9 year old daughter bathing with dad?

[August21yellowbaby]

I'm not saying I think this is "wrong" but sometimes I do feel like maybe there is an age where this should stop? My husband has a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage and they still bath together, she has developed without going into too much detail. I do feel slightly uncomfortable with it because I don't see it ending anytime soon and I worry she will be 14 still bathing with him. When I started to go through physical changes I wouldn't even be naked infront of my mum, I worry she's abit too open and I worry maybe she doesn't see the importance of privacy? Her mother has a new boyfriend and I worry she is this open around him too

This is wrong. He needs to realise it's inappropriate, why would he even want to?

No it is not.

It is a normal one.

Thank you!

We wouldn't show a child a photo of a naked man with his penis out, as we know it would traumatise them.

So why would we expect any child to look at an adult naked male, and not be traumatised.

Right let's just play this rule of thumb out. If she was happy to shower with dad at 14, and so was dad, that's fine then?

These scenarios are not the same - your husband is not getting into the bath with your daughter like the OPs husband is getting into the bath with his daughter AND you said your daughter has not started developing yet, while the OPs stepdaughter has "she has developed without going into too much detail"

OP kids start learning about sex ed in year 5/6 - there is a reason its this age. Sorry but a developed girl and her father in a bath together - baths aren't that big its very weird to me sorry.

What you said is it’s never ok for a child to see their Dad naked. Clearly this is not correct. Raising some thing with your DSL is not the same as reporting things to SS.

She is too old at 9 to be bathing or showering with her father. Stop this.

I'm very chilled about this stuff, but 9 is too old for this. Appropriate cut off is couple of years before.

when i have been on safeguarding training , bathing with a child has been used as an example, where participants discuss the maximum age, and then the instructor has used it to illustrate that peopl have different opinions as to what is normal.

a friend of mine had this exact scenario with her partner and his DD was 10 at the time. it seemed to have genuinely not occurred to him that it could be considered weird because he and his ex babied the girl to such an extent that she didn’t even cut her own food up at home (because knives are too dangerous!). Needless to say once friend pointed out how bonkers their general approach was and how the bathing in particular could be viewed it stopped pretty quickly.

I honestly don't think I could be with someone who thinks having their naked 9 year old child lie on top their naked body in a cramped space is acceptable.

Baths are small, theres no way they aren't touching... all kinds of seriously fucked up.

And before anyone says 'but its dad and daughter, your sick minded' most childhood sexual assault (35%+) are incestuous or an abuse of opportunistic family power (step parents/grandparents, in laws, parents boy/girlfriend, close family friends known to the child as 'aunt/uncle' etc... 60%). So most child sex abusers are trusted members of a child's family.

Maybe show him the thread op 🤔 so he can see the different opinions. Maybe he hasn't realised.
Although why he would want his 9 year old daughter to see him naked is beyond me .

Not right at all, stopped when my DC were about 2, 9 is way too old, very concerning

Do you understand the term "rule of thumb"? It means a general principle, not a law to be used in every single instance, however extreme.

Hmm. As someone who's period started at 11 was far more self conscious about this than stepchild!
The cut off for opposite sex in changing rooms is eight which is a good guide.

My 5 year old won't even bathe with her little brothers anymore let alone her dad. I think it's weird. Not that she wants to but that he even entertains it. And when I say weird I mean in a pervy way.

@gamerchick I'm beginning to think this too. The OP hasn't been back.

I think you're wrong.
This OP has a long posting history.

why is this happening and why isn’t her dad stopping it? It’s completely inappropriate. Not just for their relationship but for her to understand boundaries with others.

How the fuck do they both fit? They must be squashed all over each other. Nah.

I don't have the same horrified reaction as some people here. I'd wonder if they can both put bathing suits on for example if this is precious chill out time for them. I think it's probably worth a chat with him to protect both dad and DD but I'm not disgusted.

Exactly. Op you know this is wrong. Hopefully you’re not back as you’re dealing with it.

This. Unimaginable. I have four kids. Three are girls. Just no