Ds sits next to kid who stinks of pee ; should I mention to the teacher?

[DrNortherner]

Ds is in Year 5. In Maths and Science he sits next to this boy who clearly has toilet issues. Every day ds complains he smells of stale wee and it puts him off.

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain. I reckon the teacher will already know this kid stinks of wee so is it worth mentioning?

FWIW, most days I see this boy he comes out of school with a wet patch on his trousers

Dh is of the 'Hey, this boy stinks and it's not fair my ds has to sit next to him every day' stance where as I am a little more diplomatic...

Any advice on how to tackle?

If they arrive already smelling then that is of course an issue to be discussed with parents and sorted out .

I also understand that a urine infection would smell but either way I am sure there are ways of managing this that would help .

I just feel sad for the kid that nothing else he seems to be is mentioned other than he "smells of pee"

travellingwilbury and if the issue has been discussed with the parents and with social services and with family support and with the school nurse and with every agency going but the child still smells then what?
We are there to teach and sometimes we just have to get on with the unpleasant things.

oh and we even had someone going into the home to do the washing so the child's clothes were clean and not the source of the smell.

mrz , I actually am on your side , I was just saying that it is stale pee that smells and not fresh pee .

You obviously have been through this as a teacher and I have only been on the other side , as in dealing with people with continence issues .

Either side needs to think of the other aspects .

There should be facilities in place for children who have accidents to get changed into spare clothes - either from home or through spares at school - and to wipe themselves over too. And if the teacher knows the child is wet then they should be sent over to get changed discreetly as much as possible. We would never dream of leaving a child in wet clothes once noticed.

Most schools have washing machines too so if there is a problem re home, then it is also often possible to launder the child's clothes at school for them.

I'm actually on the child's side and I wish there was a simple answer to the problem. There was days last year when I was embarrassed if visitors came into the room.

and yes Everlong I am an adult and I spent 12 months putting up with it.

Has ds only been sitting next to him since September? I ask because I remember sitting next to a boy when I was as school (we're going back some time now) and the smell would sometimes be very strong indeed. Very quickly I became used to it - I know it didn't go away because a new girl starting late in the year commented on it. He was a lovely boy - lots of fun and a bit cheeky to the teachers, and that's the thing I remember about him - not the smell.

Oh poor little sod.

I definitely agree with just mentioning it to the teacher - in no way complaining - just on the very small off chance that s/he isn't aware, but I would imagine they do.

I don't see why everyone is getting so arsey with filofax when she is just looking at both sides of the story.

Not nice for the boy with problems, but also not nice for the boy who is being put off his work by it.

Saying it is different if it is an adult is surely nonsense- a child will be just as bothered by the smell as an adult, so why should it be ok for an adult to complain about smelly workmates but a child just has to put up and shut up? It doesn't matter to the child WHY the smell is there, just that it is.

A good opportunity to talk to your son about tolerance though, and perhaps encourage him to be a friend for the little boy with issues, if he can.

Mrz, you put up with it because it's your own child.

But before you had to dealy with this with your own child, would you honestly have not been bothered by it if it was someone you didn't love dearly but were forced to sit next to on a regular basis?

A good opportunity to talk to your son about tolerance though, and perhaps encourage him to be a friend for the little boy with issues, if he can

Absolutely.

Thank you jade.

I very much agree with your last sentence.

my son had a constant damp patch as he had no bladder control he could have changed twenty times a day and would still have smelt. As it was he spent most of his first 2 years at school going to and from loo or hiding so no one noticed he was wet - what a total waste of time. Just be glad you have healthy children. I had to become immune to constant wee and poo.

i may have misunderstood but i thought mrz was talking about heer role as a teacher, not mum.

slavetofilofax it isn't my child! I'm the bliddy teacher!

I do understand the OP's concerns but am at a lost at what to do with my DS.

He had most of his small intestine removed shortly after birth and now has what is called Short Gut Syndrome. Anything he eats passes through him very, very quickly and sometimes he will poo himself. Imagine having a very upset tum and being told you cannot go to the loo when you need to. This has happened to DS three times and he is called names at school. I have been to the school to discuss this and each year I am told it won't happen again. He is now in Year 2 and I have just been to the school again because his new teacher did not let him go and he shat himself in class. I don't actually blame the teacher, I blame the communication between the SN co-ordinatator and the teacher.

But, my darling boy is now known as "Shitty Pants". Fucking breaks my heart. My feelings are nothing compared to how my boy feels.

Oh sorry! My misunderstanding. I really should read posts properly! My apologies.

But in that case, surely you are better placed to understand how unpleasant it is for other people, as well as being unpleasant for the child himself. You probably don't like it, but it's one of the things that can come with your job, same as it could come with mine. We would be being paid to be there. We would have accepted that this is one of the side effects of working with children, and chosen to do it anyway.

Op's ds doesn't have that choice, he is forced to cope with it.

As a teacher, wouldn't you be worried about the impact that a constant (in certain lessons) strong smell would have on your other students? OP's son is actually saying that it's putting him off.

I know my ds would really struggle and it would be a genuine problem for him, rather than just being something slightly uncomfortable, because of the sensory issues that go along with his AS.

I have someone in my tutor group who had similar problems at primary. I remember reading his file when he came to us at secondary.

Its been one of my real pleasures that he has had very few incidences at school since joining us and, now in the upper school, he is really coming into his own. Its no longer an issue for him.

I do think its worth remembering that we are lucky if we do not have such basic human functions to worry about.

'Shitty pants' by year 2 children??

That's awful!

ElectricZombie - what an awful situation, have you made your concerns known to the governors of the school. There's no excuse for such appalling lack of communication.