Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

Sensitive middle class child in rough state primary, can this ever work?

195 replies

indiemummy · 22/10/2006 14:34

What do you think? Going private is not an option for us. DS in local state primary. Teachers & atmosphere lovely, even a swimming pool in school. Oftsted pretty cr*p, 75% don't have English as first language. I thought that with support at home, DS could get the most out of the school. Was totally confident about sending him there...

...However, in reality he's totally left out. The other kids screech and scream all the time, and discuss power rangers, mcdonalds, different tv programmes etc. DS doesn't know what power rangers or mcdonalds ARE, and rarely watches tv. so he just plays on his own at school. He's only in nursery class but we had planned to keep him there as we liked the school and it is our nearest school, 5 mins walk (any other would be 20 mins walk or a bus ride - we don't drive)... Tbh think other schools near us will be similar.

Feel so bad for him - will he make friends eventually? Don't mean to sound like a snob. Not saying we are great parents or anything! More like the opposite! I just want DS to fit in and make friends but not sure if this is possible (or if I want him to change...??) All these 4 yrs of feeding him organic, omega-3, reading with him, he has a whole library of books at home... and now I wish I hadn't bothered so he could fit in and not be left out at school!!

Anyone with any experience of anything like this??? Thank you thank you! Just a bit confused! xxx

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 22/10/2006 17:55

lol at the nerdery!
so that was where I went wrong with my children...

Heathcliffscathy · 22/10/2006 17:57

oh come on give her a break!!!!!

indiemummy, it didn't work for me. i'm the child of immigrants, grandparents painter decorator/seamstress, parents taxi driver/teacher.

i went to a very rough (what i mean is regular fights in playground that draw blood, lots of swearing, precocious sexual behaviour ie. 10 year olds french kissing etc) and did not have a good time there at all as i stuck out like a sore thumb.

then went to private girls school on an assisted place (local state secondary didn't accept me, only one that did was fucking miles away) and had a pretty shit time there too.

i'm v v v concerned that my ds doesn't have the same experience as me. i'm not surprised you're worried. i'm also full of admiration that you didn't go down the lying hypocrite route to get your child into the church school. are there any other options? places at other schools often come up mid-year (people move etc). if there is another better state school perhaps a little further away, would it be worth having a look and having a chat with the headteacher???

if your ds is happy at his school, i wouldn't be worried though...

i feel for you.

Heathcliffscathy · 22/10/2006 18:00

that should read very rough state school.

and before anyone jumps down my throat, the snobby posh cows that populated my secondary school made me just as miserable. this isn't about class war, this is about children desperately wanting to fit in and be 'normal' not different.

as parents i think we have a duty to keep the balance between letting our children know that difference is ok and valuable and that they should stand up for themselves and others that are and making sure that our children aren't sabotaged by being totally different if we can put them in an environment in which they don't stick out so much.

Original poster
indiemummy · 22/10/2006 18:10

OK going out now - thanks again for all your help and, er, comments! All taken on board. Speak to you all soon. Love indiemummy xxx

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 18:28

Aw, come on custy, don't sit on the fence...tell us what you really think.....

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 20:52

lol at boys long hair being seen as alternative

its the norm no among the musli crunchers isnt it

Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 20:54

oh, shut up and eat your sugar puffs you old chav

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 20:55
sorrell · 22/10/2006 21:00

LOng hair on boys fine. It's when parents of three/four/five year old with shoulder length blonde curls with a hairclip in it start moaning that their darling is mistaken for a girl that I feel a bit

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 21:01

yeah sorrell
thye are tossers.

Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 21:03

lol, there was a little boy at the playgroup I used to go to who had a flowery clip in holding his curls off his face, and his mum was always snarling about people mistaking him for a girl

mine have page boy cuts, they definitely look male IMO

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 21:04

not hey look like little lord fuantleroy

Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 21:06

erm, yes, that's true

but not quite as fat and spoilt

sorrell · 22/10/2006 21:06

My ds used to say v loudly, 'No mummy, she is girl. Look at her hair.'

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 21:06

we met a kid on holiday wih t horrendosuly long hair
i wanted to cut it off
he coudlnt see

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 21:06

we met a kid on holiday wih t horrendosuly long hair
i wanted to cut it off
he coudlnt see

Greensleeves · 22/10/2006 21:08

you should keep a pink alice band in your handbag to hand to the parents in these situations, cod

TheDaVinciCod · 22/10/2006 21:08

lol;
ora pair of pinking shears

Spidermama · 22/10/2006 21:25

I was the only wholemeal bread munching, sandal wearing, book reading girl in the whole school and YES it was alienating. I still hate the fact that my parents didn't move somewhere we'd fit better in and alienation has been a pattern through my life.

To make matters worse I was an English person in a rough comprehensive in Aberdeen where they are openly racist about the English.

I was ashamed of my family and their wholemeal, lentil, Nature Trek shoes and went to enormous lengths to try to shoehorn myself in and be like the others adopting a broad Aberdonian accent, craving white bread and Dairlea spread - everything which would make me normal.

It took years to find my real self again and was a real drain on me.

Indiemum I totally understand your concerns about your ds not fitting in. Don't let the rabid inverted snobbery put you off being a caring mum who wants the best for her kid. I wish my mum had been more like you.

Hideehi · 22/10/2006 22:04

God sake get him out of there. I was taken from a lovely upper working class area, not rich but not poor area and moved to a council estate at 8 with the shite school that came with it. I tried to kill myself at 10.
Would YOU go to that school if not why should he ?

expatinscotland · 22/10/2006 22:05

In your case I think I'd take a second or third job and go private, indie.

Spider's right.

expatinscotland · 22/10/2006 22:08

My kids are Scots and there are plenty of places in Aberdeen - and right here - I wouldn't send them to school.

I'd educate them at home before I sent them to some - some of which have had serious assaults on campus.

Heathcliffscathy · 22/10/2006 22:21

god spider i love you

franca70 · 22/10/2006 22:56

Indiemummy, you sound lovely.
this thread has just triggered a bit of apprehension about ds starting school in january.
we are not english, ds would start in 2 years time if we were living in our country! still haven't understood well how it works here. (for instance where I come from private schools used to be for people who failed at state schools....)
I suppose that greensleeves 3.33 post mostly sums up how I feel, (with the only difference that ds has learnt all he needed to know about power rangers at nursery - actually couldn't believe they are back in fashion, they were crap the first time around)

overthehill · 23/10/2006 00:07

One thing I'd say is that many children don't start making real friendships and playing with (rather than alongside) other children until they're at least 5, so IMO it's a bit early to judge. Also in my experience (admittedly I only have 1 ds & 1 dd myself!) boys are more keen to fit in than girls: my dd positively likes being different (eg having no TV, being veggie), but my ds tries desperately to fit in even tho' he has no interest in football, Star Wars etc. Once your ds does care more about friendships, it may be that he will feel happier playing with the girls if he's sensitive & more into books rather than superheroes etc., & that's fine.