Sensitive middle class child in rough state primary, can this ever work?

[indiemummy]

What do you think? Going private is not an option for us. DS in local state primary. Teachers & atmosphere lovely, even a swimming pool in school. Oftsted pretty cr*p, 75% don't have English as first language. I thought that with support at home, DS could get the most out of the school. Was totally confident about sending him there...

...However, in reality he's totally left out. The other kids screech and scream all the time, and discuss power rangers, mcdonalds, different tv programmes etc. DS doesn't know what power rangers or mcdonalds ARE, and rarely watches tv. so he just plays on his own at school. He's only in nursery class but we had planned to keep him there as we liked the school and it is our nearest school, 5 mins walk (any other would be 20 mins walk or a bus ride - we don't drive)... Tbh think other schools near us will be similar.

Feel so bad for him - will he make friends eventually? Don't mean to sound like a snob. Not saying we are great parents or anything! More like the opposite! I just want DS to fit in and make friends but not sure if this is possible (or if I want him to change...??) All these 4 yrs of feeding him organic, omega-3, reading with him, he has a whole library of books at home... and now I wish I hadn't bothered so he could fit in and not be left out at school!!

Anyone with any experience of anything like this??? Thank you thank you! Just a bit confused! xxx

Of course we all worry about our kids dealing with school in general. But if, on top of that, you have concerns about the school itself that makes the scenario worse. My dd is very shy and rather socially clumsy and it causes me great worry to think about how she manages to handle some of the other incredibly socially able little girls in her class, particularly as their competitiveness leaves dd describing herself to me as 'rubbish at everything'. But that kind of worry is part of letting a child go. The kind of worry I'd have had, on top of that, if I sent her to one of my local schools (rambled about them earlier) would be of a much more intense nature.

And I don't personally believe that where they go to primary school won't make any difference if we centre them well in their home lives. I think primary school is vitally important and will have a huge impact on their sense of themselves. If I had an ideal world I would love my dd to be in a small school where in a quieter environment she would be able to show her own skills - she draws and paints the most incredible pictures and has a wicked sense of humour. Instead she goes to a very large, very busy primary school nursery and probably three times a term makes it onto the art table to even try to paint something. Ok, she may get by, she may enjoy some parts of being at school, but it will affect her not to be able to increase her self esteem at school and be viewed by others according to her strengths.

Just scanned these posts but I agree with Piffle - sensitive children will always find it tricky to settle into places, no matter what kind of schools etc. they go to. We've got a very sensitive shy ds1 who's just started in a rough-ish very large primary school. We were worried he'd get lost in the hugeness of it all and not fit in, but he's doing fine.

Maybe you need to help ds along a bit - the odd trip to Macdonalds/slightly shorter hair??! You can do your bit to aclimatise him. Our ds's have maybe been to Macdonalds half a dozen times in their lifetimes, but they know what one is (and love it!) and ds1 is helping himself by developing a sudden obsession with the Power Rangers, so a DVD has been purchased...

With a bit of luck your ds will be OK - our ds has also bizarrely found one of the only other boys in his class who is also sensitive and with nice middle class (and unlike us, well off!) parents. They're now "best friends" and are having weekly play dates at ours/their house.

Ahem. It's hard writing a post like this without sounding all snobby and daft, but I think the pluses of the school ds is in - the fact that it's huge means it's got fab playing fields and other facilities - IT suite etc. and so far he's managing. His vocab is changing slightly - we've had "cool" and "bloody hell" being used for the first time in the past couple of weeks, but that's life...

Blimey your a bit up yerself Greensleeves!

And what an arse licker you are Murphee{wink}

And what an arse licker you are Murphee

A big fat one too!

There seem to be quite a few trolls about at the moment. Is it something to do with Halloween?

indie-haven't really read thread, just your poast. Must say what matters is whether he is happy. If he's happy where he is leave him.

I really think that that is THE most imporatnt thing. If he's not and feels estranged and frightened then move him.

You know we can try and control our kids' direction in many different ways, but the best laid plans usually fall by the wayside.
In all my years of experience I've learnt that the only thing that really matters is if they've got friends and they are happy. I couldn't really give a t*ss about the rest.

indie-haven't really read thread, just your post. Must say what matters is whether he is happy. If he's happy where he is leave him.

I really think that that is THE most imporatnt thing. If he's not and feels estranged and frightened then move him.

You know we can try and control our kids' direction in many different ways, but the best laid plans usually fall by the wayside.
In all my years of experience I've learnt that the only thing that really matters is if they've got friends and they are happy. I couldn't really give a t*ss about the rest.

No seriously I do feel that you were a bit pompous.

Greensleeves, have you been popping those omega three's alot lately?

You did come across as frightfully middle class.

And really quite sensitive!

Does Omega-3 make you middle-class and sensitive, kitty? I confess to being very partial to fish

pirannah!

No, I prefer pollock [wonk]

DS attends a rather selective pre-prep and he talks of Power Rangers, even though I don't think he's ever seen them.
I think it's unrealistic to think that primary school kids are going to discuss deep and important matters of truth and beauty in a Socratic dialogue

To me the important thing is that they discuss something, and that their imaginations are given fuel.
No, I don't think PR are the best for this, but TV can be a postive tool for this.

"cool" seems to be having a renaissance, which is good for us who remember the 70s

Oh look, I spelt wink wrong. And pillock

It does indeed Greeny and it makes you write in a posh way too.
I need some.

No obviously not been taking Omega-3 but perhaps you should try some other pillsinstead.

I think you're doing OK kitty

gurrier, how about telling us your real name? Or you could run along and bug someone else, if you like.

I say !!

There's alot of winking going on here. I think we have an attack of the Herbet Loms !!

whats thte matter Greensleeves can you not take a bit of good humoured banter