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daughter accused of sexual act..help!!

285 replies

cezzer1 · 13/11/2011 15:02

My daughter, 7, made an inappropriate comment to an older boy aged 9 in the playground in front of her piers. She said "I'm going to bite your willy". She pretended to chase him and inadvertently licked him on the knee. The boy then kept asking her for a week or so to be his girlfriend and kept blowing her kisses, which led to her ignoring him on the playground. 6 weeks later the boys mother wrote in to his teacher saying her son was traumatised by the comments and implied my daughter had licked her son on the genitalia area of his trousers. The school never called me in and simply told me in a brief 8 minute meeting after school, due to the teacher having prior commitments and needing to rush off. I was left in tears. they had dealt with it and my daughter had had to apologise to the boy in front of classmates, although out of earshot and had also had to write him a letter. My daughter was only asked if she made the comment, which she admitted truthfully and if she licked him on the trousers, which she also admitted truthfully. However as an adult I understand the implied behaviour behind this and when it was explained to her people thought she had intentionally tried to lick his genitalia area, she went to pieces and severely broke down absolutely incredulous at the accusation. At 7 she has no concept of the act she is accused of and in her version it was a comment made to look big in front of her friends at a time when her friendship group was experiencing problems, a situation the school have had to monitor and are aware, and the act was a playful chase and the boys genitalia was not touched neither was it intended to be. I was never called to help my child through a serious accusation before she was found guilty of it and I have had to wait four long days before I can speak to anyone about it. This lad has an obvious crush on my daughter having told all his friends "she's his" and this has not been reciprocated, she's only 7, and it took 6 weeks for the lad to come forward, in the meantime he was still pursuing my daughter and obviously not traumatised but possibly annoyed at my daughter's reluctance to return his affections. What are my rights here. She's a gifted and talented register student who has twice been bullied at the school and suffers from an underlying confidence problem, although gregarious to the outsider. I believe this to be the reason for her silly comments of which I do Not condone, but the act she is said to have done I fully dispute both the accusation and the way it was handled and the lack of concern for my daughters well being in all of this. In addition if this becomes public throughout the school, her reputation will be blighted.

OP posts:
PosiesOfPoinsettia · 21/11/2011 11:39

This thread disgusts me.

On the first page someone accuses of the OP's dd of being precocious for playing a silly game, well not even a game.

FFS.

The little 7yr old did something perfectly normal, the boy's response has beena a little bizarre. But too many adults are treating these children as if they have an adult's view of the world.

OP I would seriously consider an official complaint about how the school has handled this, not least to make you feel that you have stuck up for your child.

Governors, Head, LEA and Ofsted.

Feenie · 21/11/2011 13:20

You also have no idea about CP, legislation, as a school does not have to report every single incidents, to CP, especially due to a one off incident like this, it would be monitored and to see if there was any further red flag incidents/behavioral concerns.

altkinmum, all teachers on this thread, except one, have said you should flag an incident like this as a cause for concern - and yes, you do have to report it to the school's Child Protection Team. Failure to do so could result in disciplinary action for the teacher - and worse for the child.

Even the teacher who wouldn't record it was concerned enough to say she would 'keep it in her head'. Hmm

mrz · 21/11/2011 17:26

altinkum Mon 21-Nov-11 11:33:34

"The youngest "abuser" I encountered was as a student in nursery during my teacher training 20+ years ago ... he was three!"

your very first comment! concerning the 3 year old "abuser" your words!!

people questioned you, on you labeling a 3 year old abuser, you replied!.

The child in question is an abuser however at the age of three no one labelled him as such which seemed to be your issue ... however the behaviour he engaged in then was abusive and it continued so that he was later convicted of abuse.

and yes I can really guarantee that if you look in the system you will not be able to identify the young person feel free to try.

mrz · 21/11/2011 17:28

PosiesOfPoinsettia do you really think that is normal acceptable behaviour from a 7 year old?

Elibean · 21/11/2011 17:41

I don't think its all that abnormal, but it is inappropriate (which the OP stated) and unacceptable.

There are some very silly expressions being bandied about in KS2 at dd's school (quietly so) according to dd1, and 'willy kiss' is one of them. I think it means intercourse Confused but as dd hasn't a clue, neither have I!

mrz · 21/11/2011 17:42

So all your children all run around threatening to bite boy's willies Hmm

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 21/11/2011 18:04

To threaten to bite someone at seven and using a body part? Yes.

Then licking a knee, going along with the eating theme? Yes. Unless the child is exposed to abuse or porn and doe sthis all the time, it's perfectly normal.

FFS. To a seven year old a penis is funny, nt sexual.

Appropriate? No.

mrz · 21/11/2011 18:08

So do your children normally say "I'm going to bite your willy" ?
Have you ever heard a child say it? I haven't and I spend 5 days a week on playground duty

Feenie · 21/11/2011 18:09

It isn't sexual to 90% of 7 year olds, no. But it might be indicative of exposure to porn/abuse in the other 10% - who knows? And that's why it has to be a possible cause for concern.

Feenie · 21/11/2011 18:11

That is true - have known hundreds of 7 year olds, and have never heard a child say this either.

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