Ds sits next to kid who stinks of pee ; should I mention to the teacher?

[DrNortherner]

Ds is in Year 5. In Maths and Science he sits next to this boy who clearly has toilet issues. Every day ds complains he smells of stale wee and it puts him off.

Parents eve is soon and dh says we should complain. I reckon the teacher will already know this kid stinks of wee so is it worth mentioning?

FWIW, most days I see this boy he comes out of school with a wet patch on his trousers

Dh is of the 'Hey, this boy stinks and it's not fair my ds has to sit next to him every day' stance where as I am a little more diplomatic...

Any advice on how to tackle?

The same parents who wanted my son excluded for hygeine reasons also complained about another child smelling of smoke. The child has now left the school after family were totally ostracized for 2 years. Child was year one so presumably it was passive smoking.

I dont think parents fake addresses/move house/rent to get their children into our outstanding school to allow them in a class with anyone who smells or in fact has any other issues. Zero inclusivity. I should name the school as it sounds like it would suit many MNs.

Constipation - I think you may be right - I remember a friend of mine having to pop into school to sort out a "situation". Showering may sound a good idea but raises lots of issues I'm sure.

Look, I am not wanting the child expelled, I do not ostrerice (sp?) his Mother, in fact I go out of my way to chat if I see her standing alone, and ds is friendly with this boy and he has been to many of my ds's birthday parties. I am not slagging the kid and his Mother off to other parents I simply asked if it was worth mentioning to his teacher.

We are not horrible, unsympathetic or uncaring.

OP, I think all you can do is talk to your son about compassion and encourage him to appreciate the fact that he doesn't have to deal with personal hygiene problems of this type. I certainly don't think it is appropriate to bring it up a patents evening. What is the teacher supposed to do? Exclude the poor child? Or simply ensure that it is only your precious dalring who never has to sit next to him?

Or find out why there's a problem and maybe try out some things that could help?

I'm sure the school, know there's a problem already.

The word is ostracise.

I am not going to insist my ds does not sit next to him. I've already said why I debating about mentioning it. Ds needs help in these 2 areas, particularly Maths, his teacher has been giving me feedback that he is not paying much attention, I feel it may be relevant to discuss my childs feelings with his teacher.

I've already said I'm sure the school probably know......but there is a slim chance they don't.

I have to laugh at some of the solutions on here even though they are all helpful in their own way...the olbas oil is a good one! Lavendar oil is even better as long as it's only a dab!!!
I think the best solution is to approach the teacher and ask if Ds could change around his seating arrangement for a while. The poor child who smells needs to be helped in some way...be it a change of clothing or extra washing...his parents may already be aware of all this and doing their best, on the other hand they may just be neglecting him...we are not in a position to judge.
The school needs to investigate sensitively if they have not already done so. I have spent many years in classrooms and the smells sometimes would make you gag!! It can be particularly bad if you are pregnant..so I do have my total sympathies for a child who has to spend time sitting next to one who smells a bit.

I may be -well, I known am- a nasty cynical person, but I have been a parent for 16 years and a very involved aunt for 35 and if any of my NT children or nieces or nephews, when asked why they weren't paying attention in Maths said "because the child next to me is a bit smelly" my bullshit detector would go into overdrive!

I think you ought to raise the issue at parents' evening for the sake of your DS' education and see if a solution can be found.

Twenty years ago I attended primary school where some of the children, myself included, were from very deprived backgrounds. As I was top of the class by some considerable distance the teacher used to use me as a TA in the afternoons.

This meant I was sitting at the bottom table with quite a few children who happened to have hygiene problems, one girl in particular smelt absolutely foul. I still recall being on the receiving end of a stern telling off from the teacher for not paying attention - and the rest of the class laughing at me - for not being able to answer a simple question.

I think now the teacher should have been a little more sympathetic as it was the height of summer and I couldn't concentrate because I was feeling sick from the stench but was far too polite to say anything. I still remember it to this day!

So what I'm trying to say is, if the smell is really bothering him then it is affecting his education. If this were happening to my child I would be doing my best to resolve the problem.

I don't mean to sound harsh, I would have every sympathy for the child with the hygiene issue but at the end of the day my if my child's education was suffering I'd do something about it.

I think you should metion it.if the child is regularly incontinent , then some sort of system needs to be put in place for him to deal with it-incontinence products, wipes etc.He can't be allowed to go atound 'stinking at' people everyday for his own dignity and for everyone's comfort
Presumably the school are satisfied that the root caase-physical or behavioural is being dealt with .But the symptoms need to be dealt with in the meantime The more people complain the more the school can use leverage agaist the outside agencies who might be able to provide funding and expertise to deal with this problem.

however as seeker says I think there is a strong possibility your DC might be exaggerating!!

It's more complicated than that though Seeker. If it's something you're struggling to engage with it's easier to get distracted...Having just sat through a two hour meeting on a very dull subject next to someone with awful BO who kept putting their hand up when they wanted to talk...I spent most of the meeting trying not to think about the smell and not listening to the fascinating presentation.

Sometimes, the clothes smell of pee if they have not been dried properly (have been drying in a room for a few days). It has happened to me too and then you need to rewash the item (s). So could be pee and could be just another problem.

The Op says his trousers have a wet patch on them though,loveF&V

You said that this child has been to your DS's parties and that you're friendly with his Mum. Could you arrange to take him swimming after school once a week? Perhaps the day before your son has to share a classroom with him?

Remember things may not be totally confidential in the school whatever you intend, well it certainly is not in ours.

If your child gets moved seat and there is mention that someone has complained the boys mother may well be aware that it is you and no knowing how she will react.

I certainly will never ever forgive those mothers who complained about my son. In fact a year later I still incredibly strongly about it and from some of the emotive responses here I doubt I would be alone.

Op has said that she gets on ok with the Mum, but in her position, I'd be prepared to take my chances.

I can stick up for myself against another Mum that is oblivious to the effect her child's condition is having on other people, but my son can't do anything. He is a child too.

Constipation- Why did you allow your child to be wetting himself and snmelly.Why didn't you send him in pull-ups? I did that with my DD who had similat problems through faecal impaction?
Nobody knew because she changed for PE in the toilets

ohhhhhh, so it doesn't smell if you use pull-ups?

drn, just wanted to say i don't have any issues with your op - it is a difficult subject and i do understand why you wanted to discuss it.

ds1 won't wear pull-ups to school. he just wouldn't go. which would probably fix slavetofilofax's issues with getting rid of the stinky kid, but would do zero in terms of reducing his anxiety and phobic behaviours and building up his confidence.

I never said 'get rid of the stinky kid'

I said that it is not right that any child has to put up with a strong unpleasent smell for all of their lessons in two important subjects, and something should be done about it. Which it should.

I have worked in close contact with incontinent adults in the past, there is no need for them to smell if the situation is managed properly.

Constipation-No wet nappies and Pull-ups don't seem to smell as quickly as peed clothes.I'm guessing it's the crystal things perhaps keep the urine from being in contact with the air and hence turning stale.Don't know I'm no scientist

constipation - in fact there would be no market for incontinence products if this weren't the case would there?