Is it normal for 'challenging' children to receive rewards when they are just doing what is normal and expected behaviour of the rest of the class?

[SafeAsHouses]

Hope my question doesnt offend anyone....but it just seems to be happening alot recently in my sons class, and its tricky trying to explain to him why the kids that are disruptive and muck around in class (as per my DS, I know not everything kids say is strictly true!), seem to run out of school each week with stickers / rewards / child of the day etc, because they managed to do something that is expected of the rest of the class 100% of the time.

Surely there is a better, more fairer way to reward?

its all about the minorities, whilst the 'majorities' are completely forgotten about.

ha ha ha ha ha ha, that is hilarious, thankyou for making me sputter my coffee everywhere.

Yes, we do what Swoosg does! though we are fortunate that our primary school is very hot on emotional intelligence! Or basically just behaving decently to other people.

It's a bit of a joke in our family that DD never won a single award all through high school, she was the only one in her form never to get one. But she understands that it was the high profile achievers and the ones that needed motivating that got the honours.

DD has fantastic emotional intelligence and is really thriving and achieving academically at sixth form college. We tell her she will get her rewards in real life.

you didnt wait to read my next post hazey.

I find it really offensive that somebody doesnt give a hoot about my child not getting a sticker because they behave every day of their life in the classroom. Its not ok for me to feel upset about that, but it IS ok for somebody who has a child with sensory issues to not give a damn about my child?

Sorry Ouryve I didn't mean to imply that they didn't. I phrased that badly. My point was simply that those with stable backgrounds who are neurologically and academically "normal" already have a big advantage.

But your son will grow up, have a good life, get a job, buy a house - all those things are his reward for working hard.

My DD is 'NT' and doesnt get rewards beyond verbal praise from the teacher and from us, but thats all she needs. Am I going to get my knickers in a twist about other children in her class who may earn stickers? No.

its all about the minorities, whilst the 'majorities are completely forgotten about . You just keep telling yourself that.

kids with "sensory issues" are a totally different problem

from those with dysfunctional families who could not give a shit if they are in school or not

THEY are the ones who get "rewards" in secondary school

telling Cain (15 and 6 foot tall with piercings) that he gets an ipod for NOT punching anybody for a week

what does that teach the OTHER 6 foot tall 15 year olds?

Its a tough one. Ds1 is yr4 . There are two children in his class who get special house points for sitting down or queuing nicely. One of the children gets two house points at the end of each day if he has managed to not hit any of his classmates We have discussed how they dont find school as easy or as fun as him, so need special encouragement. Its not a fair system but then most things in life arent fair, the sooner they learn that, the better.

no offence mum, but J is not very clever and he gets house points for knowing the answer to 2X2 I would be horrified if one of mine came home and said that to me.

I am often amazed adults start threads and chatter about this. Surely it's obvious why their positive behaviour is rewarded? You have to explain to children why. My son is six and he gets it. It's not that difficult to grasp

Yes, that is right OP, it's all about the minorities. Those lucky ones who have to struggle day in day out to achieve a fraction of what the majority finds easy. It is so, so easy for those in the minority.

Really? Are you so lacking in empathy and understanding? [Shock]

My dd (NT and no problems with behaviour) gets rewarded at school for sitting quietly or getting on with her work. Not all schools are like the one described in the OP.

I think children who generally work well and are descibed as lovely tend to get lots of unspoken and unnoticed rewards for doing what really comes naturally. They are rewarded by the teacher's praise, are often given jobs, things to read out, people to help or show round etc etc. They also receive praise from their parents and relations about how well they are doing etc etc. Children with SEN or other difficulties spend pretty much most of their time struggling to do seemingly simple things like sit still on the carpet, wear their coat or whatever. They are often the subject of much eye rolling and exasperation. If they manage to conform they are rewarded. Considering that for many children they may have a medical condition that uctions, means they find it virtually impossible to conform, I am not too worried that my NT child doesnt get star of the wek or whatever. Life for children facing these challenges isn't fair. It isnt fair that my dd can't speak, can't cope easily with noise, finds it difficult to follow two part instructions, can't have friendships, will probably never have a job etc etc. Do people really begrudge her star of the week because she sat still in assembly listening to people talk about things she couldnt follow and couldn't get involved in. Unbelievable.

Having invisible disabilities isn't fair

No cansu, most people reach full emotional maturity prior to having children thankfully.
Then there are the minorities that are a real pain in the arse and can't shut up in the playground when picking up their children

Its posts like some of these make me realise why my son is picked on and bullied. BTW the first time he was able to sit on the carpet during quiet time was a huge sodding event for us.

You should send him to a school like my DS previously attended even one of the teachers said children like that don't belong there.

Children with SN or disabilities can be born into any family regardless of social class ffs.

My son has cp and due to this suffers pain, is tired a lot of the time as it takes more energy than normal kids to do tasks and has meltdowns he finds hard to control. He tries his best to behave as well as normal kids and got star of the week for sitting nicely at carpet time. It is harder for him to act like normal kids than normal kids being exceptionally behaved. But according to you, your precious child deserves the award much more. You should just be grateful your child isn't already starting out at a disadvantage to her peers. My son will soon learn how shitty and unfair the world is one day, I don't think at 5 this is something he needs a lesson in.

I love the way people seem to know who in their childs school has SEN and whos just plain naughty and disruptive!!
The simple fact is you don't KNOW if they have SEN or not unless you've been specifically told by the parents!!

Yes it seems unfair but it is part and parcel of life, life isn't always fair.

You're just making yourself look petulant, now, Safe.

I'd give my eye teeth to have children who aren't "minorities". I'd do anything to have the worst of my worries regarding my kids being how to explain to them the nuances of reward systems and how they work. Hell, it would be wonderful if my almost 8 year old had the receptive language to even understand what the hell I was going on about or even notice the significance of a gold star.

But yeah, you just carry on feeling hard done by because you have neurotypical able bodied children [headtilt]

I think the rewards scheme is flawed however it's done.

In DDs school everyone in the class gets a merit certificate in assembly at least once a year. So even if you are middle of the road as describe by others you still get some acknowledgement BUT
When DD got hers the other day she came home and said it was my turn to get 1.. She knew how it worked....

She has often moaned that got praised for something easy Telling me that "* had to stand on a chair and everyone clapped because she got 2 spellings correct. No-one ever clapped me and I get mine 15/15 every week"

I have had to explain many times to her that * had to work twice as hard as you to get 2 spellings correct but she still thought it was unfair.

Wasn't until she found a particular piece of work hard did she understand what it was like to be and she is now more understanding of why get more praise.

I've typed deleted and retyped so many replies I'm not able to make anything that makes sense.

I'm not biting

As an example, one of my dc gets rewarded often, he has massive problems behaviour wise and academically, he never gets invited to friends houses or to other childrens parties, ever.

The other one of my dc rarely gets rewards, although occasionally work of the week or a certificate but has loads of friends, is always being asked round to play and have sleepovers.

Its swings and roundabouts.

My eldest DC has always been well behaved, complies and works hard at school. She didn't get many rewards, apart from the intrinsic reward of pride in herself and us as parents being proud of her. As well as all her teachers' telling her/us how lovely she was.

My youngest DC on the other hand has behavioural problems. He hits and finds socialisation difficult. He is rewarded when he is able to behave appropriately in school. For him this is difficult and it is an achievement for him to do this. No child (especially 4 year olds - as is my DC) wants to do badly. All children want to do their best and please. Sadly he finds this very difficult. Yes he is difficult to manage (at home and school). He is rarely invited to parties and never asked to tea. He is increasingly aware of this. His self esteem is low and this is becoming a vicious circle for us all. I feel very sad for him as he would like to fit in better.

Poor behaviour is a special need in the same way that having difficulty learning to read or do maths is. Unfortunately many people don't think like this and I expect many of the other parents refer to him or think of his as 'naughty', 'mean', 'nasty' etc etc. Perhaps they even think that we have not brought him up 'properly' or we are 'chavy' too.

This thread makes me feel sad for him.

He gets rewards for just sitting at carpet time because he has ASD?

Do you know how much harder it is for him to fit in in a mainstream classroom and even sit there?

What a grossly ignorant post.

My DD (YR7) attends our local academy and they have a VIVO awards system in place, where Vivo points are awarded and can be exchanged in the gift shop for items (computer games, hair straighteners, cinema tickets. Sounds good in practice, but the Vivo leaders who have thousands of points are the most disruptive, unruly children in the year. My DD who just gets on with her work, regardless of whether the teacher is being sworn at or a chair is being flung across the room has hardly any. She has just accepted that this is how the system operates.

Be grateful you have a child who finds it all so easy. Really, stop and think about it and be grateful.