strongly don't agree with our education system to the point where you're prepared to disrupt your daughter's Reception year to make a point, rather than it being in her own individual interests, then I would strongly suggest you pull her out to home-school her full time as chopping and changing with part time schooling, singling her out as different to her peers, does not sound like it will be in her best interests.

What a brilliant post 👏

2chocolateoranges · 06/09/2023 07:49

I’m an all or nothing kind of person, if you are going to sign your child up for school then it’s for the full time . It’s only a couple of hours extra but your child will miss out on so much more, eg friendships forming, not doing the same work, knowing they are different than the others.

So for me it would either be full time school or defer for the next year.

Inkpotlover · 06/09/2023 10:00

BoleynMemories13 · 06/09/2023 03:20

Reception teacher here struggling with the usual back to school insomnia. I wouldn't normally be posting at 3am but I simply couldn't read and run with this one.

Can I ask if you have a genuine reason for believing part-time until 5 is right for your child as an individual? (SEN, anxiety etc). Or is it more a pre-conceived idea you have that children start school too young in this country and therefore you wish to exercise your right to keep her part-time until compulsory school age, without considering her individual needs?

If it's the former, I would strongly stress your concern to the school and see if you can come up with a plan to best support her, working together to meet her individual needs. If it is the latter, and you're just wishing to follow this plan because it's what you believe in, rather than it genuinely being with your individual child's needs in mind, don't be surprised if the school aren't supportive I'm afraid.

The school won't be trying to change your mind based on funding, or because your wishes are inconvenient to them, as suggested by a couple of people. It will be because they know through experience how disruptive this will be for your child's education and social wellbeing longterm. I fully support a reduced timetable for those children who genuinely need it (complex SEN) but those whose needs mean they genuinely benefit from this are few and far between in my experience and even they will often find it very distressing having to leave their peers. Leaving at lunchtime will single your child out as being different. That would be my main concern as a teacher, that neither her nor her peers will understand why she leaves at lunch and the rest don't. This can also be very hard to adjust from midway through the year, if she's been use to a part-time timetable. Much better to start as you mean to go on in my experience. Full time schooling will be the norm once she's 5 (unless you home school) so she may as well bed into that routine now, alongside her peers, rather than struggle to adapt later.

Most children cope amazingly well with this and surprise their perhaps previously concerned parents, because they are genuinely ready. Reception is part of the EYFS. It's a vital bridge between pre-school and formal schooling. It's the year they practise being in school. They become part of the school community while still learning through play. They become accustomed to the rules and routines before they're expected to partake in formal lessons. Missing out on large parts of this transitional year can actually be hugely detrimental to children. As the post above rightly points out, you only have to look at the social and academic struggles of the current Year 3/4 cohort to see the effects of a disrupted Reception year. I really wouldn't advise doing that through choice.

The social impact of her missing lunchtime and afternoon sessions would be my main concern but there are academic concerns too. Reception is play-based learning, but the maths curriculum is heavily focused on mastery. It's not just about 'doing' maths, it's a about understanding maths. There's a reason Reception mainly focus on amounts to 5 until Christmas, and to 10 for the rest of the year. There is far more to maths than being able to count a set of objects or add or subtract some random numbers. That's pointless unless they have a true understanding of what those numerals they're working with represent. They will do so much work this year on subitising (seeing the amount without counting), spotting patterns and relationships between numbers and amounts, exploring number bonds, representing amounts in different ways, explaining their reasoning etc. School will teach her strategies which will stay with her and benefit her longterm to fully understand the number system once the numbers start to get bigger in Year 1 and beyond. If she misses that and just ends up with a superficial understanding of maths (through rote learned facts, as often can happen with children who do a lot of maths at home with parents through counting and 'sums'), she'll end up with big gaps in her knowledge face an uphill struggle to catch up.

She'll be learning all of that through carefully planned play-based activities, planned by Early Years experts. Isn't it better she experiences that and does it alongside her peers, having fun while she doesn't even realise she's learning, than going home early each day only to do maths activities with you anyway?

Her teachers are highly trained professionals who will have your daughter's best interests at heart. I'm not suggesting you don't, just that your concerns seem misplaced. If you are choosing to enter our school system and don't have clear reasons why you feel she as an individual needs to remain part time (indefinitely, until ready, rather than some arbitrary date where she'll have to go full time anyway) I would respect their experience on this one.

If you strongly don't agree with our education system to the point where you're prepared to disrupt your daughter's Reception year to make a point, rather than it being in her own individual interests, then I would strongly suggest you pull her out to home-school her full time as chopping and changing with part time schooling, singling her out as different to her peers, does not sound like it will be in her best interests.

I hope you're still reading the thread @Jenro22, as this is excellent.

Knors · 06/09/2023 10:45

Why do people think reception is a big deal? It's literally just a continuation of nursery IMO.

Needmorelego · 06/09/2023 10:56

@Knors exactly. In most other countries this stage of education is called Kindergarten. People go on about other countries not starting school "until age 6 or 7" but in most countries 90% of children will have been in Kindergarten (in some form or another) since the age of 4 - or even younger.

ReeseWitherfork · 06/09/2023 11:01

Knors · 06/09/2023 10:45

Why do people think reception is a big deal? It's literally just a continuation of nursery IMO.

I think @BoleynMemories13 explains pretty well why reception is a “big deal”. Subjective though, if you read her post and still don’t think it is then there nothing anyone else is going to be able to add.