Types of 'acceptable'mums...

[debbie46]

So this is going to come across rather stereotypical but i genuinely interested in ppls opinions of this.
Im a stay at home mum. I have 2 children under 4. Eldest just started full time education.
My youngest has not yet started nursery so is still with me full time.
As a mum i am very 'mumsy', we craft everyday, go on park/farm/museam/beach/zoo trips everyday. They go out at some point everyday any weather. While at home we bake. I make playdoh, sensory things, we often paint stones, make collages out of things we've collected the list goes on. I am constantly actively teaching them while im at home with them.
When i had my children my life took a big back seat! They do alot of classes/groups. I gave up my hobbies, they have their music in the car now! There programmes on tv. My world is now them.
And nt only do i not mind this but i love this! I love enjoying my children and spending this quality times with them!
I dont drag them round cafes/ restaurants/pubs for my benefit.
I dont enjoy drinking anymore. I life to raise my kids and get immense pride and satisfaction from that.

So my question is this.. Why is it that other mums don't like mums like me... I dont judge i dont put down i have my parenting struggles like us all. I just value time with my kids.
Since my eldest stared school ive found all of the small talk is along the lines off
'Ooo i need wine!'
'Thank god its school time need to run away for a break'
'Get the kids babysat and get yourself out!'
'Shall we go past the shop on way back have a few sneaky bottles!'

It seems from my experiences that 'normal' mums dont like 'mumsy' mums cs they seem perfect.. I am not i can assure you! Im just the mum who always has her kids prepped for schl always gets their homework done always makes an effort in activities etc. Is that sooo bad?! Like why do i feel like i dont fit in . Im just being a mum the only way i know how

pax, I've done toddler group this morning, I would have helped with homework but its friday and ds would rather play call of duty....i deserve that vino!

Toddler group, hardcore ! Youngest is 8, if I had to do toddler group now I'd need to smuggle gin in a Starbucks cup to survive.

I thought I was mumsy because I'm a sahm, crochet, sew, organise myself around what the dcs need, but now I see I'm not!
Ds1 has a friend over for tea and I'm drinking cider! I also have a tattoo! I swear in the car at bad drivers on the school run...
I think the op needs to stop living through her dcs. I also think op needs to stop sounding so judgemental about other mums.

I'm giving the DCs unfiltered tap water with dinner.

'cause that's how I roll.

Yep, if I'm singing wind the bloody bobbin up I deserve wine in the evening, no 2 in bath......nearly there!

I wouldn't judge you or dislike you for any of that, and I'd be friendly and said hello when I saw you etc., but I wouldn't be interested in a friendship with you. Your life is so different from mine that we wouldn't have very much to talk about.

It comes down to personal choice I think. You love your life so that's great for you, but for me your life would be a living hell.

FWIW I don't drink either, there are loads of things a person can do without it being all about kids. I have a full life that does not and never will revolve around kids. I'm as happy with it as you are with yours.

You mean cow chippednaulvarnish crack open the Ribena! It counts as a vegetable in this house

Yep, if I'm singing wind the bloody bobbin up I deserve wine in the evening, no 2 in bath......nearly there!
If there was a number 2 in my bath, I'd have a third wine.

I'm currently playing at pretending to go to school and have school dinners with 4yo. And counting minutes to 7, obvs.

OP it's not them, it's you

......and done cheers!

OP Youre being jiudgy Most of these mums are just chatting to pass the time in then playground and probably don't mean half they say. Let them
Alone. Live and let live. We're all different.

OP you say you are concerned with teaching your sons etc etc but in reality all you're teaching them is that their mums (a woman's) interests / desires / hopes etc are of no consequence and that their wishes come first - always every single time. So boys get what they want and girls wishes don't count.

You sound judgey and a bit sad and dull - sorry! You can't live your life through your kids - it's unfair on them and you.

This will sound mean but I don't think the other mums probably give you a second thought.

Lighten up - do some things for yourself.

All you mums singing 'Wind the Bobbin Up' to your children are a disgrace, you must not value them at all, everyone knows the words are 'Wine the Mummy Up'. If you really cared about your children and took any pride and satisfaction in their development then you'd get this crucial detail correct.

What olly said. You're in danger of turning out children like DH. He thinks he's in Westworld and I'm an android here to service his needs and maintain the home. I don't drink and enjoy doing child orientated activities. But I also like to do my own thing sometimes.

The post is an eye opener though as it seems there are clear judgements that because of how i raise my kids i am boring, insecure, obsessed with learning, and not being a role model to name a few.

The judgement is not about how your raise your kids, it's because of how you come across.

Boring - you say you've given up everything for your children. You do nothing but serve their needs. That would bore me, especially if it is all you can talk about.

Insecure - you started a post on a website asking why people don't like you. People who are secure in themselves wouldn't care.

Obsessed with learning - "I am constantly actively teaching them while im at home with them" says it all really.

Not being a role model - you've given up your job, have no hobbies outside of your children, allow your husband to be the provider, and just generally demonstrate to your children that women are only there to be homemakers and mothers.

I'd like to add OP that I doubt you have any insight into their lives just as they ha e little insight into yours. Try walking a mile in that happy, prosecco drinking, lip gloss wearing mum's shoes and you'll realise she's "just a mum" too with a whole set of "life problems" she doesn't choose to share. A bit of playground often disguises what's going on in RL

You should teach children to dominate

cleverkid are you that weirdo person who posted a bizarre thread about private schools being fab the other week?

Now I get your endless "tea" references, Cleverkid.

I can assure you when I say tea I mean tea. If I mean wine or gin I'll say wine or gin. Because I am a grown up with nothing to hide. And because I don't give a shit if you think booze is allowed, so I won't hide.

Op I think you're over analysing the school gate banter. Mum's complaining is just the age old way of bonding, it's a way of finding common ground, like when we moan about husbands. It opens the way to friendship where we can then discover more meaningful similarities.If you're standing there concentrating on how different you are based on meaningless chitchat you're missing the point of the exercise as it's just an ice breaker.

You gave up all your hobbies when you had children. Your life is now "them"... Maybe the other mums find you very boring one dimensional?

Surely if you join the PTA you will find some like minded souls. It always seems to me that everyone on ours is good at baking and all that.

Not on ours... everyone likes drinking and moaning! Also no SAHPs so the chit chat is often "Bugger! I can't make it / forgot to sort it / was too busy to squeeze it in" about work. OP I'd love someone like you to volunteer - organised, dedicated and crafty; but you'd have to relax a little about the drinking and complaining, it's what gets us through

I wouldn't cast judgement on a throwaway comment during school pick up/drop off. It's called humour.

Our PTA is entirely run by really busy people, too, Greatballs. Working parents with amillion hobbies and volunteering commitments. We'd love an organised SAHP who is crafty, too, like OP.

But yes, there is drinking and moaning going on as well. Maybe we'd all drink and moan less if we chose a slow pace in live with less to do.