Types of 'acceptable'mums...

[debbie46]

So this is going to come across rather stereotypical but i genuinely interested in ppls opinions of this.
Im a stay at home mum. I have 2 children under 4. Eldest just started full time education.
My youngest has not yet started nursery so is still with me full time.
As a mum i am very 'mumsy', we craft everyday, go on park/farm/museam/beach/zoo trips everyday. They go out at some point everyday any weather. While at home we bake. I make playdoh, sensory things, we often paint stones, make collages out of things we've collected the list goes on. I am constantly actively teaching them while im at home with them.
When i had my children my life took a big back seat! They do alot of classes/groups. I gave up my hobbies, they have their music in the car now! There programmes on tv. My world is now them.
And nt only do i not mind this but i love this! I love enjoying my children and spending this quality times with them!
I dont drag them round cafes/ restaurants/pubs for my benefit.
I dont enjoy drinking anymore. I life to raise my kids and get immense pride and satisfaction from that.

So my question is this.. Why is it that other mums don't like mums like me... I dont judge i dont put down i have my parenting struggles like us all. I just value time with my kids.
Since my eldest stared school ive found all of the small talk is along the lines off
'Ooo i need wine!'
'Thank god its school time need to run away for a break'
'Get the kids babysat and get yourself out!'
'Shall we go past the shop on way back have a few sneaky bottles!'

It seems from my experiences that 'normal' mums dont like 'mumsy' mums cs they seem perfect.. I am not i can assure you! Im just the mum who always has her kids prepped for schl always gets their homework done always makes an effort in activities etc. Is that sooo bad?! Like why do i feel like i dont fit in . Im just being a mum the only way i know how

I'd use your spare time in honing your grammar and spelling skills OP.

My mum was a teacher, she was probably a bit like you eg lots of craft etc and art but she also made time for herself eg parties and the odd evening out. It's called being well rounded.

Op if you and yours are happy then crack on.
The one thing I would never do though was nursery rhymes etc in the car, my car, my music

None of this makes sense:

• Silly amounts of homework is now a bit of phonics.
• You say your children are in an ordinary public school yet you say you are British. The description in Britain is 'state school'.
• You didn't choose to be a SAHM but are making the most of it, yet you feel other children are losing out because their mothers work.

-You've got a toddler at home full time yet you volunteer in the school (where your older child has just started, and presumably is only now full time after several weeks of building up) enough to know not to judge.

Honestly you sound extremely hard work. You are sure you are right in what you do and that it's the 'best way'. There isn't a 'best way'.

Personally I think having a good understanding of the news, of politics, economics, science and world affairs are more important than endless craft activities. My children were brought up listening to Radio 4 at mealtimes and it gave us a lot to talk about together. And yes, at four they were listening to the PM programme while they ate. I don't think this is the 'best way' to bring up a child, but it's my way. I wouldn't dream of suggesting to anyone in real life that my choice of radio was superior to glitter jewellery kits. Each to their own.

As that is the British way.. We like to moan

You like to moan. I'm quite happy thanks.

Four year olds do not get silly amounts of homework. That is a ridiculous statement.

They are just starting to learn to read and will get small regular bits to do at home which help with that. Same as they begin to learn writing skills.

Are you American op or American international school educated? A public school is a particular type of private school like Eton. I wonder if that is why you haven't found like minded souls. E.g. Your homework example brits would never say oh Peter found it really easy they would say nothing or say it was ok for once, but we had tears over the maths.

Dixie if she were American she would use "mom" etc

Nah she's just smug.

I agree with '9troubledwaters'. Definitely we should have our own hobby. As I didn't have any plan to spend my time, I felt lonely when my dd started school.she is one and only child

I think she said she was in the UK.

OP, your statements have swung about so much that it really seems as though you are still trying to convince yourself where you stand with regard to parenting styles.

One thing I'd say op, is that it is commendable your children are a priority, that's how it should be and not everyone lives that way. Parenting requires sacrifice which sometimes hurts.

But it's one thing to prioritise and sacrifice, and it's quite another thing to lose yourself because you now live your life through your children. I know someone who did exactly that and lived to regret it. She was pleased to have been there for her kids and didn't regret that part, but they've grown up and moved away, and some have even lost contact more than she'd have liked. She now looks around her in her retirement years and finds no hobbies and no friends; the price for having made her children her everything. I suppose what I am saying is there needs to be a balance as with all good things in life.

I really don't think that other people could care less about how you parent.

But it is obviously SO very important to you. SO important that you erroneously think people care. In the absence of abuse or neglect, I don't think anyone really gives a shit how other people parent unless to judge that they are somehow doing it 'better'.

And that's an unhealthy sign IMO. Their parenting is such a focus in their life that that is how they assess their success as a human being.

OP I do ALL the stuff you mentioned PLUS I work in the evenings. Only difference is I don't boast about it.

I don't usually 'wade' through this many posts, but it seemed worthwhile in this case, despite disagreeing with many of the comments.

We were equally involved with our DS for around ten years, and later on, to the extent that we both - Mum and Dad - worked in Education, in a 'paid' and 'voluntary' capacity.

And in this work we, hopefully, filled in some of the gaps that many children (though not from MN families) experience in their lives.

No offence, but it sounds like you're trying too hard.

The trouble is, with children like yours that are constantly stimulated and doing something ALL the time, they find it boring in school, when there are times when they have to sit and listen, or do ',boring' stuff like schoolwork.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do stuff with your kids, but there such a thing as overdoing it!

Honestly, it's OK not to be teaching them stuff every god-given minute...they will be fine if they have times where they need to make their own fun.

'Ordinary' mums know this.

Sorry op, but I'd find you a complete bore.

I work ft. My kids do all their homework on time.

If I have a day off, I'll spend it with them, but talking about parenting is sooo boring.

I have better things to talk about.

Meh!

You sound like my mil who encouraged her primary school dds to come home from primary school for lunch each day. I must admit get a life springs to mind but perhaps you are more self sacrificing than most.

I know two mums who loved mumsy stuff and actually started business.
One started craft class with children, and other started selling things she made/kit to make online.
If you truly love doing those with children, I think your children are very lucky, and it's a great hobby for you too.

Basically, anyone who likes playdoh is suspect.

OP, you do sound mumsy and quite simple domesticated and I would have zilch in common with you, that's all. But that is ok too.

Hi OP,

I think 'dislike' is a bit of a strong term to use....I don't dislike people like you at all - seems to me you might dislike the way I choose to live my life and parent my DD.

I work full time, not because I have to, but because i WANT to. I have worked hard to forge a good career for myself and as much as I love and adore my DD (and DH) I am now and always will be unwilling to give it up for them.

That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy spending time with my DD; there is plenty of time for that in the evenings / weekends / school holidays. We do crafty things (when I can face the inevitable mess) we play out, we visit the farm, we go on pony rides.....all the things that you do, just at the weekend or when we have time.

I enjoy a nice Hendricks and Fever tree on the odd occasion; and also a night off from my DD every now and again in a brucey bonus so that my DH and I can spend some time together just us two......I think this helps us as a family and helps us to stay sane!

So in answer to your conundrum.....I don't dislike you at all, I just don't want to be you or live your life!!

I think from what I have read from the op's posts is that her husband is often away working and she is left on her own to raise the children. She doesn't know what its like to have time for herself what would she do when she got that time. I think you have lost touch with who you are as a person. There are women out their like you but they don't let it define them as a person. Have you thought about becoming a TA or go back to college and study to become a teacher if you enjoy working with children why not make a career out of it.

Any unacceptable parents on the plonk yet ?

Cooling in fridge pax, just gotta bath the rug rats first

Nope, on the orangeade..... real party here

Waiting for bedtime pax. Does that make it/me more acceptable?

Hm, just me then. Screw screw screw, plop, glug glug glug... . Might as well, I've offered an educationally worthy activity, but the kids chose Pac-Man on the retro Atari.