My son is going to private school and I feel weird when people ask me where he's going

[Bluueberrryy]

Son is starting school this September. When I chat to other mums in the parks or softplay etc we end up chatting about them starting school soon and inevitably someone asks 'whereabouts is he going?'

I always feel awkward like I'd be bragging, but then weird if I lied.

I'm from a lower middle class background and went to a state comprehensive where success and doing well was something to take the piss out of. Perhaps that's made me weird about this.

Anyone else?

OP, I really don’t think it’s a case of someone (you, me, another poster, your friend, whoever) having a chip on their shoulder.

We live in a free country and everyone will make choices that (some) other people will disagree with. That’s life. All anyone can do is make the choices - in good conscience - that they think are the best ones. I could be wrong but the fact you’ve started this thread suggests to me that you have some misgivings about your choice.

So. Much. Scrolling!

I don’t remember the previous version of MN being so time consuming to use - and I’m sure I miss relevant posts because I cba to scroll up and down.

Yeah, not helped the the site crashing constantly when I try to scroll.

In primary I think the biggest benefit of private schools is that your children's education is a bit further away from constant government interference.

OP, I get what you mean - but you should try admitting to people that your children are at boarding schools!! [there's obviously a back story to this, one from age 10 the other from 13, and we have paid similar or less for boarding than we would have done for day due to the differing extents of school bursary pots]

I can't read this thread due to all the bloody quotations within quotations, but there is a lot of crap on MN when it comes to independent schools and those who use them, so I dare say it's the same old stuff.

Tell people that he’s in a secure psychiatric hospital and see how quickly they change the subject.

I absolutely loathe the inequality that private schools bring. So yes I'd judge you as someone who thinks my DC schools aren't good enough for you. I'd distance myself. I can't stand the fact that private school parents l

All the private school parents I know can't help commenting his great the sports facilities, small classes, loads of trips are. But they live in a private school bubble too

I presume your quoting me here @TizerorFizz

Yes everything I've said is true, I know this A because we looked at the school for our children and B my nephew goes there, so I know a lot of the complaints from my sister.
They don't have the staff or the funding to change things. They offer NO music lessons. They only do 30 minutes of PE on a Tuesday afternoon. And the very small play equipment they did have was broken a long time ago and never replaced.

So before you start calling people liars, maybe you should remove yourself from your own bubble and realise that not every state school is on par with each other.

It is not a big deal, honestly, just say the name of the school as anybody else would do, if they ask where it us just tell them the name of the neighbourhood and leave it at that.

However, I'm willing to bet that the negative reactions that you're experiencing in real life are the result of your own perception of having made superior choices being detected by the people that you're talking to. You're not exactly subtle about it.

How I come across on an anonymous text forum is nothing like how I come across in real life. Obviously

So which ones the real you? Because it will show through no matter how you try and hide it.

This!

Your reaction to this post says everything @Bluueberrryy. Rude and dismissive.

People can have lots of objections to privately funded education, who are you to decide their reasons are spurious?

@purpleboy
As I said. Some people never visit schools themselves or hear about their plans. Every bit of play equipment is broken? I simply don’t believe it. What does their Ofsted report say? Everything you say does not match to the requirements of the national curriculum. Additionally one school isn’t every state school. So yes, I think hearsay is not the truth. I also think that parents need to get organised and pay for equipment! I have been a governor at very deprived schools with much lower funding than most LAs give schools and we had everything required for DC. I, in my job, visited countless others. They all had what you said one school doesn’t. Therefore I would have asked what the improvement plan was!

Well, one would hope that you don't come across in real life as you have come across on this thread, but your underlying beliefs and values are probably showing through more than you think.

If people are reacting negatively to you, it will be because they're getting the same smug vibes that you have given out on this thread.

some families can't afford fresh fruit and veg for their children so I assume you deprive yours as well on principle? same goes for quality of clothes, number of extra curricular activities? what about number of hugs?! I get that culturally private education brings to mind a certain type of person but a parent denying their child any advantage on the basis that other children can't access it is insane. do you also judge people who pay for their knee op privately? if anything it takes a little pressure of the system. as a parent all you can do is give your child the best care and options you are able and actively campaign (and more importantly vote) for real change in the state system, so that one day all children will get the same. If the government properly funded state education the number of kids in private would rapidly shrink.

Honestly? I think that there are people who get incredibly uncomfortable with anyone making a different decision to the one they made. This might be about state vs. Private school but it can also be choosing to live in a given area.

I had your situation. Most people couldn’t give a shit. One person (who I don’t know well) frowned and said “Why’s that? Didn’t you get in anywhere good?” (Meaning the state schools round here). But I couldn’t care less.

Once you’re actually in the school, it’ll just be the school your child goes to.

You don’t need to explain your choices to anyone. When I’m asked, I say that it was the school that I loved when I saw it. There’s no need to talk about facilities (I actually have no idea what facilities the state schools have, they may be very good indeed).

But the point is, where do you draw the line? At what point do you say ‘no’ to something you can afford and that you think will advantage your child because not everyone can have it? Why is it ok for parents to pay someone to teach piano but not ok for them to pay me and my colleagues to teach English? Plenty of parents pay tutors to teach English. Why is that on the right side of the line? And where is the government going to find the money to educate the 600,000 students currently in private schools? You can get as high on those horses as you like, but abolishing private schools is dodgy morally and practically.

The average household income in the private school I work in is £60k, so around £30k per parent. While this is a decent wage, they’re hardly rolling in it. We have lots of parents who have ordinary jobs like teachers, taxi drivers and receptionists. Lots of kids have fees subsidised or don’t go on trips because parents can’t afford it. It’s hardly the image you’re painting.

They must be very heavily subsidised. Round here it would be upwards of £45k to privately educate two children, I don't imagine that's actually possibly on a £60k salary.

Gosh, I’m not in the UK, but I thought the fees were around £25-30K a year?!

The average household income in the private school I work in is £60k, so around £30k per parent

You must be subsidising them very heavily. An income of £60k is £3575 per month after tax. Private school fees average £15k in the UK - times 2, that’s £30k or £2500 per month. That gives a family of 4 on a £60k income a grand total of a £1100 month to live on, before any bills have been paid.

I don’t know where you are but round here the average fees are less than £14k per year per child (and our school is lower than average). Then most schools offer sibling discount on top.

I'm in London, where are you?

Yes, it is a struggle for a significant number of our families. We also have grammar schools nearby and not everyone has a secondary school age sibling. As I say, average fees in our area are less than £14k and we are below average. Plus sibling discount. What I’m saying is, though, that not all private schools are full of rich, posh kids.