daughter accused of sexual act..help!!

[cezzer1]

My daughter, 7, made an inappropriate comment to an older boy aged 9 in the playground in front of her piers. She said "I'm going to bite your willy". She pretended to chase him and inadvertently licked him on the knee. The boy then kept asking her for a week or so to be his girlfriend and kept blowing her kisses, which led to her ignoring him on the playground. 6 weeks later the boys mother wrote in to his teacher saying her son was traumatised by the comments and implied my daughter had licked her son on the genitalia area of his trousers. The school never called me in and simply told me in a brief 8 minute meeting after school, due to the teacher having prior commitments and needing to rush off. I was left in tears. they had dealt with it and my daughter had had to apologise to the boy in front of classmates, although out of earshot and had also had to write him a letter. My daughter was only asked if she made the comment, which she admitted truthfully and if she licked him on the trousers, which she also admitted truthfully. However as an adult I understand the implied behaviour behind this and when it was explained to her people thought she had intentionally tried to lick his genitalia area, she went to pieces and severely broke down absolutely incredulous at the accusation. At 7 she has no concept of the act she is accused of and in her version it was a comment made to look big in front of her friends at a time when her friendship group was experiencing problems, a situation the school have had to monitor and are aware, and the act was a playful chase and the boys genitalia was not touched neither was it intended to be. I was never called to help my child through a serious accusation before she was found guilty of it and I have had to wait four long days before I can speak to anyone about it. This lad has an obvious crush on my daughter having told all his friends "she's his" and this has not been reciprocated, she's only 7, and it took 6 weeks for the lad to come forward, in the meantime he was still pursuing my daughter and obviously not traumatised but possibly annoyed at my daughter's reluctance to return his affections. What are my rights here. She's a gifted and talented register student who has twice been bullied at the school and suffers from an underlying confidence problem, although gregarious to the outsider. I believe this to be the reason for her silly comments of which I do Not condone, but the act she is said to have done I fully dispute both the accusation and the way it was handled and the lack of concern for my daughters well being in all of this. In addition if this becomes public throughout the school, her reputation will be blighted.

crystalglasses the "record" would be destroyed within the year at the latest unless there are further concerns

Can you answer the fact that you could be brought before the GTC for your ignorance/arrogance, that it would be a disciplinary matter?

And those are just the consequences for YOU.

and could be much worse for a child

Surely all the teaching on CP has been that if all the little things don't get reported, then the bigger picture goes unnoticed.
[boggle]

Exactly.

Actually I'm sick of this it's just wrong, you report report report.

Anything else is bad practice. If an abused child is missed because of this: "I've built a relationship with the child to I'm going to sort it out because I know better" you will be subject to disciplinary proceedures

Sorry that is just the way it is

You don't gossip, even well intentionally

Good god the poor child

I'm not a teacher so I can't speak as one, but as a parent I would much prefer it that if my child did or said something that could potentially indicate a CP issue it was not discussed in the staff room but recorded and evaluated by somebody trained and removed from the situation.

But then I'm not afraid of my child's name being on a form. I am concerned about what is done with that form, but the actual logging of child's name and incident does not worry me and I'd far rather my child's name recorded on the register and something picked up then it wasn't and something awful happened.

Late this thread but just wanted to wholeheartedly agree with mrz and Feenie.

You NEVER file away concerns, you always report it.

It is kept in a locked file and should not be discussed and will destroyed when it ceases to be a concern (usually pretty quickly).

Yes - it just confirms the fact that common sense is being outlawed.

Talk about throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Surely a network of professional people discussing a child in order to express concerns and 'keep an eye on things' can never be a bad thing? These people (certainly in my DS's school) see him everyday,know him very well and would be able to see if something was wrong much more effectively than someone looking at it objectively ( wouldn't that take longer and be less based on the child?) I agree that both things happening simultaneously would be the ideal solution to catch those that may slip through the net, therefore agree that things need to be logged. But, you cannot flame MTG really - teachers talking together and discussing concerns cannot really be seen as gossip can it? Surely that can only promote those close to the children having a more informed viewpoint, giving people who spend more time with the children than anyone, an opportunity to be more alert to issues? These people are trained professionals as well

Talk about throw the baby out with the bathwater

Now that definately would be reported....

The issue here is not ignoring CP concerns or not logging them.

It is what constitutes a CP concern. IMO this OP does not.

discussing a child in order to express concerns
This should be done with (and only with) the child protection officer. Yes I would view anything else as gossip. The only exception is a student teacher and mentor, student teacher should report to mentor, mentor then reports.

and 'keep an eye on things'
Done by the Child protection officer

Information sharing with permission of parent to help child deal with the day to day at times of stress is very different.

Mum1369 would you want a group of people chatting about something that has happened to your child in the staff room or would you want it to be treated confidentially? Would you want them to discuss something your child has disclosed that has distressed them over coffee or would you want it to be kept on a need to know until you are contacted?

I am also not a teacher but I was involved in voluntary youth work for many years, including training voluntary leaders for a national youth organisation. I agree completely with Mrz that this kind of incident must be reported to the designated person. There is nothing wrong with a child of this age using the word "willy" but saying "I'm going to bite your willy" and then allegedly trying to lick the boys genitalia moves us on to a different level and has to be a concern.

On its own it would not lead to any further action and, as Mrz says, if no other concerns are raised the record would be destroyed fairly quickly. It would be great if we didn't even have to report concerns but there have been far too many cases where children have suffered serious abuse and worse due to adults failing to report incidents.

For the benefit of those who go on about common sense, reporting is common sense. Abusers are very plausible and are good with children. If you met an abuser you would probably trust them with your child.

I do not want to live in a police state but nor do I want a situation where more Victoria Climbies and Lauren Wrights happen because people decide they don't need to report concerns. The average paedophile abuses over 100 times before they are caught. 26% of rape victims are children. 11% of adults report that they were sexually abused as children (I am one of those and I accept that it is part of why I feel so strongly about this). I want to see those figures come down. Reporting concerns helps.

Stop being holier than thou. You don't report everything because you have already exercised the judgment not to report a Y10 who says 'fuck'. You are making judgments all the time. Accept it.

Somewhat different

As I have already said, it would depend wholly on the context in which the year 10 used it - as is the case with this thread, where the concern hinges on the context in which the word 'willy' is used.

It is probably also worth saying that the person in the best position to make the 'it's not a CP issue' is the CPLO. Ours is luckily someone with whom it is entirely possible to have the professional dialogue 'I have observed / heard this, don't want to overlook it if it is of concern, what is your advice?'

Somewhat different because you are making a judgment all on your lonesome.

I will say again - I would report a Year 10 who used f* as a verb, especially if portraying themselves as a perpetrator towards someone else. i would not if they used it as a swear word. The use of it as a swear word is a long way from the 'of concern' boundary, the other is close enough to, if not over, the boundary, so i would seek advice from the CPLO, rather than discussing it with anyone else.

But MTG, do you really think that a child protection concern is something you should be publicly discussing in a staff room rather than with the person you should be discussing it with??

No MindtheGappp it isn't mine or your place to decide I hope you never discover that your judgement put a child in danger