Long commute for primary school, was it REALLY bad?

[namethattunein1]

For a variety of reasons our DC will be starting reception and commuting 45 mins each way (by public transport) one train ride about 30 mins, allowing 5 mins walk to local train station and 10 mins walk from school's local train station to the school gate.
We know its not ideal and it will be a strain as most of DC's new classmates at the school would live closer to the school than the 9 miles away, we are. Also of course it will be a strain , 90 minutes commuting at 4 years old every day, but weighing how brilliant the school appears to be, and our DC being a very high energy, very confident kid who should thrive at the school, the good seems to outweigh the bad on paper. A good education for our DC is very, very important for us. We've done a few dry runs and the train is a suburban line where we can get seats both in the morning and coming back and never too crowded.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

I should add if its soul destroying for our child, we will withdraw from the school. I should also add the school is a private primary school that feeds brilliant grammar and private schools. From our research our DC won't be the only child coming from a far distance, but certainly will be in the minority.

Forgot another con:

• if you need to make dentists appointments, doctors appointments, etc. this can end up really tricky. Due to being born with low muscle tone, my son ended up needing weekly physiotherapy and speech therapy. Getting appointments was pretty hard.

IF every other closer school was awful I can see why you might do it but a Good Primary is fine.
We sent our DC to a local Good State Primary in Preference to an Excellent State Primary and a Good Private Primary followed by Private Secondary
I really feel for your son, you are not putting his best interests first here

I agree with this.

Your child(ren) will be exhausted - especially factoring in they will be attending wraparound care. I think it is too much

Madness

Thanks Christ, practical advice and answering my original question, one of the handful that actually read my OP, saw they were qualified to answer and responded accordingly (shock, horror!)😀

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

This was not code for - If you would never contemplate sending your child to school outside your local area, and have no experience of doing this, please tell me why anyone who does is a mad, evil bastard.

🙄

Thanks for the constructive feedback from some posters, especially those that actually read the original question and answered accordingly.

In other words, I’m only going to listen to anyone who affirms my choice.

In other words, I’m only going to listen to anyone who affirms my choice.

Indeed. That posters experience wasn't even comparable as their child was significantly older upon starting school.

It's odd the OP has ignored all the posters who have said they did similar commutes themselves or with their children and it was crap.

I sincerely hope that the OPs child is fine but if they do indeed struggle I really hope depute her diclike of them the OP considers one of those just good schools and puts their child's needs first.

I think your refusal to think about private schools closer to you is silly. Even if it’s not the “top rated” one, if you can afford private school you’ll still get all the benefits (class sizes, facilities, school trips etc)

I had a 45 mins commute throughout my schooling as did my daughter. We both used our respective schools' school bus though, so socialised on the bus too. Lots of my/her friends had similar commutes. They are not that unusual in London. It will be fine OP. Just don't arrange swimming lessons or anything too tiring on Friday afternoon as they may be a tad cranky...

It’s going to be incredibly easy and absolutely worth it.
Your child will not be permanently exhausted and suffer socially.
You really are doing the right thing

Better OP?

Our priority was to be local. Primary school across the road. I went to the local school myself which was very much part of the village community. My primary school with hindsight was quite rubbish but still a significant number of the cohort ended up at Oxbridge so I’m not convinced about the “value added” of particular primaries - seems to be bragging rights for parents mostly.

It depends on the child! My eldest would have been fine with it when he started school. He'd been going to nursery from 8-6 for 4 days a week since 3 years old.

My youngest would have been tired. As only did nursery 3 days a week 9-3. Though, I'm sure after the first half term he would have got used it.

Can you move house? Sounds horrendous

My goodness. Rarely have I read a plan as crazy as this. I wish you would listen to the experienced school parents who are telling you this is going to be hideous for you and your child. Please reconsider using your local ‘good’ primary.

Sorry I have not read all the responses. In secondary I commuted a long way to school. I was not tired by this but was obviously older. It is common for children to walk over 30 mins to school so not wildly different to what you are planning. It was a great school and i was happy at the school. However the big thing I felt I missed out on was socially. It was really hard for me to meet up with friends after school and the weekend due to the distance and felt like I really missed out a lot. As a consequence we live close to both my children's primary/secondary schools. Their friends all live close to us and they can easily meet up. This was really important to me and something I prioritised when picking areas to live in as I found it so hard when I was in the situation. Just 30mins is further than you think when living the reality. Difficult decision

@namethattunein1 Clearly you've already decided you are going ahead with this, quite frankly ridiculous, plan so why ask the question? I had a 50 minute commute in secondary and hated it, imagining doing that at 4 seems horrendous. I also now work in education and have seen how tiring school is for those just starting, he will get nothing out of the amazing school as he will be too exhausted. Most here can see that except you. Don't worry though, you can still tell all your friends that you care about education and are sending your child to a fancy school. Sorry if that sounds harsh but what you are doing to your child seems horrible.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

Well, it seems pretty conclusive that people who have done similar are saying that it was rough…

All people are trying to say is that primary and ASC together are hugely tiring, adding a long public transport commute on top of that for a Reception child is likely to be absolutely exhausting for him. And that it’s worth weighing up the pros and cons of what he gains from that school versus what he loses from not being local.

Even though many people haven't done the long commute they all have knowing what it's like to have primary school kids in common.

I think the issues will be added clubs, most of the other kids will be doing swimming, gymnastics, instruments, tennis etc. How will these fit in? The private school kids I know do so much extra stuff and if you wanted all that for her you'd struggle to keep up.

I had a 45 min commute across London for primary school. Walk,2 tubes, walk. It was rubbish. I used to fall asleep on the tube home, and hated the 10 min walk home.

Different house, school and similar journey when I was 16-18, was fine, but I was much older and more self sufficient.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

Since you discounted my previous post (that did actually answer your question) I'll add more details.

From age 9 (so 5 years older than your DC) I had a 15 minute walk to the bus stop then a 35 minute bus journey (up to 30 minutes wait for bus on bad days; usually it was 5-10 minutes). Then a 5 minute walk the other end. Normally worse on the way back as the bus times didn't match with school finish times. It was hellish and I still have not forgiven my parents for making me do it in their pursuit of a "wonderful" school. I was too tired to appreciate the wonderful school and I never got to see anyone out of school as they all lived too far away. Equally I couldn't ever do out of school activities as the day was too long already.

I know that's not the answer you want, but that was my experience. You should also bear in mind that people who are responding from the point of view of the parent may be biased. If you spoke to my parents, they would indeed tell you that the journey was worth it for the wonderful school and that I used the time to socialise with friends (true, but they were only friends from the perspective that we spent time on the same bus every day).

We had a 50 minute commute by car for our DDs nursery as she went to the one at my work. For what it's worth, mornings were a nightmare. She always protested against getting dressed, hair brushed, in the car, etc. Getting her home was also difficult as it was hard to keep her awake after busy days. Going to a nursery far away also meant few opportunities to make friends in our local area so she has no one to play with nearby on our days off.

Yesterday was her last day at that nursery for these reasons. She starts her preschool year at a nursery 5 minutes closer to home next week.

So as much as it is doable, I personally would reconsider. It's so hard to make these decisions, you have my sympathy!

OP you are extraordinarily rude.

Absolutely not.

Every weekend, every play date, every friend, every party will all be near the school.

I'd move house before I'd do such a thing to a small child. I'd go for a childminder locally if your "Good" school doesn't have wraparound care.

My experience-DD-from yr8- had a bus trip about that long (school coach) and she was shattered. It was a very,very good school-worth the sacrifice we thought.

School is so much more than school. It is being part of a wider school community.

She was ill all the time so after two years we moved her to a "Good" local school she could walk to and it was the best thing we ever did. I'd go for a childminder locally if your "Good" school doesn't have wraparound care.

Go into your choice with your eyes open @namethattunein1 it is not for the faint hearted and tbh I'm not even convinced it is the best thing for your DC.

The school also sounds a bit of a con if it needs to recruit children from so far away but doesn't have school transport. All the good independents in our city are either small with very local small catchments or big with high schools attached and fleets of buses.