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Primary education

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daughter accused of sexual act..help!!

285 replies

cezzer1 · 13/11/2011 15:02

My daughter, 7, made an inappropriate comment to an older boy aged 9 in the playground in front of her piers. She said "I'm going to bite your willy". She pretended to chase him and inadvertently licked him on the knee. The boy then kept asking her for a week or so to be his girlfriend and kept blowing her kisses, which led to her ignoring him on the playground. 6 weeks later the boys mother wrote in to his teacher saying her son was traumatised by the comments and implied my daughter had licked her son on the genitalia area of his trousers. The school never called me in and simply told me in a brief 8 minute meeting after school, due to the teacher having prior commitments and needing to rush off. I was left in tears. they had dealt with it and my daughter had had to apologise to the boy in front of classmates, although out of earshot and had also had to write him a letter. My daughter was only asked if she made the comment, which she admitted truthfully and if she licked him on the trousers, which she also admitted truthfully. However as an adult I understand the implied behaviour behind this and when it was explained to her people thought she had intentionally tried to lick his genitalia area, she went to pieces and severely broke down absolutely incredulous at the accusation. At 7 she has no concept of the act she is accused of and in her version it was a comment made to look big in front of her friends at a time when her friendship group was experiencing problems, a situation the school have had to monitor and are aware, and the act was a playful chase and the boys genitalia was not touched neither was it intended to be. I was never called to help my child through a serious accusation before she was found guilty of it and I have had to wait four long days before I can speak to anyone about it. This lad has an obvious crush on my daughter having told all his friends "she's his" and this has not been reciprocated, she's only 7, and it took 6 weeks for the lad to come forward, in the meantime he was still pursuing my daughter and obviously not traumatised but possibly annoyed at my daughter's reluctance to return his affections. What are my rights here. She's a gifted and talented register student who has twice been bullied at the school and suffers from an underlying confidence problem, although gregarious to the outsider. I believe this to be the reason for her silly comments of which I do Not condone, but the act she is said to have done I fully dispute both the accusation and the way it was handled and the lack of concern for my daughters well being in all of this. In addition if this becomes public throughout the school, her reputation will be blighted.

OP posts:
MindtheGappp · 13/11/2011 19:35

You are making a judgment, teacher. That's what I'd want you to do.

Mrz, you are being melodramatic. Step back.

MigratingCoconuts · 13/11/2011 19:35

MTG, why are you getting so heated over something which is out of any of our hands? Its a point of law that these things have to be passed on or a teacher would risk their job.

MindtheGappp · 13/11/2011 19:36

What if the CPLO is in the staffroom?

Do I have to make a formal appointment? No, I don't live in a police state. I refuse to.

MindtheGappp · 13/11/2011 19:36

I didn't think I was getting heated? Why one earth did you come to that conclusion? Strange.

MigratingCoconuts · 13/11/2011 19:37
Confused
Mum1369 · 13/11/2011 19:38

Honestly? I would prefer those teachers who know him well and know me, to discuss what has happened and what each of them has seen and report back to me with a view. But, I accept that a parent who has something to hide may not want the same outcome. It's a very difficult situation, and I do accept that all of you are pulling in the same direction, we all want the same outcome, I just happen to believe it's a collaboration of teacher and child protection professionals that is the best bet for a good outcome. Not in isolation. Teachers are trained professionals who are well placed to understand the child and be receptive to changes, child protection and logging of incidents obviously has it's place to ensure things are not missed. But I think you are being dismissive (at best) of the role the teachers can play

beingarebel · 13/11/2011 19:40

I'm concerned that there are teachers here who wouldn't have reported this to the CPLO. As a parent I would be unhappy to think it hadn't been reported. I have nothing to hide but I don't know if my children have something to hide going on away from my knowledge. Sadly abuse isn't limited to the home / parents / main carers. It can easily happen that the main carers no nothing of abuse going on and logging of incidents will help flag it up.

These small incidents CAN add up to a CP issue. They are more likely to be destroyed in the near future and no more come of them. I'd rather a 1000 meaningless incidents get reported so that 1 child is protected than no meaningless incidents get reported but 1 child continues to suffer abuse.

mrz · 13/11/2011 19:48

Mum1369 perhaps you are confused with all the CPLO thing
I'm a Child Protection officer inmy school but I'm also a full time teacher in the school and know the pupils and parents very well having worked in the school for many years but I have had additional training to deal with CP within the school. I am not a stranger making judgements I am a professional following the training I have been given to keep all children in my care safe.

mrz · 13/11/2011 19:49

No MindtheGappp you are being irresponsible and unprofessional

MigratingCoconuts · 13/11/2011 19:52

What if the CPLO is in the staffroom?

mrz, I get the impression that MTG might have the same misconception...

Mum1369 · 13/11/2011 19:54

Mrz- you are quite correct, I didn't realise that. In which case it makes no sense to me that it could not be discussed as a concern

mrz · 13/11/2011 19:56

If the CPLO is in the staff room (I'm not very often to be honest) but if I were I would expect the teacher to ask to speak to me in private

LunarRose · 13/11/2011 19:56

MTG - I am totally at a loss, this is so far from best practise. I'm amazed any teacher can feel this way. I wish there was a way of explaining to you how wrong your approach is.

I'm speaking not just as a trained teacher and also as someone who personally knows of children on the at risk register who, simply by teacher reporting that a child is upset, might well have better life because the information is in the right place for it to be passed on to the authorities. This isn't just about major child abuse cases, you don't know how that report might help.

mrz · 13/11/2011 19:58

Mum1369 staffrooms aren't private anyone could walk in and overhear confidential information.

teacherwith2kids · 13/11/2011 20:02

I have wondered, rather cynically, whether MTG works at the kind of school where 'that kind of things doesn't happen round here to our kind of families' and so a culture of complacency and lax practice has built up.

mrz · 13/11/2011 20:05

or in the kind of school that files it away so no one ever knows it happens round here

MigratingCoconuts · 13/11/2011 20:05

teacher...given the choice, I'd rather work at the 'police state' school MTG mentioned earlier than the kind of school you have described.

teacherwith2kids · 13/11/2011 20:08

That was what I meant, mrz.... coming from the kind of family that I do, which everyine would believe is nice / partly privately educated / all university graduates / well spoken ... and yet in which children were abused (by someone outside the family but close to it, not divulged for 20 years because nobody picked up the warning signs) I know very well that it can happen anywhere, to any kind of family.

teacherwith2kids · 13/11/2011 20:10

MC- I'd rather be a child at a 'police state' school too, especially an abused child....

jenniferturkington · 13/11/2011 20:12

There was the heart breaking case of Lauren Wright, a 6 year old who died at the hands of an abuser. She attended school until a few days before she died. In the enquiry following her death the school was found at fault on many many counts. The head teacher didn't have a CPLO in place 'because there is no need in my school'. No staff had received CP training.
Had the staff been trained to report anything that could be suspicious to a designated person, and the CPLO followed giudlines, her death would likely have been avoided.
In the OP's case, it is very likely to be playground high jinx, a case (among thousands of others) of little kids saying 'willy' for no apparent reason. But, if having to report these events leads to abused children not slipping through the net, then what on earth is the problem in logging it?
To the teachers on here who wouldn't have reported this to your CPLO, this is negligent- god forbid anything happened at a later date you would be held accountable.

mrz · 13/11/2011 20:12

I agree teacher it's dangerous to assume children from nice homes are protected from all dangers

mrz · 13/11/2011 20:16

it could even be the OPs child has heard another child make the same remark and repeated it to look big in front of the other children as the OP suggests but it is important to find out

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 13/11/2011 20:29

Surely an incident such as this should be flagged up not just because a girl is saying she is going to bite a willy but because a boy sat on this information and is 'traumatised' by it 6 weeks later. Its about recognising when someones actions are inappropriate but also when someones reactions are inappropriate/disproportionate. Possibly.

mrz · 13/11/2011 20:33

I agree sabrina

Feenie · 13/11/2011 20:48

'Holier than thou'?

Shock Shock

I will say it again - you don't piss about where CP procedures are concerned, because the consequences of doing so could be so terrible.

I think you are right, teacher and mrz - MTG's school is way too complacent. I hope they are never proved wrong.