Long commute for primary school, was it REALLY bad?

[namethattunein1]

For a variety of reasons our DC will be starting reception and commuting 45 mins each way (by public transport) one train ride about 30 mins, allowing 5 mins walk to local train station and 10 mins walk from school's local train station to the school gate.
We know its not ideal and it will be a strain as most of DC's new classmates at the school would live closer to the school than the 9 miles away, we are. Also of course it will be a strain , 90 minutes commuting at 4 years old every day, but weighing how brilliant the school appears to be, and our DC being a very high energy, very confident kid who should thrive at the school, the good seems to outweigh the bad on paper. A good education for our DC is very, very important for us. We've done a few dry runs and the train is a suburban line where we can get seats both in the morning and coming back and never too crowded.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

I should add if its soul destroying for our child, we will withdraw from the school. I should also add the school is a private primary school that feeds brilliant grammar and private schools. From our research our DC won't be the only child coming from a far distance, but certainly will be in the minority.

Nah, you can't add wraparound care into this mix! Honestly get your child into a local school and employ a nanny to look after them before and after.

As you’ve mentioned wraparound care, I’m assuming your child will be at school 8 - 5 as a minimum. With the journey times involved, that’ll mean leaving home by 7am and returning at 6. Your child will need to get up around 6.30 am, return home and eat dinner then straight to bed for 7pm. At least 1 of their parents will hardly see them in the week!
I’m also assuming he’s currently in Nursery - but there he can have a nap if he’s tired. He can’t at school.
Your dp seems more concerned about the Ofsted rating of the school than the impact this journey will have on his child both physically and mentally. Poor kid.

Yes, it was that bad. I’m a seasoned commuter and nothing was as sweet as the end of primary school and the final hideous 40 minute school run.

So many things wrong with living far from school, from play dates to forgotten kit, walking home in Y5/6, meeting up with friends at the local park without it being a massive exercise etc.

My children were socially poorer because of it and I had to work double to try to help.

OP

This is a terrible idea.

When children start primary they are tired, it's a long day for them.

It's all very well saying if he is sick you would get a cab but what about if you are halfway there and he pukes?

What about when it's snowing? Train strikes? Train cancellations.

Even with none of that a 5 year old getting onto a train is like you getting yourself on to a table with only one stop, it's difficult.

He is going to be too tired to do any home work.

As it's a private school do they have entry at 7?

Have you actually visited the local schools?

If its a private school, do they offer transport options? The majority of the local private schools around us offer bus services (minibus or coach depending on numbers) as a paid for extra. This would be my preference over trains.

Have you actually visited the local schools?

I wondered this too, it certainly doesn't sound like it from the OPs most recent update.

It genuinely sounds like you've unilaterally decided this school is the best based on no research despite some very significant downsides including the ludicrous commute.

As others have said the poor kid will be too tired to make the most of all the things this so called amazing school can provide.

How would you feel if this commute meant he faired less well academically and socially than if you'd put him in the local requires improvement school because it's very possible that's what will happen.

Dh had a long commute to his school when we bought our house one of our main criteria was that primary and secondary both walkable he hated it so much.

If your child in bright and confident they will thrive at a local school, use their energy on extra curricular activities, then when they go to secondary school they will be rounded, have local friends and enthusiasm for independence on a longer school run. I know you want the best for your kid, but you have to look holistically, and this isn't it.

That sounds awful for both of you but particularly dc especially with wrap around care, it would be such a long day with after school and the commute, exhausting. No school can be worth doing that for.

Just "good" is good enough, OP. When was the last OFSTED inspection? Our local school is "outstanding" but was last visited 13 years ago. My DC will be going to the just "good" school, a 10 min walk away.

Also don’t ever say “education is important to us” in real life because every parent in the vicinity will immediately consider that you are knobs. It’s very insulting- like no one else does 🙄

Sadly, I am suspecting that the OP is talking about her child starting Reception in a few weeks time and doesn't now have an alternative school option anyway.
She wanted people to tell her it wouldn't be too bad (the only people she's mentioned in her update) as I suspect she's trying to justify it to herself.

As others have said, it's the combination of wrap around care + the commute that makes it so hard -the two together will just make for a very tired child. Do you and your DH have any options to work flexibly? The best option would seem to be for one of you to start work early and do pick up while the other drops off and works later so that you can minimise/eliminate wrap around care.

My DN is 6 and has a one hour commute to primary (because DSIL works there). She's been doing it since she was a baby because her nursery was next door so it's normal to her. She leaves at 7am and gets home at around 6pm. Two days a week she's doing either gymnastics or ballet in between finishing school and leaving . The other 3 days she's in an after school club doing homework and playing. All her playing is done before she goes home and then it's home, dinner, bath and a bit of time to wind down with her parents. It might take your DS a bit of time to get used to the new routine but it's not a guaranteed disaster.

Sounds like you and DH are more concerned about trying to be better than everyone else than what’s best for your DD.

OFSTED ratings are pretty useless and I wouldn’t go by that.

Let the poor girl go to her local primary school where she can have friends, join in with the out of school events and have an actual life.

If your circumstances change and you can afford to move closer then you can think about changing schools.

Then save up and let her go to a private secondary school if that’s what she wants.

I think you will regret this. School is tiring. It will be even worse in winter when weather is bad. Your child will be better off in local school.

It’s not 45 minutes though is it? It’s planning around train schedules as well and waiting for the trains.
This would be my last choice if all other options were not possible.
What about yourself? You’re signing up to spending 3-4 hours traveling every day. Will you not want to work in the future?

It will be awful for both of you, don’t do it
It would be bad enough by car, it’s not unusual for the R kids to fall asleep on the way home for the first term or so, but public transport will be a nightmare
What about sickness or events? You will have to do that journey every time

If the school drop off is on your way to work, what happens if you change job or location, get unwell, have take time off(ie.lockdown?), engineering works. Even the travel could be logistically tricky and increasingly expensive. How much buffer time is there on the return to collect him on time? Unless wraparound care is included in fees would that £ be better put towards a property more local to the school,also reducing your commute time and cost, or a nanny to help you use local state school. Maybe give it a term and review.

I think it’s doable but not ideal. I do know people who have long commutes to primary school for different reasons (usually moving house and not wanting to move the child) and they seem to manage.

It sounds like you have a plan in place to make it fit around your work. And it’s only for part of the year, the holidays take up a large proportion of the year (even more so at private school).

If you’re at a private school I think some of the factors like local play dates etc aren’t such a big deal anyway because children are coming from a wide area. And I never really understand the “what if you forget child’s PE kit/packed lunch/science project” reasons as this has literally never happened to us and I don’t think I’m unusually organised!

Having said that, I do think this is a long commute at primary age and it would be better if he could be closer to home. I’d definitely keep that option on the table. Maybe have a look at some of the “good” primary schools nearby and consider going on the waitlist, then if the journey really isn’t working out you could move him.

But in a car? Being rural school bus and long journeys are part of life but there is a massive difference between door to door in a car/school bus and using public transport AND walking for 15 minutes in the cold/wet/heat with an exhausted child.
It is quite normal for the younger children to fall asleep on the school bus, if there is a delay they are warm in a vehicle not waiting for a train in the cold.

I agree. The long commute and wrap around care is ridiculous, the poor child is going to be exhausted. And all because the local school is "just good". 😥

I wouldn't do it. We moved when DD was in nursery and went from a 20 minute walk to a 60 minute walk (more like 90 minutes at her pace) and it was hell, even when we switched to bikes which cut the time in half. DS's nursery is about the same distance away and if I had to do the drop off and pick up every day he wouldn't be going (OH does it usually with the car on his way to college and back), just started back today and I'm doing drop off and pick up today and tomorrow and its not fun.

Please don’t do this. I had a long commute to secondary school, when I was older and more resilient. The exhaustion really affected my grades and mental health, so I moved to a local state school that was ‘Good’ and thrived. It was a massive relief to move.

I understand travelling to get to a decent school. I too opted for a non local primary school as it was in SM at the time and I knew people who had pulled their kids as a result of some quite big issues.

The school was only 4 miles away though so the journey not so long and I didnt need the wrap around.

It was just about doable without a massive impact. Even when we had to get the buses. It was mainly me who was affected by that as I had to do the journies twice they only to do it once.

What you are proposing though really pushes the limits. With wrap around care added on the poor kid is gonna be hanging .

If you are lucky enough to have a good local school nearby then use it. You have no idea how lucky you are to have that.

7 years is a long time to sign up for this. I just completed my last school run and I'm so relieved. It takes up more time.than.you think and if there are traffic/train issues ,you dont have the buffer zone you would if you didn't have to use wrap around. That's what would.kill it as an option for me tbh. The wrap around. It just extends the day too much on top.

We did this, and it wasn't as bad as people are claiming here.

Caveat: we are in a different country, where school started at age six.

School started at eight and finished at four, some kids there had after-school care up until as late as six because parents were working. For us, it meant out of the house by seven, home earliest by five, but often later as kids would often play together a bit after school (playground near the school). Kids did do various activities, which usually started at 4.30 or 5.00.

Pros: - we spent a lot of time interacting with one another on the commute. He read to me, I read to him, we chatted or played silly word games, practised vocab or maths. I think it brought us very close together, and we certainly had more time interacting than parents who drove their kids to school.

• you see a lot of billboards, advertising, people acting in unusual ways and so on when you spend so much time on the train. This really opened the doors to conversations about how the world works, the aim of advertising, etc.
• you had to be organized. None of this "but what if I need to drop off a water bottle" or whatever type business. School bag was packed the night before, in the morning the only thing that had to be put in was food and water bottle.
• you did get friendship groups forming with kids living more locally. On the rare instances where something was held at school in the evening you often had a gaggle of kids staying at one home nearby until the time.

Cons: everything has probably been mentionedby posters above:-) but anyway...

• your commute will need longer. Trains will be delayed or not running at all because of strikes, maintenance or completely unforeseen circumstances. We were usually at school early and used the time to read together. Sometimes other kids would also be as early and kids would play together.

• bad weather makes things much more difficult. The footpath may be covered with ice, it may be pouring cats and dogs...