Long commute for primary school, was it REALLY bad?

[namethattunein1]

For a variety of reasons our DC will be starting reception and commuting 45 mins each way (by public transport) one train ride about 30 mins, allowing 5 mins walk to local train station and 10 mins walk from school's local train station to the school gate.
We know its not ideal and it will be a strain as most of DC's new classmates at the school would live closer to the school than the 9 miles away, we are. Also of course it will be a strain , 90 minutes commuting at 4 years old every day, but weighing how brilliant the school appears to be, and our DC being a very high energy, very confident kid who should thrive at the school, the good seems to outweigh the bad on paper. A good education for our DC is very, very important for us. We've done a few dry runs and the train is a suburban line where we can get seats both in the morning and coming back and never too crowded.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

I should add if its soul destroying for our child, we will withdraw from the school. I should also add the school is a private primary school that feeds brilliant grammar and private schools. From our research our DC won't be the only child coming from a far distance, but certainly will be in the minority.

What wraparound care are you using?

What is wrong with going to a ‘Good’ school?

Having just read your update - have you looked at your local schools? You can't really tell that much from an Ofsted rating (my DC went to "Requires Improvement" schools and seem to have survived). Even without lots of support (and you do realise you'll be still providing lots of support even if you send your DC to private school).

Putting your child in wraparound care as well shifts it from " a really bad idea" to a "truly ridiculous and unworkable idea". Your child will basically get home and go to bed.

It's a bit easier op if you are then walking 5 mins further to work (say) but then what's the timescale for DS? 7.30 set off, drop off 8.15, you work 8.30-5, pick up 5.15, home by 6pm? Of course dc do this day if they are in wraparound care but the commute as well is making it an unusually long day for ds.

You say: all the schools in our catchment are 'Requires Improvement' or just 'Good'. which suggests that Ofsted rating is all you have considered. Apologies if that's wrong but if it is true, i would advise looking again at more local schools. I'm also hoping that 'top-rated' is clunky shorthand fir 'what we think will be the best school for our child, with a positive atmosphere, good facilities, a head with a great philosophy and excellent teachers.'

I would still aim for closer to home and spend the ££££ you save on enrichment activities.

You do know that an ofsted rating a school good does mean it is a good school? The way you have stated just good is quite dismissive of what this actually means.

'just good' shows you don't actually know much about the school system.

I'd seriously reconsider your plans. I've worked in schools from outstanding to special measures. The outstanding was the worst.

Go to a local "just good" school and save your child the hassle of commuting. That commute on top of after school club will be exhausting. Poor kid.

Why on earth didn't you think about tbis a year ago and apply for 'just' a good local school. If your kids going to be in breakfast and after school club he's going to way too tired to actually learn. What a waste. (And school play dates are pretty much after school, rare for weekends to include play dates, though there will be parties at the weekend.) And they do tend to be off sick a lot when they start btw...

Seriously, your plan wasn't great for him doing 9-3. Add on wrap around care and it's mad.

Whats wrong with the 'standard' local state till 8, then private?

What experience do you have of the state school system?
Why are you so hung up on ofsted grades? You need to visit the schools local to you to get a feel for them and make up your own mind. A 45 minute commute is insanity. At this age well being and socialisation should be a priority. Play dates, after school clubs, walking home and stopping off to play in the park with classmates etc. I'm sorry but I don't think this is the best thing for any child no matter how good the school is on paper.

Also, what are you going to do if the school gets down graded to just good, that can happen. An outstanding grade is not guaranteed on the next assessment.

It so isn't worth it.

If it means that much to you move closer.

Don't do it OP.

We all value education, even those of us who choose the 'local school'. Parental support, reading at home, encouraging curiosity and interest, getting involved in the local community, meeting friends after school for playdates and park visits. That's what makes a happy and engaged child - school is just one part of that. You will run yourselves ragged, and your child will be utterly exhausted.

I think you are putting your own biases ahead of your child's welfare tbh.

I'm really surprised you got a place at such an amazing school so far away from where you live? You must be a high priority for places or the school is undersubscribed

Requires improvement or just good as a reason to do this? I take it this is your precious first born and you have money to throw away! I am being rude, and I don't apologise. You know nothing at all about schools, or education. You are not putting your child first at all.

Also, many many kids are confident, bright and high energy, and will thrive at any school. They don't need a 'special' one.

My experience of many 'outstanding' schools are that they can be quite complacent (especially as not inspected nearly as often - have heard of local outstanding schools that when they were finally reinspected were Requires Improvement.')

The best performing and most in-demand school locally was Requires Improvement eight years ago; the school seized on it to totally shake things up and it does incredibly well. It's rated 'Good', but despite being 'just Good' sees plenty of kids go off to superselective grammars, selective private schools, etc.

I thought your scheme was quite doable until I
saw that you both work and would be using wraparound care; having experience of that with both my kids (high-energy, resilient, quite brainy) I think that sort of commute would have been a disaster for them, it was hard enough to fit in reading, home learning, downtime etc even with a 10-minute dash home from after school club.

It's a private school.

Seems strange you ask this a month before he will start?

You are actually doing hun more harm here potentially. Travel time for a child so young will take its toll. You'll probably find he falls asleep on the journey home/ is too tired.

You'd be better off having him at school a longer day (before/ afterschool clubs) nearer to your home than making him travel so far. At least in afterschool club he can play/ relax which is better than waiting around for trains/ sitting in a car/ taxi whatever.

Like others have said, outstanding isn't always what it should be.
I chose an outstanding nursery for dc and omg it was terrible when you saw begging d the scenes so to speak. Massive staff turnover, never on ratio and loads more issues impacting on children but it was somehow at the time of the inspection, outstanding. Next inspection there didn't even get a good which says a lot.

If you asked this question genuinely then read through the reply's again without being defensive.

OP not sure why you asked.
Your reply is that all the experienced people are wrong. PFB too special to mix with normal kids?
Tbh I think it's a bit cruel for you to do it to your child when you've got perfectly good schools on your door step. (Rural parents may not have a choice)
Your lack of understanding is obvious when you say you think if will be like pre school.
It's nothing like it.
Good schools are great in reality as indeed are a lot of Ri ones.

I too think that full day plus wrap round then long commute is hideous for a five your old who will be beyond exhausted

Yes, exactly that. DD started in a primary rated outstanding, then with a change of head and a moderate amount of staff movement, it went to 'requires improvement' within a year. Still was happy and had a good standard of education - not all perfect but not at all going downhill or disastrous.

The commute should have been a 20 minute one, by bus - often more like 40 due to delays and transport problems, and if not 40 then we were often there very early because of the time needed to budget for the days when it would take so long. It gets relentless, and expensive in fares too. The DC will hardly see you and you will be cramming spellings, looking over your inbox for work etc on the journey because time at home is likely to be quite regimented. Commuting time is not like quality time really.

@namethattunein1 : we were advised by an ex headmistress of one of London top private primaries to choose a primary closer to home.
We do not want to send DC to religious school. The only nonreligious state school is next to the large council estate. I have seen some pretty rough parents there.
One of the private primaries I like is 2 train stops from home, with change inbetween, 5 minutes walk both from home and to school from stations. It will be 30 minutes door to door. Even then we were recommended to drop this school. But there is also an option to get a cargo bike and cycle to the school through a park. Then the commute will be 20 minutes door to door. The headteacher of this school said they have a lot of children commuting by train.

I do not know where you are based and where is the school but maybe driving or cycling will be quicker.
As long as a private primary prepares for 11+ I will consider it if it is closer to home. It does not have to be the top of the top. In the end of the day 50% of children going to top secondary schools come from state schools. Moreover Oxbridge gives more places to state educated children.
I understand it is too late for you to change the school if DC starts in September 2022.

My DC will start in 2023 so we are still at early stages of selecting school.
We rules out two private schools but I still consider the one that is two train stops from home.

Since it is too late for OP to change school now I would start it and then see how OP and her DC manage.

@Lily7050 a lot of church schools really aren't that religious. It's a legacy thing. Go visit before you rule them out. Most in London have loads of all faith & non

Wraparound care on top of all this is madness. Your child is so young and really is not going to thrive in these circumstances. There is no way , he will achieve his potential with this length of day. I'm sorry but I actually think this is verging on cruel, at best it is entirely misguided.

Re: playdates - ime, once in primary school, weekends fill up with swimming lessons and sports matches etc and play fares move to after school, going to someone's house for tea.