Ds sits next to kid who stinks of pee ; should I mention to the teacher?

[DrNortherner]

Ds is in Year 5. In Maths and Science he sits next to this boy who clearly has toilet issues. Every day ds complains he smells of stale wee and it puts him off.

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain. I reckon the teacher will already know this kid stinks of wee so is it worth mentioning?

FWIW, most days I see this boy he comes out of school with a wet patch on his trousers

Dh is of the 'Hey, this boy stinks and it's not fair my ds has to sit next to him every day' stance where as I am a little more diplomatic...

Any advice on how to tackle?

You can be compassionate and still feel uncomfortable at being forced to smell stale urine. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

madwoman - We didnt go private but would always do so now. We had been under a community paed who referred us to CAMHS as decided it was a non medical problem!

6 months later I wrote to head paediatrician (not a gastro specialist or anything) at hospital giving the symptoms and asking for confirmation that all medical tests had been done by the community paed. Amazingly they had a cancellation for an appointment for xray/blood tests etc the next day and we had a diagnosis and medication 2 days later - the NHS can work very fast with a suggestion of misdiagnosis.

Cant believe you are going through misdiagnosis case for dd2 as well as the toileting issues. Are you fighting misdiagnosis with solicitor, would welcome any tips although obviously ours is very different as dont need compensation as hopefully no permanent damage to my son but I want an apology and to prevent same happening to anyone else.

Haven't read all the posts, but my 13year old foster son bed wets and then hides it. He also has been known to smell of wee as he then goes to school without showering.

I think your post sounds extremely ignorant, there could be so many other issues you haven't even considered such as parental neglect or sexual abuse or anxiety. Totally agree with some of the other posts, you don't sound very nice all but alternatively you could just be badly educated.

aquashiv if you had to spend all day at work next to someone who smelled of stale urine, would you be happy? I doubt it. DrNo is not stating that she's going to throw child to the lions, she's asking what she should do. Unfortunately, as much as we all think of others and try to be compassionate, if our child is struggling with an issue at school, the majority of us would try to solve the situation.

What exactly can she do??? What can the teacher do?? Exclude the child because he smells?? If it really is that bad I am sure the teacher will have established what the issues are.

I think you need to mention this to the teacher as the issue could cause some teasing in the future.

scarlettsmummy - unfortunately this attitude is the norm I think, certainly in my sons school as all the parents did complain and say he should not be there. I really believe that many parents think a child should not be at school if he smells but have not thought through the implication just NIMBY. Perhaps they think there should be one school just for smelly children.

If the child is being neglected then the teacher CAN do something. If the child has health issues and his parents aren't seeking help then the teacher CAN do something. Yes, I empathise with posters that are perplexed that anyone would dare to complain about a poor child but unfortunately children can be cruel and if OP leaves it be, then I think she's wrong to do so. I'd always speak to the teacher or head if my DD sat next to a child I thought had issues and they were affecting my DD's schooling as well and that's not because I'm a bitch. It's because it's really the right thing to do.

It just shows a total lack of any intelligence. A child will only be going to school if there is a medical problem, or parental neglect of some kind. In either case this is not the child's fault, so therefore the other parents need to get a grip and explain these facts to their own children, so they are not also badly educated twits.

But at the end of the day the teacher can not stop the child smelling of urine!!!! So other than removing the child from the class what can they do? Presuming they have already informed social services or spoken to the child's parents.

Nobody has said the child should be removed. My view is that the situation should be sorted for the best of everyone. Yes the child with the urine problem should be considered first, I agree, however it is affecting OP's son also. That's all. He's allowed to say that he is troubled by it to his parents and OP has stated she's informed her DS to be considerate BUT children aren't always considerate are they? If the boy has a severe problem then OP's son will have to suck it up. However it may be something that a quiet word with the teacher may resolve, for the benefit of both boys. DrNo's opening post was a bit insensitive but I think she knows that. No need for a witch hunt.

If you mention it to the teacher it is very likely it will get back to the boys mum so just be sure you are happy to have someone possibly hating you as much as I hate all those who complained about my son. As you can see from the reaction of parents here whose children suffer with undiagnosed toileting problems it is a very emotive subject. The fact that this boys mum is scarcely speaking on the school gates may suggest she is already struggling and needs friends/support.

I agree constipation that the boy's mum sounds like she may struggle with anxiety etc and that's why, I, personally, would probably have a nice quiet word but like you say, it's a very emotive subject and I understand why OP would find it hard.

Sorry hate sounds such a strong word and not something I would ever normally feel but to watch your child suffer and be blamed and bullied and called stinky and be continually angry. I can accept awful treatment to myself but not for my children just awful as a parent when you cant help them and feel you should be.

constipation I hope this poor boy's mother cares as much as you do.

I wonder what the parents who don't want their child sitting next to another with wetting problems would do if the situation were reversed. I know we don't have all the facts here but if there is a medical problem and as others have explained it can take years to get the diagnosis and help required, what would you do? I don't see that there is any alternative other than ensure they arrive at school in a clean fresh uniform, freshly bathed and rely on the understanding and compassion of the others in their class.

con, dd2 was in exceptionally bad way at birth and had been monitored solely by student midwife throughout labour. supervising midwife went to check dilation before giving the ok to push and immediately clocked huge problem and crashed the paeds. subsequent presentation and dx suggested prolonged asphyxia of over 45 minutes duration (she was a whopping 9lber that spent 5 weeks in scbu). hence our interest in NICE guidelines (re monitoring during labour, and in my case, vbac) oo, as a NICE guru, you don't happen to have come across any regarding trainees or supervision do you?

so i don't think dd2 really counts as a mis-dx, although essentially i suppose she failed to dx distress/ asphyxia etc... we are still getting independent expert opinions through solicitor tbh. v difficult to prove difference in outcome due to inadequate monitoring, when inadequate monitoring means there are no monitoring records to use as evidence. so i suspect we're a bit stumped. ultimately not interested in compensation per se, but dd2 will def ask at some point why she's got brain damage and what happened, so we do need some answers.

no advice really, but you do just have to stick with it. it can take years with no guarantee of closure of any sort.

i suspect our next move will be camhs/ psych related, so interesting to know you were sent that route too...

Oh and slave there is nothing to hide the smell of incontinence ,pads often leak they certainly do nothing about the smell

Yes Op make the teacher aware discretely that done of the other children are commenting on it so they can decide how to deal with the other dc promote understanding and stop bullying

As for what your Dh wanted to say well hope it's something he never has to deal with as an adult because something never thought I would have to deal with one day ok next day partalised from waist down no Bladder ir bowel control and yes I lost some so called friends who could not deal with it but also know who my friends are

This is a relly difficult subject obviously. I've not had to deal with incontinent chi.dren myself so don't have knowledge of the medical and psychological issues. Seeing it from the point of the OP's son, it isn't a great situation and I think some of you are being really hard on her. I don't see how just telling her son he has to put up with it and try to be friends with this child will help either OPs son or the incontinent child. The issue needs to be addressed for the sake of everyone, it may be that the parents and teacher aren't doing anything.

Surely incontinence products would help though? Along with frequent changes of clothes and of the pads? I would have thought that would go some way to preventing a particularly strong smell of stale urine.

I really feel for parents that have to deal with this, and the stories on her of misdiagnosis or no diagnosis are awful. I don't even fully understand why a diagnosis has to be so important (when it comes to managing the symptoms I mean, obviously a diagnosis is important for a cure). The problem is there whether it is diagnosed or not. And if a child needs one to one support or whatever then that should be given on recognising there is a problem, whatever the problem turns out to be called.

I obviously have very little experience on this, so I'm sorry if I have come across harshly. I may be thinking back to my ds's experience of getting a diagnosis of AS. The school and I recognised the problem and dealt with it accordingly well before we got the official doctors letter containing a diagnosis. As such, by the time we got the diagnosis, eveything was in place, it didn't change anything.

It is very very wrong that there is not more support available, and honestly, i'm quite shocked that a child can display symptoms for such a long time before anything is done by anyone other than parents.

I sat next to 'the smelly girl' (ie the severely neglected girl) for about a term at school. It was awful - not the girl, I quite liked her - but it is really difficult to sit quietly gagging each time someone moves.

Whatever the solution is, complaining is not it but neither is telling the OP's son to 'suck it up.'

slave to give you an example someone with incontinaces is allowed 4 pads in 24hrs by the nhs .

Sometimes sadly slave there is nothing that can be domne in some cases

slave no unless you suffer or your child has suffered it is not something that is well known or understood by many

Just ask the school if they know.

They will have had this before and will know what to do.

Barbarian I think you may be referring to me when you say OP's son "to suck it up"...? Hmm, I have posted around 4 messages defending the OP so after continual criticism of her, I was being "sarcastic" to those who think her child should just put up with it. However, you may not be referring to me, if you aren't, I apologise.