9 year old daughter bathing with dad?

[August21yellowbaby]

I'm not saying I think this is "wrong" but sometimes I do feel like maybe there is an age where this should stop? My husband has a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage and they still bath together, she has developed without going into too much detail. I do feel slightly uncomfortable with it because I don't see it ending anytime soon and I worry she will be 14 still bathing with him. When I started to go through physical changes I wouldn't even be naked infront of my mum, I worry she's abit too open and I worry maybe she doesn't see the importance of privacy? Her mother has a new boyfriend and I worry she is this open around him too

That's unsettling. I don't think I ever bathed with my mum or dad when I was young at all. I find it odd and creepy that she's hitting puberty and they're still doing it! Big nope from me. He needs to be told about the implications of this. And that it needs to be stopped now.

Next time they have a bath, take a chair and sit and chat with them see if the vibe changes. In my years of supervising children changing in swimming pools once they hit puberty they wrap towels round themselves, interestingly it was children with learning difficulties who didn’t.

A NT 9 year old with no SN might need help with hair washing but they definitely don’t need ‘bathing’ by anyone and they shouldn’t be in a bath or shower with an adult.

I have a "young" 9 year old. This wouldn't bother her. But my husband doesn't get involved with her baths/showers and hasn't for a couple of years now. He feels she's too old and it's not appropriate. It just isn't a thing.

the language you use is interesting. Like it's all on the 9 year old to impose the boundary. He should know better.

So wrong in my opinion with opposite sex parent I think this should stop by 5/6.

It's made me feel a little weird even reading it.

Mums bathing with a pubescent girl is not the same as dads bathing with a pubescent girl.

This is also weird.

Some of these responses are heartbreaking, and a few are downright disgusting.

It's abhorrent that a lot of these responses assume some kind of paedophilia rather than just a dad who's close to his daughter.

That's far more of a problem than OPs post.

It's weird and overbearing.

"Oh I dont want them to but they insist" - you can say no...

What do you think would happen if your dsd told a teacher at school "When I stay at my dad's, he gets in the bath with me?"

Dad Bathing with a 9 year old daughter is not OK at this age.
Washing DDs hair whilst she is in the bath if she wants help or popping in to supervise etc is OK.
I think you need to discuss boundaries and privacy as she's growing up, otherwise it could lead to her being vulnerable.
I would definitely be in bathroom at same time to check on them. Your DH could also leave himself open to allegations.
Is this DC lead or lead by DH, does she have any SEN or possible SEN?
I think your instincts that this isn't right are correct

We’re a fairly open family in terms of nudity. But 6yo DS doesn’t like cuddling me in the morning if I’m naked (often sleep naked). I find it quite odd that a 9yo would feel comfortable with this.

I think it’s too old. I used to bath with my mum but only until about 6 or 7. I never bathed with my dad but did go into the same swimming pool changing room until about the same age.

I’m pretty sure that legally children of different sexes are supposed to have their own bedrooms from age 9 (someone might be able to correct me on the age). So I think that shows bodily changes are generally starting to happen and children need their privacy. I think it’s fine to help a child of that age in the bath/shower, but only if they need it and no need for the parent to be naked

You've misread what I'm saying. The post is about a dad bathing with his daughter. Some of the replies say 'oh but I do that', well, it's a completely different dynamic and shouldn't be used as a comparison. Plenty of countries have sex segregated communal bathing as part of their culture. What they don't do is have dads with pubescent girls.

Sorry you’re right. I have misread. Apologies. I was referring to mums bathing with sons.

I was thinking the same thing, there must be some pretty gi-normous bath tubs out these.

between the age of 3 & 5, 9 is far far too old, she will start to think being in front a naked man is normal and being naked infront of a man is normal and then she will be heading into puberty and sexual feelings,,,,,,,'but it's normal for us both to be naked at 10/11 because i do it with my dad'

Seems wrong

And sad to say the dad needs to protect his self

It sounds innocent

But no need

And yes if school found out it would be a safe guarding issue

It's abhorrent that a lot of these responses assume some kind of paedophilia rather than just a dad who's close to his daughter.

It’s about boundaries. It’s not assuming nefarious intent from the father, it’s teaching your children about personal boundaries and what is appropriate to keep them safe. It’s not appropriate for her father so it’s also not appropriate for her stepfather/mother’s boyfriend or her uncle when she stays over at her cousin’s house or her friend’s dad.

Agree

It's a real hostage to fortune and it needs to stop.

DD needs to learn that other people have boundaries too, and just because somebody doesn't want to do something, it's not a dig at them.

He can offer her another kind of dad / daughter closeness instead after he tells her.

To be fair, unless I’ve missed it, the OP doesn’t indicate that the dad has actually attempted to stop it.

My young and pre-puberty 8yr old would still happily jump in the bath with her father. She’s totally innocent and doesn’t have a shred of concern at being naked in front of us, and will happily walk in for a chat when I’m in the bath/shower, or her father is.

I wouldn’t assume anything deviant was happening, I think some of the PP are being a touch excessive with their language, but I do think that now she has started puberty it’s probably best that she has some more privacy and the ability to have boundaries as she wants them.

Inappropriate. He needs to start encouraging privacy. At 9 some children are beginning or about begin puberty.

The fact OP hasn't been back to the thread is making me wonder if this is genuine or just posted by an utter creep. Yuk