9 year old daughter bathing with dad?

[August21yellowbaby]

I'm not saying I think this is "wrong" but sometimes I do feel like maybe there is an age where this should stop? My husband has a 9 year old daughter from a previous marriage and they still bath together, she has developed without going into too much detail. I do feel slightly uncomfortable with it because I don't see it ending anytime soon and I worry she will be 14 still bathing with him. When I started to go through physical changes I wouldn't even be naked infront of my mum, I worry she's abit too open and I worry maybe she doesn't see the importance of privacy? Her mother has a new boyfriend and I worry she is this open around him too

Yes, weird and not right. Whose idea is this, his or hers? Why would either of them really want to do this? I'm amazed the girl feels comfortable with it.

No it is not okay.

It should have stopped many, many, many years ago.

It is not the child's responsibility.

It is very weird and very wrong and a 100% safeguarding issue.

You need to speak to him - and it needs to stop today.

Feels like it'd time it stopped imo. Her being comfortable being naked around her dad wouldn't bother me in appropriate context (ie helping with her hair) and him being perhaps naked while changing or something in a matter of fact way but him being naked and literally in the bath with her feels wrong and inappropriate. I'm not saying its not totally innocent but he should consider, if she told people at school her dad shares her bath I suspect it could end badly for him.

If she likes it then I guess it's fine, it's private really. Unless you genuinely think he's a paedo in which case you shouldn't be with him.
I didn't bath with my dad but did like to 'help' in the bath, splashing water, running the taps, just mucking about innocently, washing his back etc. But obviously he was naked. And he would be in the room when I bathed sometimes. This was upto the age of about 9. Then naturally when puberty kicks in I'd say kids grow out of wanting their parents either in the room or in the actual bath.

Nobody should be bathing or showering with a 9 year old that is far to old

My daughter still sometimes pops in the bath with me at 11 but not with her dad since she was much much smaller. I don't think nuditiy is the issue, she'll still get dressed when he's around and he'll have showers with the door open but sharing a bath just seems a bit too much.

this is odd. nothing wrong with a daughter cuddling and kissing her dad at any age but bathing together naked is weird after about age 4/5. we only have showers in our house and when my daughters were little hubby used to get in with his pants on 😂

It's weird and how do they even fit in a normal bath together? I wouldn't fit with my six year old and I'm pretty petite.

My boys stopped bathing with me around 6 I think, mainly because there just wasn't enough room in the bath! From age 9/10 they didn't want me in the bathroom when they were bathing so I think it was just naturally wanting privacy as they got older. If she's starting to develop, I'd probably gently ask him if he thinks it's time for her to have her own bathtime for privacy?

That's totally inappropriate at her age. Neither DH nor I ever got into the bath with any of our three DDs, even when they were tiny. We just managed them from the side of it.

A 9 year old is definitely too old for this, and has probably been for quite some time. Your DH is opening himself up to all sorts of allegations if he doesn't cop on to himself here. I'd be telling him that. His DD should be well able to mostly manage herself in the bath/shower now. She isn't a baby anymore.

Perhaps he hasn't realised how much time has passed and doesn't realise that she is now growing up, fast. It needs to stop though. Now.

Why are people sexualising this? Someone even wrote it is ‘Pervy’. Being naked and even bathing with your children is quite natural.
please take some of these replies with a pinch of salt.
Yes, do talk to your DP about it if you feel uncomfortable and use your judgment as to whether there is anything untoward, but it will probably come to a natural end as your SD develops more.
Ive known people still bathe till around 10/11

Completely inappropriate.

My rule of thumb is that these things should stop when either party feels uncomfortable. Am assuming the 9 year old is okay with it, but I'm surprised your husband is. I guess he still sees her as his little girl and maybe needs it spelling out to him that she has started puberty.

This thread breaks m heart! My just 9 year old is not developed at all. She doesn’t bathe with my husband, but he bathes and washes her hair …it’s not even crossed my mind that this is inappropriate. It’s her dad and she has no qualms about it. I’m shocked at the shocked ness on this thread!!

Errrr. HELL to the no!

But respectfully. This is completely different to the situation OP is describing. Your daughter has presumably not hit puberty yet. Op's step daughter has. Your husband is bathing your daughter because presumably she is still OK with that. Op's stepdaughter is physically in the bath with her father and presumably may also see his genital region too!! Sorry you're heartbroken but the two situations are not comparable in the slightest.

9 is to old. You need to say something to your partner.

Of course this is wrong. It is entirely inappropriate and abusive even if OP’s DH doesn’t “know” it. There isn’t a bright line between bad paedophiles and somehow accidental ones. He is not teaching her proper boundaries with adult males, he is encouraging her to have inappropriate self exposure to a trusted adult. How will she know to complain if an older man approaches her sexually in the future.

The DH isn’t just “laying himself open to the charge of abusing her by people who don’t know” as an innocent poster said upthread—he is actively abusing her innocence now for his own benefit.

How does that even work? How does a grown man and a 9 year old fit in the bathtub together? Or do you mean they enter the shower cubicle together?

Either way it’s unnecessary. Even if it is driven by her, he needs to put boundaries in place and explain that now she’s growing up, they can no longer bathe together. My kids are toddlers and I’ve never once had a shower/bath with them so I don’t have first hand experience. But judging by the comments, this isn’t ‘normal’

9 is much too old for this. I started my periods when I was 9. This is unsettling. Sorry OP.

It’s DH’s responsibility to put boundaries in place… even if she is comfortable now she may look back at this and feel wrong. She might well wonder why the hell her dad allowed it - after all, a child is not always best placed to make decisions about their own welfare/ well being.
Children don’t always naturally grow into Boundaries/ growing up/ independence, it’s the parents job to ensure the child enters adolescence and adulthood appropriately.
This needs to stop.

That's not appropriate at all

My dds bathed with their dad up to age 1 but he wore shorts.

I've never done it and never wanted to.

Why are you comparing your situation with the OP when it’s very evidently not the same thing?

I also find it worrying that you say her mum has a new boyfriend and you worry that the young girl is this open around him too. I sincerely hope this isn’t the case otherwise her family need to do a much better job in getting her to create boundaries