Private school on relatively low income

[mummynoodle]

(This is not just another private v state debate - I've read many and don't think we need another!)

I'm wondering if anyone who has sent their DC(s) to private school (particularly prep/pre-prep, less so secondary) on a low/average salary can talk to me about their experiences?

DD is almost 4, so will be starting Reception in September. We have been looking at both state and indie schools, and we are very heavily leaning towards a pre-prep/prep school that we really love the look of. We're not keen on our state options, don't really feel like they suit DD and have only really liked one after visiting them which we feel she is unlikely to be offered a place as it is small (15 places offered) in a large town and we are not particularly close geographically.

We've spent hours going over the fees, the extra costs, every pro and con you can think of. We've factored in the increasing costs each year, lots of new uniform as she grows, sports equipments, music instruments etc. We can afford the private school but equally we are aware it is a lot of money to spend on our income (£25-30k each). For full transparency, we are separated and the plan is for myself and exDP to pay 45% each and my parents to pay 10%. We started putting money aside in Aug/Sept and have the first term's fees saved. We will not enrol her in the private school without at least one year's fees saved in advance as feel it would be silly to do so without a buffer to be kept in case of emergencies.

If you sent your DC to private school on an average salary, do you feel like you made the right decision? Did they stay in private education? What did you/your DC miss out on because you couldn't afford it?

We "only" earn £80k between us and send our kids privately. But and a huge but... I work there so I get 50% off AND my parents contribute.

Oh AND one dd is on a scholarship

I keep hitting send too quick!!

So basic rounded up numbers
2 kids fees = £30k
Staff discount takes it down to £15k
Small scholarship takes it down to £14k
Grandparents contribution takes it down to £9k

And we still feel the pinch hugely

I'm a bit dubious about your figures tbh op. I take home a bit less that 2300 and I earn a good bit more (6k more) than 30k. So how does that work? Yy do you not pay a pension? That would worry me.

And 1100 for rent or mortgage, car tax and insurance and servicing and finance (if any). And house insurance, life jnsurance (you need this), phone, broadband, council tax, TV licence? Really? We have no mortgage or car finance (old) and our standing bills are easily half that figure, not counting probs 200 pm for car costs (service and repair). Hmmmmm

Haha I forgot the gas and leccy bill!

Exactly as @clary says. The OP isn’t living in the financial world of 2022! Fees will also keep going up. It’s also necessary to understand that generous bursaries are pretty unusual at prep schools. Your Dc would need to be outstanding and you very poor. If you own property, you might not be poor enough. I would honestly look at your state options again and look at private school entry at 7 when DC has had time to excel.

I honestly think you’re daft on such a low salary, but you’re confident in your decision. I really hope your ex partner doesn’t let you (your daughter, really) down. I do fear you’re swept away by the aspirational status of ‘private school mum’, so many have been.

I also don't understand how you're bringing home £2300 on a salary of just over 30k - are you sure that's the net figure?

Also re fees - they start off quite manageable in the reception and pre prep years and then hike up throughout prep.

Honestly that’s soooo low! I am crapping it with CoL and being self employed and our net take home for DH and I is 4x your’s and your ex’s combined! If people like us are worrying I think it’s a real stretch for you OP. But good luck and yes consider it from 7+ or even 10+ get them a year of prep in prior to 11+ proper.

OP your budget is not going to work I think. Your child is tiny. You won't be about to get food for both of you for 35 a week when they are 12. You have less than 200 a week to buy clothes, food, essential transport, presents, school trips, medical (for you, dentist, prescriptions), furniture, bedding etc. You say fuel but what's that for? Car? If so where are the running costs in your budget? If house, where are all the other house bills? Unless you're being subbed more by your folks or someone else than you've shared it's just not doable.

Oh and our fees went up 6% this year! Also limited scholarships available.

Also just to say on top of fees is the extra curricular we do 3x music lessons £66 a week! Then both ours do 3 lots of dance and netball out of school. Oh yes and will start hockey club too - cos unless you do clubs your kids don’t progress into A team! Omg and they do swimming at school but we spend £80 a month on extra swimming. There we go.

i can’t even add it all up!

This just seems a terrible terrible idea.

Why not look at another school other than your local one?

We earn over 150k between us and still have a lodger to pay for DS's nursery. He will be going to state primary. Like you I don't like the nearest ones so I'm looking further afield at schools that are not oversubscribed. Use Locrating and you'll get an idea of where you could get her in.

Take home pay for £30k is £1987 per month. Is your tax incorrect?

to take home 2301 you’d have to be earning £36k

so somethings not adding up here

Yes. Aspiration over facts.

yes, this!

so if OP 36K and op's ex 25K
2300 + 1700
And both of you don't have to pay rent and mortgage. OP you should mention it earlier. that is a huge difference.
(plus, grandparents are willing to help. )

I think it is still ok to afford a private school.

My basic is £36000 and I clear £2215 after pension, I also pay tax on my Medical Insurance so I don’t see how OPs figures are correct

I can't imagine how you can pay for it on those salaries - especially if you are separated. It will be a real push and there won't be much left each month.

I went to a private school. It was hard for the kids whose parents who were really sacrificing to send them. My best friend was one. No one cared but she felt left begind without the holidays, clothes, background that others had. Like she was out of her depth / in another class. The financial pressure caused lots of issues with her parents- who divorced. It's a huge commitment and your child will miss out on other things. Unless you get a nursery, I wouldn't. Also what if your circumstances change? Fine if they get better. But what if you me someone and had another child? What if you lost your job? What if you became I'll?

It's a lot to commit to...

We earn over £100k annually and I wouldn't do it.

I'm in a similar situation a few years ahead (DD at secondary now).

We are also separated and for everyone saying 'oh he might have other kids', just because relationships don't work out, doesn't mean they aren't still good dad's 🙄 My ex has kept up with 5

Posted too soon!

We are lower income than most, but making sacrifices for her to enjoy school has been 100% worth it. Our local state schools don't compare to the preps class sizes and facilities . There isn't THAT much extra to pay for...

I don't think anyone is implying he wouldn't still be a good dad. It's just with such tight figures, there's a good chance he wouldn't be able to afford the fees if he had another child to support.

I think it is so admirable you're willing to save and scrimp for your children's education.

However, I agree with the posters that say it is much more important in secondary school.

Speaking as someone whose parents earned quite a bit less than those combined incomes (though this was over a decade ago and in the North so the fees would have been lower compared to now) and sent me to a private secondary school (but not primary), I would say:
a) having a private secondary education was absolutely invaluable for me personally in terms of university and job prospects. However, it was doable without a private primary. Even with the private secondary, I had private tutors so money needed to be set aside for that.
B) although there were a lot of rich people in the school, there were also a good number of middle class and lesser well off children in school-personally I didn't feel uncomfortable about my parents much much lower income. It was uncomfortable at times because we hadnt had a "holiday" for my whole time in school up to gcse. But on balance, the education I got out of it was worth it (oxbridge and a very good job).
C) my concern would be whether by the end you would have enough for private secondary (unless you have access to a very good grammar school). Otherwise I would save up and put all the money into secondary. That said, if the strategy is to put all the money into a private primary and then secondary grammar, that may be okay.

Most people are saying both parents are relatively young (early thirties if even that). Both might have more children and the sums don’t look like private school would be affordable for more than one child. Even the additional cost of raining additional children would put private schools for one in danger.

your ex is paying his fair share of the private school fees for five children. You both must have a much larger income than OP and her ex. If he had five more children could he still afford it? Could you afford to send more children to private school or even pay the fees for the existing five if you had extra children to support?

it would make either of you bad parents if you couldn’t.

We don't have 5 kids 😂 I posted too soon! I meant to say he pays 50% of fees for 1! We were 22 (newly graduated when we had DD).

OP you also can't always live life planning for the absolute worst that will happen. You're more likely to get payrises and promotions over the years and meet someone new (to share household bills with), which is what happend to both me and my ex.

I'm sure you're taking both sides on but for us, making sacrifices on my luxuries like holidays has been without a doubt worth it.