Please don't 'baby' your children

[pineapple95]

Where do I start?

Parents of my y3/4 class routinely carry their children's bags in, take their lunch bags to the hall, hand in letters and money, put their reading diaries and spelling books in the right places on the right days, linger in the corridor chatting ... for goodness sake MAKE YOUR CHILD LOOK AFTER THEIR STUFF!

7-9 year olds can carry bags and remember books. Don't baby them. Even 3 year olds can carry their bags - don't be that parent who mollycoddles their children.

I have 3 dc and 1 is terrible with cutlery (the eldest - she's 10!). We've honestly tried but she's not got it. However she's extremely bright academically. Bike riding and swimming were a struggle to teach, horse riding she was a natural at. At 3 dd3 was using a knife beautifully. Dd2 is okay at it age 7 but not amazing. Anything needs cutting all 3 will just stab it with a fork and bite at it until I say "use your knife". I've no idea what the issue is. Dd1 is ambidextrous so maybe she chose the wrong hand to lead with.

@zzzzz that's exactly what I was thinking!

@zzzzz no I have arthritis so I’ve never worn heels. I’m still honestly confused.

Nope, uk, just observed by retired teachers skill levels have dropped

Skill levels have dropped yet expectations for yr 6 SATs maths matches that that was set for year 7/8 pupils 5 years ago. Perhaps when you raise expectations in one area it's not unreasonable to see another area of development lower. Perhaps it's not the fact parents are getting worse but a reflection of the change in school focus?

I do think we "protect" our children from danger I remember using a Stanley knife around that age to cut balsa wood, hypocrisy is that mine have only used them in school never at home as I am protective of them

The pupils toilets in my DC’s infant school are tiny child sized ones (much like the chairs in the classrooms are tiny chairs), so much easier for a typical small child to sit on than a standard adult sized toilet.
They don’t have to hoist themselves off the ground and perch on the edge of the toilet like they’d have to on a normal adult sized toilet. The nursery we used before my DC started school also had tiny toilets for the children.

I’d assumed that having special tiny child sized toilets for pupils were normal in infant schools TBH, so the comment about shoes making it harder to use toilets was puzzling me too.

Where do I start

Teachers of my SN child.
~ Could you please not make her anxiety worse by asking her what she has to be anxious about (she has generalized anxiety, so yeah)
~ Could you please follow her NEP and let her have constant access to water because that how she self regulates, and don't refuse at 12pm and make her wait until 3pm for more
~ Could you please keep her away from X because she is now having anxiety attacks due to her prolonged bullying
~ Could you please not tell her to take part in PE after I write to you asking for her to be excused because she body slammed onto the grass and hurt her back?
~ Could you please stop asking her to adjust her clothing (put your jumper on/take your jumper off) because she will do as you asked, but she has severe sensory processing disorder with debilitating clothing issues, so this will increase her anxiety and make her clothing uncomfortable
~ Could you please stop making her move seats every week, creating anxiety and making her morning routine impossible and unpredictable
~ Could you please stop putting her the middle of lines, and groups. Again, severe sensory processing disorder
~ Could you please stop asking her to do homework, when we previously negotiated that she isn't doing any because of the huge amount of stress and anxiety it causes
~ Could you please only talk to ME about your concerns over her work, and not her. It causes her great anxiety

ALL of these are covered in her NEP and I have spoken to you about them several times. If you could learn to follow my instructions, I won't have to mollycoddle my child because as her teacher you don't give a shit about her welfare at school, only her grades.

Don't parents get enough criticism and feel under enough pressure without teachers criticizing them in their down time? Spot on.

User260486 Sat 15-Dec-18 11:02:24
But it should be a two way approach, make it easier for the children - I salute a four year old who can do the buttons on a school shirt, tie a tie, put on a jumper and a blazer with two very firm buttons, carry a book bag, lunch bag, water bottle and sometimes a boot bag (all separately), put in where it should be in a classroon and won't forget anything on the way home.

I agree, User260486.

My DCs in the US had a uniform that consisted of a pinafore for the girls, with a polo shirt underneath, and for boys a polo shirt with trousers. Girls and boys could wear shorts instead of the pinafore or trousers until 15 October and after 1 May. Students could wear white, black or blue trainers or dress shoes for uniform footwear. On gym days students to grade 1 wore their gym clothing all day. Lockers were full sized. Backpacks were big and used by all. No ties! No silly blazers!

There were grumbles from the parents while my DCs were students about the fact that the boys' uniforms were cheaper and available anywhere polo shirts and trousers were sold whereas the girls had to wear a peter pan collared blouse and the pinafore. So the school changed to polo shirt for the girls too, but kept the pinafore. From 5th to 8th grade girls wore a polo shirt with a pleated skirt. On the last day of school there was a uniform exchange - you could bring old uniform items and/or pick up items you needed, all for free.

The school centralised all messaging and sent a folder containing all notices and other paperwork to oldest or only children in a family on Thursday. No need to hunt down a noticeboard or try to figure out what you didn't know. All money and permission slips and any other paperwork that had to be returned went to school on Friday with the child in the Thursday folder. All folders were placed in the folder basket in class. Students didn't have to handle any of the contents of the folders.

Thinking ahead and figuring out what might make things run smoothly seems to be conspicuously lacking in some of the schools described here.

I would also like to know why wearing shoes makes using the loo more difficult.

.....
My DCs' school had miniature toilets for preschool and Kdg students, all located in the section of the building where those classrooms were. Even back when I was in school the junior side of the building had kid-sized toilets.

Primary schools and nurseries have child sized toilets and many provide a step for the very smallest children or make other adjustments.

School won't allow my child to use caring cutlery at school - even when I've offered to provide it for them. So if she struggles on unable to cut food it's a problem of their making.

I've done more than enough to try to scaffold her independence in terms of clothing choice and slight adaptations and the like but with a class teacher refusing to engage this year... I'll just be a pain in the arse babying instead until she engages with the agreed Sen provision.

@toomanyeggs 😭

7 and 8 year old never having used scissors is just bizarre. Even if the parents are stupidly over-protective, surely they’d use them at school? DD’s favourite activity at nursery was chopping up Argos catalogs to make collages.

DS (8) is currently in the kitchen making breakfast for the family; bacon and American-style pancakes. I got the vinegar down from the high shelf so he could make the buttermilk, but otherwise he’s doing it all himself. polishes halo He can’t tie shoelaces though. We should probably work on that!

@m0therofdragons a few years ago I was teaching year 6 something that I remember learning in year 9 😱 they were getting level 6's in their SATs, I got level 6 in year 9 and was at a grammar school and it was the same content! Totally agree with you!

Toomanyeggs I'm assuming you're not in the U.K.

I doubt there are any 7 year olds who have never used scissors! Learning to use them safely is a standard part of preschool/foundation practice, surely? I know both of my DC used them from 2/3 onwards, at home and school or nursery.

As for using hands to eat, my DC have always sat at the table to eat with an adult, and go to a school which is good at promoting good table manners, but at 7 my DS still likes to eat with his fingers given half a chance - and that’s with being pulled up on it every single time for what, 6 years? Ditto screwing his feet into shoes instead of undoing them, not being able to take his jumper off without taking his T-shirt off too, trailing his backpack around with the zip undone and everything spilling out...no special needs, just being a child!

There seems to be a lot of 'you are the teacher you need to do this' and 'you are the parent you need to do this' on here. The education system is tough enough without all the animosity between the two, the government set unrealistic expectations and teachers have a class of 30, to manage, parent and teach!

I think all parents should be given an insight of what a teachers day actually entails. Since I have become a parent myself I am a lot more understanding of certain children and things I used to 'judge' (not talking about children with SN here). I'm very understanding of everything that goes on at my child's school, but even that has been pushed to the limit by teaches who are parents themselves.

I think everyone needs to agree that parenting is tough and teaching is tough!

ohchristmastreeoh
I agree.
I think there just needs to be a bit of common sense applied across the board.

E.g. There's no reason for a child to be mollycoddled to the point where I'm getting calls as a secondary form tutor on a weekly basis asking me to go looking around the site for their stuff and requests to be a PA on anything school related (I imagine the parent on question was probably someone who wanted to hog the teacher's time at pick up at primary too), but if someone is 6 then giving them a hand with some things as part of teaching them how to step towards independence makes perfect sense. It makes total sense to have letters out to parents/carers at pick up time and for teachers to ask primary pupils to check their bags for reply slips, but unreasonable to expect a secondary school to extend the deadline and put their child on a trip when thr student forgot to hand it in. Children with additional needs will require additional support and that is reasonable.

I think most people do apply a spot of common sense on when and how to help. Some people are prone to mollycoddling and thinking the world should revolve around their child.

There seems to be a lot of 'you are the teacher you need to do this' and 'you are the parent you need to do this' on here.

However much you may dislike this and find it distasteful or complicated, the reality is that parents are responsible for their children for about 90% of the time and schools for about 10%. Given the very precise learning programmes and targets at school it is really împortant that parents know what they need to do to get their children ready for school so that teachers can do their very difficult job.

My ds who can't use knife properly to eat can use very sharp knife(so easy to cut) for cooking perfectly. It's not laziness it's strength of his wrist(?), I think.

@Norestformrz
No I'm not, why?