Types of 'acceptable'mums...

[debbie46]

So this is going to come across rather stereotypical but i genuinely interested in ppls opinions of this.
Im a stay at home mum. I have 2 children under 4. Eldest just started full time education.
My youngest has not yet started nursery so is still with me full time.
As a mum i am very 'mumsy', we craft everyday, go on park/farm/museam/beach/zoo trips everyday. They go out at some point everyday any weather. While at home we bake. I make playdoh, sensory things, we often paint stones, make collages out of things we've collected the list goes on. I am constantly actively teaching them while im at home with them.
When i had my children my life took a big back seat! They do alot of classes/groups. I gave up my hobbies, they have their music in the car now! There programmes on tv. My world is now them.
And nt only do i not mind this but i love this! I love enjoying my children and spending this quality times with them!
I dont drag them round cafes/ restaurants/pubs for my benefit.
I dont enjoy drinking anymore. I life to raise my kids and get immense pride and satisfaction from that.

So my question is this.. Why is it that other mums don't like mums like me... I dont judge i dont put down i have my parenting struggles like us all. I just value time with my kids.
Since my eldest stared school ive found all of the small talk is along the lines off
'Ooo i need wine!'
'Thank god its school time need to run away for a break'
'Get the kids babysat and get yourself out!'
'Shall we go past the shop on way back have a few sneaky bottles!'

It seems from my experiences that 'normal' mums dont like 'mumsy' mums cs they seem perfect.. I am not i can assure you! Im just the mum who always has her kids prepped for schl always gets their homework done always makes an effort in activities etc. Is that sooo bad?! Like why do i feel like i dont fit in . Im just being a mum the only way i know how

I think there is a competitive edge to the way you described your situation op, which could be off putting if it comes over in the way you speak to fellow parents in 'real life'

I am a sah parent, I bf for years, I do craft, homebaking etc, but I also go to the pub and gigs and I volunteer one day a week and run a book club. I am not defined by my status as a child bearing woman, I don't do small talk at the playground much, I refuse to compete about who is in top set, I don't ensure dd2 hmwk is done as I think primary school should not have hmwk. I read to my children, but I also let them play on tablets in bed at weekend bedtime.

Parenting can be hard and lonely, people will say stupid shit and exaggerate in order to bond with others and make allies, a good way of doing this is to accentuate your imperfections, if you seem too perfect and together why would you need a friend? Also other people's kids are boring so if all your anecdotes are child related it can make conversation a bit pedestrian. So if you don't think you are acceptable join the club, we are all amateurs in this career and we all make stuff up as we go along.

I hate to think how much the museum staff would be drinking if I'd taken ds to one.

I don't have kids but I imagine IF other mums don't like you it's because you seem pretty sanctimonious. Just because you're lucky enough to do all the things you mention doesn't mean you're any better than other mums. You give off the impression you think you are. Just because some other mums don't do all of the things you do doesn't mean they don't want to. And it doesn't mean they don't value their kids or value spending time with them. To assume you know anything about what they value is very ignorant.

Your post comes across judgemental of those who don't do things your way so if that's the way you come off in real life then there's your answer

^This too.

YOU enjoy your life and that's all that matters. Does it matter other people may not agree with you (or you with them)?

Will say though, you are still an individual, and it comes across that you have absolutely nothing, but your role as a Mum.

And What's wrong with liking a drink occasionally! There's very little to beat a cold G&T with a slice on a sunny afternoon IMHO

I love a run around the park in the Autumn sun with the DC or a country walk. I love a nice day out at a museum or a stately home.

But

I also love a night out with DH to a gig or the cinema and I love to get a bit trollied and dance like a loon in a club with my mates.

My own mum worked, had very little interest in crafts and couldn't cook for toffee but I still think she's the best mum in the world. She shared her love of books and history and my dad did science, nature and cooking abetted by my wonderful grandparents.

There's many ways to be a mum. If you feel you don't fit in and it bothers you then you just need to find your tribe.

As much as I love my kids it's important that they see me as a separate person, I want me daughter to grow up seeing strong female role models that work, that are financially independent, have ideas and dreams and are more than just 'mum'
Plus I'd find you tedious, I have more to talk about than my kids.

A bit of boredom and finding their own enertainment is beneficial for children. Too much parental guidance can be a bad thing.

And, fwiw, I am also one of those mum's who always has everything 'prepped for school' and 'homework done'... That isn't the marker of a 'mumsy mum' - ime working mothers are ridiculously organised. I work full time - keeping balls in the air requires rock solid organisation. There's nothing 'mumsy' about it.

I

Stepford wives

You sound very humourless and small minded. Plus, you don't seem particularly intelligent and I enjoy the company of people who are bright and witty.

Absolutely Giddy, there is children in the family who have been raised in a way that they must ALWAYS be doing something - always.

A couple of minutes doing nothing, they're bored out of their skull. However, the most annoying thing is, they're constantly focused on "what's next", example; they can go bowling and it is "are we going to the park after this" "can we go to the cinema later" etc etc and they actually miss what they are doing. It seems that they want to cram so much in, they miss everything they do do.

I have never heard any mums talking about booze the way the op has. She has made them out to be alcoholics who don't love their children.

I played my kids NWA (clean version- I'm not that lax)!

Cos the film was out, I like the track (Express Yourself not F**k the police!) and it lead on to a discussion about the legacy of slavery and racism today.

Can't seem - You can join my club as long as you promise to drink gin, listen to grown up music and never mention Play Doh.

Oh dear!

I am at the opposite end of the spectrum to you, OP.

I admire your dedication to all things child related, but I don't recall doing anything much of the stuff you describe. It would have driven me round the bend.

You feel the need to keep your children occupied every minute of the day.

I, by contrast, belong to the benign neglect school of parenting. I liked nothing more than having a cup of coffee while mine were babysat by cbeebies.

Do you go on to other parents the way you do in your OP? I am sure you don't mean to, but this would have the effect of making others feel inadequate.

Children are, after all, the reason why wine was invented.

I think a PP mentioned the fact that we hang with those we have things in common with. For me, children may be a part of that but I'd get bored with someone who had nothing BUT their children. Someone whose time is 100% dedicated to their child/children just wouldn't appeal to me. It isn't necessarily that I wouldn't like (the general) you, it's simply that I don't understand you and have no desire to. Everything would have to be child centred and that makes me shudder quite frankly.

You sound like hell to be around, sorry!
I'm a mum, I do all the things you've listed, but you know what, I can't wait to take the kids to school for a break. I love being out with friends away from the kids now and again too.
I feel a bit sorry for you to be honest, your identity is your children...don't you want one of your own?
I dread to think how you'll cope when they're older and don't want to be around you all the time.
Good luck with that one.

Oh I admire mothers like you, but they do tend to be judgmental and certainly you sound a bit like that. I remember a mother I knew many moons ago who was absolutely mother earth and her children were adorable. I really, really liked her, but she had no understanding of how things that came naturally to her, did not come naturally to everyone.

Actually you sound like you would probably find more people like you in home ed groups.

Interesting first post

You sound smug. No wonder people don't like you

Im a stay at home mum. I have 2 children under 4. Eldest just started full time education

Can I ask why your 3yo child is in full time education ? That seems very odd. Don't you feel they woudl benefit more from being at home with you ?

Did you find it too stressful having more than one child at home ?

• I am constantly actively teaching them while im at home with them. When i had my children my life took a big back seat! They do alot of classes/groups*

You sound very stressed and anxious . Small children don't need constant teaching , they learn through play . And why do they need to do a lot of classes ? They are just babies .

You seem to be trying very hard to impress other people, rather than meeting your children's needs.

'Gets the kids prepped for school
Gets their homework done on time'
These 'kids' who are they? your 3yo? In ft education....

That's true, plus they don't give homework in pre school!
Weird... you must be taking out of your rectum

*talking