Ds sits next to kid who stinks of pee ; should I mention to the teacher?

[DrNortherner]

Ds is in Year 5. In Maths and Science he sits next to this boy who clearly has toilet issues. Every day ds complains he smells of stale wee and it puts him off.

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain. I reckon the teacher will already know this kid stinks of wee so is it worth mentioning?

FWIW, most days I see this boy he comes out of school with a wet patch on his trousers

Dh is of the 'Hey, this boy stinks and it's not fair my ds has to sit next to him every day' stance where as I am a little more diplomatic...

Any advice on how to tackle?

slave - this cant be compared to adults in the office who might be able to do something about it ie have a shower or change what they eat.

This child will be doing their best to stay dry and will be totally humiliated, probably have no friends and be deeply depressed. The parents will certainly know he comes out of school wet and will be trying to get a diagnosis and probably trying to hide it from everyone, like I was because of these unaccepting attitudes.

What would you do exclude him until it is resolved???

Sometimes I wonder why I look at MN as I cant believe people can really have such awful attitudes. Hardly surprising my son has suffered so much, it breaks my heart.

Thanks to those of you who have offered constructive comments, it is much appreciated.

Of course I have told ds not to call this boy names, although I do know name calling is going on with some other kids.

I asked for advice on how to tackle as I am aware that the teacher probably is aware of the issue and that the kid must have medical/personal issues and hopefully he is getting the relevant support. However, as slave says, I know I would hate to have to sit next to someone who smelt. And lest face it, stale urine is a very unpleasant smell. Surely he should be changing into clean pants and trousers?

slavetofilofax - i do smell stale urine and sometimes faeces when ds is at home. and i do the laundry. and bathe him.

he does live here y'know. my washing machine has just been replaced as a result. it's a pita having to launder duvets, sheets and pillows every single day of your life. let alone the clothes.

really, demanding a medical issue is removed from your delicate presence because you don't want to deal with it?

like i said, think a little about if it was your child. it's difficult enough trying to work around it without crassness and insensitivity.

sorry, op. you are being entirely reasonable.

Fair enough, you all disagree with me. That's fine.

I'm being honest, I wouldn't want to have to work whilst having to smell stale wee, so I wouldn't expect my child to either.

Of course I feel for the child who had this problem, but really, what can another parent do about that? Nothing.

There is a child here saying that there is something unpleasant putting him off two of his most important subjects every day. I don't think that should just be ignored by the people who are supposed to care the most about his education.

If something is said, then perhaps the teacher can do something about it. Maybe the other parent could provide changes of clothes and a pack of wipes and the child could be allowed to change when he needs to. If there is a medical problem, the other children could be informed and talked to so that they are able to be more understanding of the issues.

I'm not looking for a reason just to be horrible for the sake of it!

the clean pants and trousers thing is only half the battle. it will be his skin and everything. ds has to shower in the mornings because he wets from his knees up to his head (pillow and all) through his pull-ups at night.

the stale ammonia smell only disappears with bathing, and i doubt school have the time or the inclination (or the supervision) to shower him and ensure he's changing etc.

i have no idea how you would enforce it with a 9/ 10 yo. i doubt it's possible.

i'd be interested in any ideas though!

I probably would mention it in a sensitive way as it is affecting your child's work. You can be sympathetic to the issue whilst still wanting to make sure your child isn't suffering as well, the two aren't mutually exclusive.

Is every on MN tonight only seeing in black and white?

one of ds's gps suggested boarding school.

Madwoman - of course you do, he's your child!

I'm not completely clueless, my ds has AS and has been the one who never smiles, never gets invited to parties and has ended up on the outskirts because of the way he is. I know it's not nice.

But just because I have a piece of paper with an official diagnosis doesn't mean I can expect other children to fit in with everything he needs. They have needs, and issues, of their own.

i am quite sure the child has spare clothes there. Anyone who has been through this will know all about it and the humiliation of carrying out all the dirty clothes and having to return clean sets the next day. Feeling that every other parent was noticing how many bags of smelly clothes he was carrying. Sometimes he would hide them at school and a couple of times they were then found after he had gone and given to other parents to drop off at our house. Can you imagine the total humiliation - probably not just think it might make your car smell.

Our worst was 4 full sets in one day including shirts and sweatshirts other than the days when i was called in to collect him as soiled. Just imagine if your child had smelt constantly for years - the impact it has on family life, visits, social interaction, friendships. All from people who dont want to be near smell. Plenty someone else can do same as for any one who has a problem - show compassion and dont judge.

Anyway you find out who your friends are.

I would mention it (just in case she actually can't smell and isn't aware) but I would also speak to my son , as you have , and tell him to find something about this boy that does appeal to him .

Poor sod it must be awful for him , I know a grown up that was "the smelly kid" and still has issues because of it .

they do. and one of them is to develop tolerance for situations beyond their control.

socially ds1 is fine - and so far no-one has mentioned the fact that he stinks of stale wee, so he's getting away with it nicely.

dd2 has far more social issues.

i'm just hanging around to see if anyone has got any good ideas, really. so far the various schools have been at a loss.

Would you say nothing then if you had to work whilst smelling stale urine all day?

so you're not a teacher slavetofilofax? Didn't you know it is a perk of the job ?...

The teacher is likely to be aware of it but I would still mention it as a concern - not for your DS, but concern for the child and that others in the class are noticing.

I had a sixth former in one my classes once who had dreadful toileting issues and smelt. The other students were very vocal about it. Let's hope this little boy can get help now before he gets to secondary school and faces children who are far less polite over it and make his life horrid.

BTW I can understand why your DS wouldn't like it. When I had had this older boy in my class it really was unpleasant wven with windows open. I admit that - because I did know it was being looked into with his form tutor, etc - I had an air freshner to try and neutrilise the air afterwards, once he was out of sight obviously.

I would presume that a child of that age who constantly smells of an kind of excrement:

a. has a complicated medical issue;
b. is neglected at home;
c. has toilet issues due to anxiety, etc.

Mention it to the teacher, most definitely, but out of concern for the other child. If it is a medical issue then they will - or shouldbe - aware of it, and therefore need to treat the class the way they would with any child who has an issue or is different (eg focus on tolerance, understanding of others, etc)

If they don't know about it, myb they haven't picked it up, which sends child protection alam bells ringing loud and clear in my teacher-mind.

Then speak to your son. This should be being dealt with one way or another, for the sake of everyone involved, but most especially for that poor little boy who will know that everyone is talking about him.

Poor child, I am sure the teacher is aware..sounds as though he has a medical problem. Mention it to the teacher and perhaps your son could be rotated around discreetly so he does not have to sit there the whole time.
There will always be children in a classroom who may not be as clean as others or may have problems at home...that is society I am afraid.

I can't see whats wrong in quietly mentioning it to the teacher, just in case they are not aware, could prevent further embarassment for the poor child.

I would also ask my DC not to mention it to the child himself. Just a quiet word between you and the teacher can't hurt?

madwoman -

Did your child have faecal impaction? My son was soiling and wetting up to 10 times each per day. After 6 months on movicol (highest dose) it is cleared and he is regaining bowel and bladder control. We had horrendous time with misdiagnosis though but now appear to have a good paed and have had no accidents at school since Sept.

My life feels transformed and the reduction in washing amazing so there is hope. Presume this is what you have tried? What about diet/allergy tests/coeliac as we have tested for all of those? Are you happy with your paed as there appears to be huge lack of knowledge about the problems?

I'm a nursery teacher as it goes, I work in a school reception class. I am perfectly capable of thinking of the feelings of both the smelly child, and the child that has to endure whole lessons with the smell of stale urine.

constipation - jury still out. impaction was dxed a year or two ago (he had x-rays, ultrasounds and blood tests which apparently ruled out coeliac, although i am not convinced) and we instigated new toileting routine etc. new paed currently working on 3 issues which overlap - the actual wetting/ soiling (poss encopresis), a potential inattention/ distraction complication (she's calling it add for ease, but this has been ruled in/ out previously) and an anxiety/ phobia issue (refusal to toilet outside of the home/ routine). she's ignoring the night time enuresis totally, as it's not worth looking at yet.

he's been seeing the school counsellor for two years, but is extremely adept at changing the subject. next step poss psych eval.

i'm on the GAPS thread - in liaison with paed, but she wants to continue the enemas/ laxative 6 times daily toileting routine for another month. he says he's using the toilets at school, but i doubt he is. paed says he has another month to prove it or she liaises directly with school - this increases anxiety and makes it worse though. i'm pretty certain there are dietary links... complicated by the fact he barely eats at school either.

I am not sure about this after reading some of the other posters replies. Perhaps someone with expereince can comment on if my thoughts areunreasonable?

I would have thought that it was unfair to expect a child to sit next to another who was smelling of urine and had wet clothes (possibly making the chairs wet?) I would have thought it was a hygiene problem.

I would have expected the child if they were wetting daily to be wearing incontience pads/pants of sone kind and be provided access to a disabled toilet to change these as and when required.

Actually the school should be doing more to manage this , I know people who are incontinent and they have no reason to smell , fresh pee doesn't smell . But if they don't have anything in place to keep him clean and in fresh clothes then they should have .

If he is wet then he wouldn't smell , it isn't until it dries that it would be smelly .

A child (or adult) should not be left in wet clothes until they dry and become smelly for more reasons than just being an inconvenience to others .

Poor sod must be red and sore .

Fresh pee does smell if the child has a water infection or kidney problems and what about the children who arrive on a morning already smelling of urine travellingwilbury?