Is it normal for 'challenging' children to receive rewards when they are just doing what is normal and expected behaviour of the rest of the class?

[SafeAsHouses]

Hope my question doesnt offend anyone....but it just seems to be happening alot recently in my sons class, and its tricky trying to explain to him why the kids that are disruptive and muck around in class (as per my DS, I know not everything kids say is strictly true!), seem to run out of school each week with stickers / rewards / child of the day etc, because they managed to do something that is expected of the rest of the class 100% of the time.

Surely there is a better, more fairer way to reward?

We need smaller class sizes and then there would be less need for stick and carrot based systems anyway.

Shame that won't happen this century :(

But yes, under a positive reward system it is fair that some children get rewarded for things that come easily for others.

Imagine if your son struggled with maths, but one day after a huge effort managed to learn all of his times tables. Most of the class had known them for the last year or two. Should he not be rewarded? I think he should, it's an achievement for him in that moment.

You were moaning about him getting stickers just for sitting at carpet time.

But bertie - I'm not saying that child shouldnt be rewarded! NO where in my thread have I said that!! I'm asking for a reward system that recognises everyone's efforts in the class, not just those at either end of the scale.

Unfortunately I don't think that exists, and, as many people have pointed out to me, my son should just be thankful that he's well-behaved / good mannered / kind / hard working / keeps his head down / is from a stable, loving family.

I'm not suggesting to remove rewards.

Just read OP, but if what is happening is what you say is happening and making your child feel they way he does, then your child's school is shit and you should find another.

One of DS's classmates is ASD....gets an awful lot of rewards when, much of the time, he's careering round the classroom disrupting everyone else. In a 7yr old eyes, it seems harsh when this child is rewarded for just sitting nicely in carpet time.

^^ if you don't believe it is 'harsh' to be rewarded for sitting nicely at carpet time, then it is your job to explain why it isn't harsh to your son.

'they did something fairly straight forward that the rest of the class was expected to do'

How is that unfair? Provided they are rewarded for their 'efforts'. If your ds prides himself for being good, doing his work, sitting still then he 1)finds it easier than some to do so and b) already HAS his reward. Pride.

my son should just be thankful that he's well-behaved / good mannered / kind / hard working / keeps his head down /

But if he finds it easy to be well-behaved, good mannered and kind then he isn't trying in the same way these kids are. The rewards are there for effort.

At 6, he won't understand this, but you should. You should be explaining this to him.

This happens at my dc school as well. The way he sees it the "bad" children get rewarded. I think it's a bad system. I think They should segregate the children into ability groups and a child from each group should get a reward each week. (And the disruptive children should be in one group regardless of ability).

'He still wants stickers though'

So give him stickers.

I think They should segregate the children into ability groups
(And the disruptive children should be in one group regardless of ability)

Really

"telling Cain (15 and 6 foot tall with piercings) that he gets an ipod for NOT punching anybody for a week"

Yep- that definitely happens. An IPod a week.

Some of the attitudes on this thread make me so depressed.

If you talked to me about segregating my son away from his peers don't be surprised if I'm less than polite in my response

Yes, so the rest of the children can get on with their work.

"This happens at my dc school as well. The way he sees it the "bad" children get rewarded."

You know, I'm going out on a limb here. But I am prepared to bet that most kids don't think like that. It's how grown ups think. Children are usually much more understanding and empathetic than that.

'And the disruptive children should be in one group regardless of ability'

Why? How will that help them?

Ah the ignorance and lack of empathy.

I don't mean into a different classroom, just a table. I don't think it's fair to expect other children to "teach" or be held back because of other disruptive children.

This happens at my dc school as well. The way he sees it the "bad" children get rewarded.

then you explain why this isn't the case.

Disco, I would happily have my DD out of mainstream and into a smaller more supportive environment, leaving your perfectly well behaved children to get on with it
Unfortunately there is little provision
You may find that once the 'troubled' ones are gone your little darlings start playing up more

I do think that rewards shouldn't be used as the main behaviour management tool (though it's better than threats).

I can see why they are used in the current system but to me it just shows why class sizes are too big. Alfie Kohn very good on this. I know it's unrealistic.

My pushing level 5 for maths but extremely disruptive 10yo would be so stimulated and so much better behaved on the same table as children who still barely knew their number bonds to 10 . What a fabulous idea.

'are a number of other children in his class who are 'neurotypical' but just sodding naughty and disruptive'

YOu should absolutely be struck off the medical register for such a claim, or go for further training at the very least.

My son has his own desk he has autism . It helps him and the rest of the class . I don't think anyone else has even noticed

My DS (ASD) had a wonderful teacher. DS was very shy but had frequent outbursts and got the 'naughty' boy name
This teacher watched very carefully and found that the nice quiet children were doing a very good job of winding him up constantly in very subtle ways
Disruptive children are not a different species and children who present as very well behaved can cause trouble too