Pressure to send 4 year old to reception

[Jenro22]

I'm dealing with a situation with my 4.5 year old daughter. She'll be starting reception next week and I am set on my decision to send her only part time until its compulsory for her to be in full time I'm already being pressured by her teachers to send her in full time as they fear she'll fall behind her peers in maths as I intend to send her only in the mornings mon-fri meaning she'll miss maths in the afternoon. I mentiond that surely the level of maths she may miss can be easily caught up to when she joins in February (when she'll be of compulsory age). even suggested i can do bits of learning with her at home as we already do when the opportunity arrises. such as counting, adding and subtracting whatever is at hand for example sweets etc. They tried to argue that its not in her best interest to fall behind. in my opinion age 4 is anyways to young for formal learning and if they expect 4 year olds to ingest what they intend to teach I feel is abit far fetched. as some kids might excel but many won't as they are not mentally developed for learning in such a way. they should be playing, as for learning maths theyll learn through play and real life scenarios like couting sweets, fruit , toys etc. and if anything I think it may leave a negative impact on them and turn them off school. which is the opposite of what we all want. 🤔

I've read it and still don't think it's a big deal. In fact that post made it even clearer to me that it is indeed not a big deal. Adults just project their anxiety on to their kids just like the OP is doing. The OP has already made up her mind that her kid is definitely not ready for full time reception as if she's some kind of child therapist or something all because she thinks age 4 is "too young" for formal learning. Kids in reception just play and do a bit of writing here and there, thy're not bloody doing simultaneous equations or writing elaborate think pieces.

Don't get me wrong. I do understand the little niggles we have as parents when our kids starts something new (this is a normal instinct) but sometimes we as adults need to grow up and allow our kids to grow up as well. Follow their lead instead of forcing them to follow ours.

Sorry classic misunderstanding.
I thought you meant “big deal” as in… they don’t achieve much, what’s the point, no big deal if they don’t go.
But it seems you mean… it’s fun, it’s part of life, it’s a nice environment, you’re not sending them off to the army, just for a few hours hanging out with their friends.
If I’ve got that right then yes I agree. I was thinking it’s a “big deal” in that a child having a different routine / exposed to different things / missing out on learning than their peers could have a knock on effect. But the actual being there is a big deal at all.

Google the EYFS, Development Matters document and reception baseline before being so dismissive.

Dismissive of what? I’ve said they learn loads. I just said I don’t know how they do it. It’s magic (to the untrained eye). Year R appears to be incredible.

This is about what you think might happen. But it probably won't. As others have said, Reception is a lovely year, play based and no need to start her months after everyone else.

As others have said, Reception is (or should be) play based and preparing children for the more formal learning that starts in year 1. However, it is your right to send your daughter part time until the term after her fifth birthday (or even not send her at all). The school needs to accept this.

I sent one of mine part time in reception and met eith resistance. To be honest in retrospect I wouldn't have done it again
It disadvantages them socially, if they are not there half the time ?you are making them the odd one out and some kids will resent her going early

Apologies, think I'm sensitive due to the ignorant comments I've seen on this thread.

she turns 5 in February, was told by her teachers it will then be compulsory for her to be full time from the time she turns 5

@Jenro22 compulsory starting age is the term academic term (3 term system - Autumn, Spring, Summer) after a child turns 5 so for your child that will be the term that starts after the Easter holiday.
You could send her part time now or not at all until then but as others have said she will miss an awful lot of friendships and fun.
The 'formal learning' part of Reception is very little (for example a phonics session will be about 15 minutes of learning while sat on the mat. 9 of those minutes will be the teacher telling the children to stop playing with the velcro on their shoes, stop platting each others hair and "Yes Billy - your new puppy is interesting but we are doing phonics now" 🙂).

What does your daughter say now @Jenro22 assuming she’s started?

like I said, my DD is the same age and is loving reception. She was so excited to do phonics and maths. She’s desperate to go to assembly. From what she’s said though there’s been lots of stories, playing and relaxing to nursery rhymes in the heat.

I find myself in a real predicament, I understand this is how the system is currently here in the uk and children just start school alot earlier than many other children elsewhere and the concerns if she doesn't follow the same route she may be singled out.
however the way I see it at this age if possible (say financially) that a child can stay at home with their parent who understands their developmental needs then that's where a young child should be. I feel society pressures us to leave our children way too early with the goal to get parents back to work. I think what a child needs more than anything else at this age is a strong emotional bond with their parents. I'm very much in agreement with both doctors Dr. Shefali and Dr. Gabor Mate amongst others with similiar views that attachment conscious parenting is what younger children need for them to grow up to become resilient and emotionally strong adults and this should be the major focus for parenting children and the pressures parents face to push our youngest children academically and to prioritise socialising with peers is not always in the best interest of the children.
learning subjects like maths in a formal way will be taught to her soon enough and will continue through her entire adolescents, same as making school friends this will all come in time socialising happens everyday, when I take her out to meet her friends and when she's around family or even strangers lets say whilst shpping or at the park. my daughter has only been going to nursey one day a week since she was 3, she is both very intelligent and sociable, she has no problems making friends but does when the opportunity arrises likes to spend majority of her time conversing with her teachers. which I think is a clear sign of her healthy attachment to her dad and me and in the long term this will have a more positive impact on her development as she learns alot during these conversations and story telling.

Why not home educate her then? She doesn't have to go to school if you don't want her to, just recieve an appropriate education.

Do you not think you’ll be able to create an adequate emotional bond with her at school? Genuinely asking. I’m confused why you think you wouldn’t be able to. Are there specific reasons you think she won’t be ready?

You ignored the question though. Now she's actually at school is she enjoying it and have you conceded that sending her so infrequently will be detrimental to her? The fact is you've made the choice to send her to school so surely you should allow her to embrace being there. If you wanted her at home you didn't have to send her at all but you did.

Look at the GLD's and what is expected of them in reception. As a reception teacher I do the majority of learning through play. Unfortunate teachers even on reception have to provide data and the pressure is on. It's a shame as I agree with you but I know how much she will miss too.

Yes I too am wondering this.

Personally I believe it's entirely possible to send your child to school full time, age 4, and maintain that strong, secure bond you've already created (of course, not all children sadly have this at home so luckily for them full time schooling age 4 is considered the norm in this country, so at least they can feel safe in school). If you truly do think that starting school will negatively affect your bond and go against your child's needs though OP, why are you sending her at all? Home education sounds your best option if your opinions are that strong on the matter.

It really would be in her best interests to go all or nothing as far a school is concerned at this age. The chopping and changing between school in the morning and home with you in the afternoon will be unsettling for her and could ultimately hinder her chances of adapting to full time schooling once she's 5, if she gets use to only going part time. You'd be better off home educating and sending her full time at the start of a new academic year, whether that's Year 1, Year 2 or beyond, whenever you feel she's ready.

Part time actually seems at odds with your beliefs somehow in terms of her having secure bonds and a strong sense of belonging.

The information you have received from school is incorrect though. If you truly do wish her to go part time, you can do so until Easter. The summer term is the next term after she turns 5, so that's when she'll need to he full time by. I would strongly advise against it though.

I know when she starts next week she will learn alot and have lots of fun, I'm a big fan of school, I was the odd kid who loved going to school and thriving. Education and learning in general is amazing, no arguments there. and once she starts because we already have a strong bond I'm sure everything will be fine. I guess the reason why I'm so opposed to sending her full time is in my mind nearly 7 hours a day, 5 days a week is too long for her at 4 to be away from her parents. soon enough she'll be away from me for a large part of her day. I'm not quite ready to have her gone for so long and because of her age I don't think she should be. I've considered homeschooling but as i mentioned before I really did love going to school and not for just being with friends but because of the learning and being in such an informative environment and I hope she can experience the same.

You aren't ready to send her then?

She will miss out on a lot especially closer to Xmas the play rehearsal will probably not be in the morning. She will see her peers getting in costumes whilst she goes home?

It's about socialising and being like peers in reception as much as learning.

Personally- while I understand your concern but I think you are bonkers....

So none of your decision is based upon what is best for your daughter but instead what you want? Also despite the fact you loved school you're happy to deny her that same opportunity so you can keep her home with you?

YABU. Someone else could have made full use of that school place.

This. Your suggesting doing something which teachers at your school and on this thread are saying probably won’t be best for your DD, because of something you want.

Start her full time like all the other children and if you think she’s not ready, ask to defer to next year. But don’t make things harder for her because of your needs.

So basically what you are saying is that YOU are not ready to let your child go to school full time.

I work in early years and we have many 2 and 3 year olds away from their parents for up to 9 hours a day to enable their parents to work, they make exceptional bonds with their key workers and other staff. Who encourage, care, support and encourage them to thrive .

we love the children in our care and treat them as one of our own.

Most countries that don’t start formal education still have places similar to our pre-schools to which most children go from an early age so are still away from
their parents.

Don’t do what you think is best for you rather than your DD

Read what you’ve written back. How many times have you said ‘I’ and ‘me’?

You’ve said she’s clever and well bonded and likes her teachers. Chances are she will love school and won’t want to come home at lunch time.

I know it’s hard to let them fly, but fly they must.