Long commute for primary school, was it REALLY bad?

[namethattunein1]

For a variety of reasons our DC will be starting reception and commuting 45 mins each way (by public transport) one train ride about 30 mins, allowing 5 mins walk to local train station and 10 mins walk from school's local train station to the school gate.
We know its not ideal and it will be a strain as most of DC's new classmates at the school would live closer to the school than the 9 miles away, we are. Also of course it will be a strain , 90 minutes commuting at 4 years old every day, but weighing how brilliant the school appears to be, and our DC being a very high energy, very confident kid who should thrive at the school, the good seems to outweigh the bad on paper. A good education for our DC is very, very important for us. We've done a few dry runs and the train is a suburban line where we can get seats both in the morning and coming back and never too crowded.

For those that did a long commute for primary, was it as hellish as it seems?

I should add if its soul destroying for our child, we will withdraw from the school. I should also add the school is a private primary school that feeds brilliant grammar and private schools. From our research our DC won't be the only child coming from a far distance, but certainly will be in the minority.

I have two primary kids and think it's too far. We also value having local friends, having the benefit of being able to pop back with forgotten water bottles and stuff and if there's a concert, meeting or a poorly child not being miles away.

I can't see a benefit unless there's really, really compelling reasons we don't know about

Socially limiting. A real pain for all involved.

I live a 10 minute walk from the DCs school. ExH lives an hour/50 mins away (by choice, to live in his preferred location). DS tolerates the commute well - he reads. DD, who cannot read while travelling, hates it. We have 50/50 care. She hates it so much she has been begging to stay with her dad less; he has had to put in huge amounts of effort to maintain their relationship, in great part (genuinely, explored with professionals) because she resents him due to all the time getting from his to school, and hates the early start. It's different for my DC, because the alternative is known to them (ExH used to live 10 mins in the opposite direction), but how shit the commute is for DD, is blindingly obvious.

I'd make sure you are very open to swapping school if necessary.

Too far.
We did it after moving house, so friendships were already established but it was a hellish 3 years (years 4, 5 and 6)

I think that any benefit of the wonderful school will be negated by the travelling time, the delays and the lack fact that play dates will be much harder to arrange.

And whilst it may not be as bad doing short Reception hours, 9-3 ish, when you start to add in longer hours, early winter evenings, after school activities, sport, concerts, parent evenings, parties etc it soon becomes a pita.

Being rural I normally support longer commutes but this is crazy.

Door to door would be possible at a stretch but expecting him to walk 15 mins on top of the train journey and whole day at school is, in my opinion, too much.

Also what about events at school, parties, being delayed leaving school etc.

We live a 7 minute walk from the kids primary school which I'm so grateful for. Apart from the regular drop offs and pick ups you also need to factor in collecting them early when they're sick, sports day, Christmas plays, morning assemblies..... The list is endless! Some of them are only 10 minutes long so I can imagine doing a 1.5 hour round trip for 10 minutes would be pretty annoying.

No school is so good it compensates for such a long journey.

Prioritising education is fine so long as you don't compromise happiness.

Choose a nearer school and get private tutoring for 11+ or whatever - no doubt that’s what the other parents at that school do anyway. Think of it pouring with rain in the middle of winter, trains delayed… think getting a call from the school that your DC has a temperature and you have to drag him all the way home on that long journey… it’s too much.

Thats awful. Are you going to do that journey 4 times a day for many many years? Do you work?

what is it going to cost you to travel?

I would look for a house nearer the school if you are set in the school.

I don't think that any school would be good enough to warrant that journey at 5 years old. Plus what about after school clubs and play dates? Or times when you have to go back a third time for evening meetings, parents evening etc?

If you've got a half decent primary in your area, I would go with that, personally. Let them build roots in their community, meet local friends.

7 years is a long time to sustain this.

How reliable is your Trainline?

Play dates will have to be at weekends and they'll need to drop off and collect.

After school clubs/sports will probably require early rush hour travel.

Of course it's doable but it won't be fun for either of you.

Is there any chance at all of a lift share?

We had a 40 minute drive to school for 3 months whilst waiting for our house sale to complete. Luckily DH could do the morning drop off on his way to work and I did the pick up as it wouldn’t have been manageable otherwise. If I had to pick a sick child up, one of them was invited to a play date, or there was a sports match against a local school then I was driving all over the place. It would have been even worse on public transport!

I made sure for secondary my children could walk to school and into the nearest town - no more chauffeuring for me!

We do an approx. 45 min journey to school each way, on 2 buses though rather than the train. Whilst I understand how lovely it must be to be within walking distance of a school, we have never known anything different and it is a normal part of our day. Yes, that means 3 hours travelling for me on the days that I take them but again, it's our normal and it won't be forever. The school is excellent, they have lovely friends and attend parties and playdates no problem. My eldest is about to enter year 6 so, yes, it is manageable for the length of their primary school career. We still manage downtime, homework, reading etc. and they're fulfilling their potential so would say the commute has had no impact really.

It's also worth considering when you're planning on fitting in extracurricular activities. I know when they're young they don't do much but many private school kids do loads, music, swimming, tennis etc etc and it all adds up.

What time will they be home? Many primary clubs are 5pm or earlier. Could they be managed? Or would that be near the school with a rush hour commute home?

I’m rural and lots of kids travel 45minutes to an hour or more to school. It’s just part of the routine. Trains quite nice as you can do daily reading/ chat about how the day has gone. Bit tricky for you though do you work or plan to in the foreseeable?

Sounds absolutely horrific.

We moved a 25 minute drive away but didn't move dcs school as they were in Year 6 and we thought we'd just suck it up for a year.

God I hated that bloody school by the time we left. A small bit of traffic and it was an hour + round trip, twice a day. It impacted everything...work, after school activities, massive PITA if they were ill or we had to 'pop in' for xyz. Bleughh.

That was just a year and I'd never do it again, much less 7 years!

This is mad. Absolutely mad. Do not choose this. If difficult circumstances dictate it happened that’s one thing, but do not opt for it. Your son will be exhausted, it will be horrible in winter. Your spirited child will be absolutely fine at another closer, good school.

No way would I do that. Your DS will be shattered, you will limit the after school activities such as after school clubs, going to friends houses, your DS having fiends over etc… both my children would often play with friends at the end of a school day either at ours or at their house, it is a big part of school life.

Thanks for everyone's replies, lots of food for thought.

I was reaching for the bottle, so thanks @RosieSpark and @Robostripes for providing a glimmer of hope.

We both work, (my partner and I) so the idea is drop off DC on the morning commute to work, pick up on the way home, school has wraparound care, clubs, etc.

Train delays are a worry, long day for DC is a worry.

We drove to the school in rush hour as a test run and it took a good hour, with morning rush hour traffic, less so in the late afternoon.
So getting DC to school by car is a possibility, not something I'd like to do, especially for the environment, although in theory could park up near school, drop off DC, go to work.

God forbid but DC sick at school, would cab it home, same as delay or train strike, again anal as we are, we checked prices and as one off it's not too painful, every day less so!

We'd be less worried about playdates and parties as I'm hoping they'd be like pre-school and mostly at weekends, and at the weekends it's about half hour drive to school from our house, so anything local to the school won't be too painful by car. I know we'd probably be the pariah's for people coming to ours.

As much as Im grateful for parents opinion's we do know its a shit idea, we know it's far from ideal, but particular set of circumstances means literally move into a shoebox to live locally (its mega expensive to live anywhere close to the school) , or give up on the school and go local state, where all the schools in our catchment are 'Requires Improvement' or just 'Good'. True with lots of support, a child can even thrive in a primary school that 'Requires Improvement'.

We wouldn't opt for private schools a little closer ( there are some) as they seem just OK and my partner isn't prepared to pay for anywhere but the 'top rated' or bust, I agree.

We moved 7 miles away when DC was in year 3, but we were commuting by car and I passed the school on my way to work, so was happy to continue doing it.

I wouldn't want my child doing that on public transport - also, if you are sick, it's a right pain.

That's actually more than a 45 minute commute unless you can guarantee the train is always on time and you time your walk just right.

I did a similar commute (with a bus rather than a train) when I was 9. I hated it; I was exhausted, and no, the school was not worth it. Part of going to school is being part of the life of the school's community. Your DC won't be able to do that - they will get up, go to school, come home and pretty much fall asleep. Rinse and repeat.

We moved one of our DC from an Outstanding to a Good and it was the best thing we did. Don't rule out a Good. Happiness in primary school is worth more than anything. Ofsted don't measure that very well.

Plus a long commute on top of wraparound is a lot of ask of a 4 year old.