Private school on relatively low income

[mummynoodle]

(This is not just another private v state debate - I've read many and don't think we need another!)

I'm wondering if anyone who has sent their DC(s) to private school (particularly prep/pre-prep, less so secondary) on a low/average salary can talk to me about their experiences?

DD is almost 4, so will be starting Reception in September. We have been looking at both state and indie schools, and we are very heavily leaning towards a pre-prep/prep school that we really love the look of. We're not keen on our state options, don't really feel like they suit DD and have only really liked one after visiting them which we feel she is unlikely to be offered a place as it is small (15 places offered) in a large town and we are not particularly close geographically.

We've spent hours going over the fees, the extra costs, every pro and con you can think of. We've factored in the increasing costs each year, lots of new uniform as she grows, sports equipments, music instruments etc. We can afford the private school but equally we are aware it is a lot of money to spend on our income (£25-30k each). For full transparency, we are separated and the plan is for myself and exDP to pay 45% each and my parents to pay 10%. We started putting money aside in Aug/Sept and have the first term's fees saved. We will not enrol her in the private school without at least one year's fees saved in advance as feel it would be silly to do so without a buffer to be kept in case of emergencies.

If you sent your DC to private school on an average salary, do you feel like you made the right decision? Did they stay in private education? What did you/your DC miss out on because you couldn't afford it?

If this is the only concern and you are satisfied that the level of education at the private school is likely to be much better then go for it!

Forget the concerns over not keeping up with the other kids. Even if that is the case, the opportunity is worth it imo.

In my case (private secondary, prob one of the worse off financially in school), I did feel like I missed out on holidays and many other things at the time, but really that sacrifice is for such a short amount of time. Because of the better educational opportunities which came with my school, I am now better off than many of my peers at the said school - whereas back then they had better houses, it is the other way round now. I definitely do not miss the lack of holidays in my childhood now, whereas if it had been the other way round, I would have most definitely missed the better education.

You are so lucky to be better off than your old peers.

I have done much better work wise than a lot of my old gang - but I haven’t been able to compete with the level of parental assistance they get. One friend was given a house as a wedding present!! Another bough a fixer upper and has complained about the costs. Her husband told me her dad gave them £200k to build an extension!!

so while I am very proud of my achievements they are still significantly better off than me.

but that is life. They simply had advantages that my parents can’t afford.

@Stripedbag101 agree that with many cases, you definitely cannot compete with the level of parental assistance that some people can get!! I'm lucky to be doing better than a lot of my peers but equally there are many people whose family wealth are such that I'll never be able to compete with them!

I suppose my point is that I'm just so grateful for the sacrifices my parents made back then-it was very uncomfortable for a time for the whole family financially but the "pain" or "discomfort" lasts for a relatively "short" time in the grand scheme of things. The real comparison may not be so much with my peers as with where I might have been if such education opportunities were not there.

OP

Ignore the naysayers. Yes, you may have to work your ass off, get promoted, new job, two jobs, whatever, but if you're tenacious enough, you'll do it fine.

Prep at around 3K a term is affordable on your salary and loads of parents scrimp and save to go private. There's too busy to post on MN.

Many MN'ers are so out of touch and wealthy, they can't imagine living on 30K a year as a single mum for food, never mind private school. Just look at the private school chat on MN, schools like St Pauls Juniors, Westminster Under, discussed like choosing chocolates, with fees more than double what you're looking at.

If a local NHS GP and a pharmacist wife posted they had just missed a scholarship place for their son but held an offer from 45K a year Winchester, should they make big sacrifices and send their son, you'd have a stream of posters saying they were mad, especially as they had other children , especially as most GPs in the provinces don't earn six figures, most pharmacists barely earn 40K. On top of that being non-white the boy would 'stick out' never mind the fact he was from humble middle class background next to sons of the landed genty and doctors of London Harley Street surgeons But that's what Sunak's parents did.

Go your own way.

Fgs most private school alumni lead pretty bog standard lives. John major and Margaret thatcher both went to state schools.

Prep at around 3K a term is affordable on your salary and loads of parents scrimp and save to go private.

Yes, the base fees may look affordable on paper. Scrimping and saving is a metaphor.

I pay for my goddaughter’s primary school fees. When her mum (my best friend) and I were deciding a few years ago whether it was viable I too thought like the OP, that £11k a year didn’t sound like very much really, it was easily affordable on my income. But with all the add ons, I really notice the outgoing - and I earn (just) six figures, and because I’m not her parent I don’t even have the extra costs of housing, feeding and clothing her on top. My goddaughter’s pre prep requires all children to have a school lunch, no packed lunches. That’s £5.50 a day. If they stay in the after school provision, there’s an extra surcharge for snacks and materials provided. I pay just under £100 a month for that. School trips cost an absolute bomb: I don’t know what the fuck they do with six-year-olds for a day at the Viking Centre but it cost me £95. The trip they did for some kind of beach exploration in Burnham the month after that was another £70. Her uniform coat this winter cost the same as I’d spend on my own coat - and I buy very nice coats! And then there’s the pressure to help her achieve what they say is her best: when her mum and I go to parents’ evenings and are told that Ava is so bright and eager that they really recommend her taking Mandarin lessons as an extracurricular, only £600 a term for the tutor; and has shown particular aptitude at her speaking in drama and should join the theatre school at £70 each Saturday session; and we feel like we’d be badly letting her down if we didn’t. So we sign her up.

You might think you’ll be able to say no to all of this. But I can guarantee, you’ll feel like the poor, crap parent for doing so. Goddaughter’s mum is about to get a huge pay rise when she qualifies next year so I’ll be off the hook a bit. I would never, even as a high earner, have signed up for all this knowing it might be a forever commitment for me.

@ComtesseDeSpair the extent of the extras that have to be paid on top of the fees will depend on the school though, surely?. The fees at the school we’re looking at includes food (breakfast, lunch and a light tea if she stays there after school), wraparound care is no extra cost, trips are included apart from the residential trips in years 7 & 8 and money for coaches for non-curriculum trips. I have a list of all their clubs and activities - most are free, 4 or 5 are run by outside companies and so cost a few pounds per session.

Extra tuition, musical instrument lessons, clubs/activities that she wants to take further than the average after school club are the main extras I can think of, but those costs would also apply at state school.

Oh, and obviously the uniform is rather pricey!

Should I say that most of the clubs and activities are no extra cost, rather than free! 😂

I can’t see how you wouldn’t get a sizeable bursary on your kind of income. Definitely worth giving them a call to discuss it before making any decision.

Music is always more expensive in a prep than a state school. State music is subsidised. The private school might restructure fees. My DDs old prep has nearly everything included but their fees range from £4225 per term in pre prep to £6500 in main school. So you pay! Breakfast club is £5.50 a day for main school and £7.50 a day for pre prep. Deposit is £3000. I think your fees at £3000 a term including wrap around care are too cheap. Certainly for prep.

I wouldn't do this on your income or with your family set up. We wondered about doing it at your stage and didn't and it worked out just fine. We are now looking at it for Sixth form, but not sure it is necessary TBH. You just don't earn enough to do it without fear of it all falling apart and your child having to leave abruptly. They are at school a long time.

They both went to selective grammar schools, hardly typical state schools.

Nowadays many parents send kids to prep with a view for grammar at 11+.

I honestly wouldn’t bother. Save the money each year and put it in a trust fund. At best send her to a nice normal primary school and pay for extra tuition and clubs etc.
i know so many people who send their children to private school and all it does it separate them in life to the point they become out of touch. Of course those who grew up in the system never realise this as they don’t know any different.
min my experience most people are sending them to these schools as a status symbol and it rarely results in any high flying career.

I would save the money for secondary. What if you have more kids? If one of your remarries etc? It is a big commitment. We have sent our dc to state school and we are glad that we did that for primary, as secondary is way more expensive! Now our first will move on to secondary for year 7. She got into a selective academic one and my ds will hopefully follow suit (he is year 4).

Also, forgot to mention, on your salaries, I am not sure if it is worth it. You most likely will have more kids, and then what? Our household income was well above that (including grandparents able to help if we needed) and we still decided to wait. But, we had 2 dc at the time making the decisions and now a third.

We sent DD some years ago on a joint income of about 96k. We had no other dependent children and a fairly small mortgage by that time as we first bought in 1995! It was a struggle and we couldn't afford new cars, big house renovations, expensive holidays which many of her friends' families could afford. Fees, transport, extra curricular, uniform all add up. We were easily spending 2k a month on our DD

The private school my dc attend has families of an enormous range of incomes. People prioritise different things.

consider private later? From yr3 or yr7?

Bursaries are not often available until secondary level but there are some at prep, think dc might have to be seen to be particularly academic, sporty, musical etc until later years. One of my dc has two boys in the class with significant bursaries, both families on similar incomes to you.

@ComtesseDeSpair Great post.
How long are you doing this for?
OP does seem hell bent on doing it anyway. We earn more & no way we'd afford it... it's a 14 year increasing commitment - plus uni. So 17

To be fair it really can't be that enormous because it simply isn't possible for most people to afford private school. I'm a teacher at one so not particularly anti, it's just a fact. Our pupils (except a small minority of bursary pupils) are hugely privileged compared to the national average.

People often say they go without holidays etc but 2 kids at private is £30,000 a year plus extras and I don't know anyone that spends that on holidays!