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Original poster

Long commute for primary school, was it REALLY bad?

177 replies

namethattunein1 · 10/08/2022 20:41

For a variety of reasons our DC will be starting reception and commuting 45 mins each way (by public transport) one train ride about 30 mins, allowing 5 mins walk to local train station and 10 mins walk from school's local train station to the school gate.
We know its not ideal and it will be a strain as most of DC's new classmates at the school would live closer to the school than the 9 miles away, we are. Also of course it will be a strain , 90 minutes commuting at 4 years old every day, but weighing how brilliant the school appears to be, and our DC being a very high energy, very confident kid who should thrive at the school, the good seems to outweigh the bad on paper. A good education for our DC is very, very important for us. We've done a few dry runs and the train is a suburban line where we can get seats both in the morning and coming back and never too crowded.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

I should add if its soul destroying for our child, we will withdraw from the school. I should also add the school is a private primary school that feeds brilliant grammar and private schools. From our research our DC won't be the only child coming from a far distance, but certainly will be in the minority.

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godmum56 · 10/08/2022 20:47

Its going to be a long day for a littlie. are you worried he will be very tired?

Robostripes · 10/08/2022 20:49

Well my DS and I did a 45 minute each way commute to nursery - he went to nursery next to my work rather than close to home. It was fine - the journey (bus in our case rather than train) was a lovely opportunity to chat about his day (when he was older of course, not so much before he could speak!)

Always take a drink and snacks for the journey!

Findahouse21 · 10/08/2022 20:50

Is there an alternative if he is unwell? I think it's too much personally, both on a tiredness level and social impact. Could he still go to clubs/play dates? Will you struggle to fit in home learning plus meaningful down time? What if trains are cancelled

Jobsharenightmare · 10/08/2022 20:50

I hated it and moved after a year. I was so tired and couldn't take part in after school activities. It didn't really matter if others were in the same boat; didn't change how exhausting and limiting it was for me.

I also had a very long commute to secondary but this wasn't as bad because there was more to do being on a school bus with friends.

Beees · 10/08/2022 20:51

Poor kids going to be exhausted. I appreciate the school is good but as any adult with a commute will tell you a 45 minute commute is rarely ever 45 minutes.

Have you got a plan B for when there are train delays or strikes? I can't imagine the school being best pleased to have him missing so much school or being late frequently.

titchy · 10/08/2022 20:55

What will your journey be? Two hours twice a day? Shock

Comedycook · 10/08/2022 20:55

I had a few months of a long journey to primary school for my Ds. We had moved house and he still had to attend his old school while we waited for a space to come up at our local primary. It was a twenty five minute car journey in ordinary traffic but mornings were horrendous and it took me an hour to drive him there. Honestly, it was hellish. However the unpredictable traffic was definitely a contributory factor to my stress! I imagine it would be better without that

j712adrian · 10/08/2022 20:56

Not just that to take into account - how about seeing buddies out of school?

Could be isolating for junior.

Tee20x · 10/08/2022 20:58

Sounds awful tbh and will be a strain esp at such a young age. I would be rethinking this tbh - is it that you just prefer this school over others that are good too, or are the local schools totally shit? It would take a lot for me to even consider doing such a commute for the school run.

MarchingFrogs · 10/08/2022 20:58

So if it isn't working out, you will move your DC to another school (bearing in mind that there won't always be a mid-year place available at a school you want). If, on the other hand, it turns out to be as amazing as billed, would you consider moving to give your DC an easier journey (even just a walk, perhaps?) to school and relieve yourself of 4x 45 minute journeys a day?

NameChangeLifeChange · 10/08/2022 21:00

Would you be taking him presumably age 4? If it’s 3 hours travelling a day that will be awful. Is there no good school closer? I lived in the sticks as a child and felt horribly lonely and left out when friends met in the school hols and I was stuck in the countryside and couldn’t get to them.

HappyHappyHermit · 10/08/2022 21:00

I think it will be way too much for a young child, they won't get the most out of it if they are exhausted however good the school may be.

LIZS · 10/08/2022 21:00

We did 25 minutes drive and moved less than 5 away within 18 months. Is the person accompanying having to spend three hours travelling a day, any other dc in tow? Presumably this is a private school or the LA might provide transport. If so, is there a school bus option longer term ?

Pleasecouldihavesomeadvice · 10/08/2022 21:03

What about your journey?
4x 45 mins trips sounds hellish to me

De88 · 10/08/2022 21:07

Having chosen this school, you have how many days a week, how many weeks a year, plus x number of years doing this. Why on earth would you do that to yourselves?

Fluxcapacitator · 10/08/2022 21:08

Unless you are very lucky you will be called at least once in the first couple of years to pick him up because he is ill.
Being close really helps at these times.

maltesersarethedevil · 10/08/2022 21:09

Would it be possible to drive, surely that would cut the commute time down by a good chunk

clary · 10/08/2022 21:10

Agree with others, assuming you are going there and back x 2 each day, that's three hours a day for you. That's not sustainable IMHO however wonderful the school is. I don't think any primary would be worth that.

My commute is 35-45 mins and it's OK. But I'm an adult not a 4yo. And my job is not available anywhere nearer.

Commonhealthgames · 10/08/2022 21:12

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autienotnaughty · 10/08/2022 21:16

We live a 15m walk from school, but after an accident at our house we had to live with in-laws for 6 weeks. The commute was a 45min drive but at peak times took 60-90 min so I was spending 4-5 hours a day in the car getting ds to and from school. I was off work so I either had to go back to in-laws or could stay in home time and entertain myself for 5 hours. It was awful and I felt so tired and ill.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2022 21:17

I think it depends on part in your own situation. Do you work nearby to the school? Presumably if he's poorly at school you can afford a taxi back but what about when it's bad weather and the trains are out? Is driving there an option long term or moving house? Would you like more children (, thinking of that travel with a newborn etc)

Feetache · 10/08/2022 21:19

No primary is worth that awful commute. 'We value education' implies that people in your local area don't. You child will struggle to go see mates at short notice. Juniors will be misearable. They'll miss out on local community. You'll get endless reasons/requests to pop to school - which you can't at that distance and no car. Too far if there is an emergency. Every party invite - you'll need to do the journey again.
Huge no from me. I have one whose left primary and walks to local high.
Other walks to local primary and back alone and has done for a year. One year more to go. All their mates are within 10 min

DuchessofAnkh77 · 10/08/2022 21:21

Playdates and parties (in fact most socialising) will be a problem. We have (accidentally) managed to get our DS in a secondary school where all his friends are living the opposite side of a small city to us. We are 5 (easy) miles to the school, his mates are 5 (longer more difficult) miles the other side of the city....its a nightmare for seeing friends, at least 45 mins on public transport - and they never come to us as they would all have to travel quite a long way.

When I book parties I have to look for places away from where we live, and nearer where the majority of his friends live.

Thurlow · 10/08/2022 21:25

We recently moved so we’re about a 25 min walk from our infant school (we’re sucking it up for the two years as the junior school is much closer) and after just 6 months of it I’m already annoyed. It’s an hour round trip to drop off or collect DC, and I only do it twice a week (ASC at a different site the other days). There’s no one nearby to help on days when another DC or I am ill. Play dates are harder to arrange. We’re not as easily able to just meet people casually at the park. They might all sound like little things but they’re adding up. I really miss being on the doorstep of the school and DC’s friends.

Its worth thinking about.

Invisimamma · 10/08/2022 21:25

How reliable are the trains? I live on a popular commuter line and it's constant delays, strikes, cancellations, weather warnings and re-routes and that's without having to change. How do you deal with that?

Do you drive? What if he comes down with a vomiting bug whilst he'd at school, how would you get him home?

What about parents evenings and shows and sports etc? You won't be able to pop home for a quick change and bite to eat and back to school again.