Please don't 'baby' your children

[pineapple95]

Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

RedSkyLastNight* - I disagree with your DC’s school’s communication policies. My DD’s school sends home notes about those sorts of issues to parents in the correspondence book. Parents must sign every note, to ensure DC have showed it to them. For more important issues the head sends parents an email.

@irvineoneohone and all other parents whose kids have difficulty using ordinary cutlery, try these, all available widely online.
the handles are fatter for easier grip and there are indents on each item for the index finger to encourage kids to hold each piece the correct way.

Kura Care bright colours
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/KURA-CARE-CHILDRENS-CUTLERY-Easy-grip-cutlery-Eating-aids-Knife-Fork-Spoon/272335711613?hash=item3f68792d7d:m:mLKW40L9bznMeSc7IcKrH0w

Junior Caring Cutlery aqua
www.caresuperstore.com/kitchen-and-dining/eating-aids/caring-cutlery/p/junior-caring-cutlery-full-set-aqua

My DD’s school sends home notes about those sorts of issues to parents in the correspondence book.

They send home notes about every single activity happening at school, regardless of whether your child is eligible for or interested in it? That sounds like a huge waste of effort and paper, and is very much babying your child. If your child knows they are interested in football club, then they should take the trouble to find out about it, not expect their parent to do this for them.

.. to add, in case you missed it, I did make it clear I wan't talking about young primary school children, but children in Year 8 (i.e 12 and 13 year olds) who weren't able to take the initiative to do anything themselves because they'd been babied all the way through primary school and never had to take any responsibility. I don't expect 6 year olds to be doing these things for themselves.

Billywig you sound dreadfully smug. Thank goodness you're not a parent in one of my children's classes.

(My DC are perfectly independent btw but I can't bear parents who think they know it all).

I agree red
Who has time or resources in secondary to do that for 1000 plus students?

We have year group notice boards and a notice list that goes out to tutors. Music/drama/PE have their own boards with info about matches and rehearsals etc.
It always confuses me when I get a call from a parent asking why I hadn't informed them or their child about Thursday's rugby match and the first they heard was on Wednesday. I point out I have nothing to do with the PE department and they give out all information during clubs or on their board. I'm a form tutor, not a PA for everyone's clubs.

"I can't believe the number at university who still expect Mummy to metaphorically carry their book-bag for them." And literally ...I can't believe how many parents carry their children's bags around the university site on open days

It amazes me that children can use a games console controller or use there fingers to swipe a I pad....but can't cut up a sausage or manage to put a chip on a fork....and I'm not talking about children with SEN

There is research reporting that keyboard or console skills and not sufficient to develop gross or fine motor skills. The last time I mentioned this it was torn apart by posters so I’m glad some are now recognising that children need robust play to develop muscles and co-ordination.

How come any child only uses a loo without shoes on??? Do they never go out of the house? Again, this is very poor prep for school and parents must prep children adequately. I don’t really agree that different cultures should promote ways of bringing up children that impinge on their development and integration. The children are at school here and shoes are worn and cutlery is used.

If you want further evaluation of how poorly children are prepared for school and how they are effectively prevented from doing well at school, listen to the Radio 4 broadcast about children and families in Bradford. It’s very worrying. Health and education are both being compromised.

They send home notes about every single activity happening at school, regardless of whether your child is eligible for or interested in it?

Yes. It’s very straightforward!

I don’t really agree that different cultures should promote ways of bringing up children that impinge on their development and integration. The children are at school here and shoes are worn and cutlery is used.

I agree. I suspect that the expectations of parenting in preparation for school also need to be communicated more widely and with greater clarity.

There are probably lots of reasons kids dont use cutlery so well now.
Lots of us eat more international/fast foods. More sandwiches/pizza/chicken nuggets/pasta/rice or curry. Whereas previously kids may have had meat and 2 veg. Kids generally stab the food and chew it as it's easier. Many just 4yo probably just dont eat enough or like meat enough to worry about chopping things up.
Babies can swipe a phone (and plug in charger or type in code from about 1yo) so it is not comparable to using cutlery. It is often rose tinted look of the past as i imagine many kids couldnt use cutlery then but just used their hands etc. Just as they 'ate everything' but actually gave what they didnt want to friends.
Tbh that other countries dont have some of the issues is probably because
1 they put them plus stuff directly on a bus so they arent trying to walk /cycles with hands full
2 they use rucksacks because they have sense and enough space in schools
3 some countries dont start at 4.0yo. And even if they start preK young the kids may nap, not even be learning to read etc.
4 we push the kids so hard they day dream because they cant concentrate for so long.
Other countries probably have more time then to focus on personal skills buttons etc
5 my dd could suddenly just do button and zips when she was ready. Unfortunately that was around 5yo so she couldnt do her coat up in yr r.

Maybe redesign our playgrounds so they can be used more in winter/rain. Ours literally only have the swings as everything else if metal or very wet. Also i imagine things like swimming being so expensive as a family puts a lot of people off. So it's no wonder kids have worse motor skills.
4 is too young for many kids writing (lots esp SB boys dont meet the eyfs writing target). They would be better for life spending the year doing extra sporty things like swimming/cycling/gym/rugbytots/football/park And being able to nap if they are exhausted.
Also their speed of picking stuff up is so different some are waiting around for others to learn something or steaming too far ahead.

My 4yo carries own bag and lunch box to nursery. Hangs up own coat. Always surprised when I see the other kids parents doing it all for them.

I get 7 year olds also asking me to open packets of crisps for them...I think they are just used to their parents doing everything for them....one parent removed her child from our school because they wanted a dinner lady to spoon feed them their lunch...

I do try with ds but sometimes I have to step in so things get done and things don't get lost for all eternity.

From training 16-18 year olds in my job, I can see that even this age group doesn't quite think like adults. As a teacher, I am sure even you realise this is even more the case with primary age.

This is even with the best parenting in the world

Every so often I need to stop myself ‘babying’ DS. He’s 4, and a late summerborn, and started Reception this year. I do need to walk him to the closest possible point as he’s very distracted and would probably wander into another class. Getting dressed/undressed is still something he struggles with, he gets tearful and frustrated if he can’t do something straight away, and it’s so much easier to help especially if we’re in a hurry but he is improving and I am trying to encourage him to do more for himself.

Sometimes I think my 20mo DD is more independent, she’s very good with clothes and shoes already and could feed herself very early on.

@Helix1244

Yes to your latest and previous post! Why on earth do schools issue bookbags which are so impractical and annoying to carry? My daughter’s nursey/ prep school issues book bags and red bags. The redbags have such long straps that you can’t put them over your shoulder and I can only carry it by wrapping it around my wrist multiple times. My four year old daughter woukd have to carry it with two hands, plus a book bag that fits nothing useful plus her lunchbox.

And why don’t British schools have playgrounds that are suitable for bad western as well as good?

*bad weather (not western)

Most schools don't issue bags

Our school didn't use book bags so they had backpacks instead. Much easier to fit stuff in

I don’t understand why wearing or not wearing shoes makes using the toilet easier. I’m not a mum so have a never potty trained - am I missing something?

I’ll parent my kids how I choose thank you very much

Which is, of course, your right. However, expecting teachers to pick up the slack when children have not been taught basic skills, or where a parent chooses to hand some of their parental responsibilities over to the school, is not a right.

I work/have worked with children whose parents expect me to supervise their child eating the bag of crisps they've sent as breakfast because they don't get up in time to eat something decent (happens daily), parents who expect me to clean their child's teeth after break time snack and lunch. Parents who expect me to wipe their 8 year olds backside because they've never taught them how to do it. Parents who assume I will personally search for their child's lost item of clothing when they haven't named any of their child's clothes and we have over 300 children wearing the same design of jumper/shirt etc. As well as the work I am actually paid to do - supporting their child's learning. The children I've referred to are all nt. I really have no objection to the extra support needed and given to those with sn and will always do as much as I can to support those children.

bananasandwicheveryday that's because 'Some' parents can't be arsed...they are to busy posting there perfect lives on Instagram and Facebook l.

I just heard that at a local Christmas event kids aged 7/8 couldn't cut up paper as they had never used scissors. It wasn't they were inept they just had never used them. Seriously what's going on with basic life skills