Preteens
DD has sent another child inappropriate messages
Realitea · 11/08/2022 17:36
I feel absolutely awful about this. Dd is 11 and I just found out she’s been sending very rude messages to a boy in the year below. I’ve spoken to the mum. I felt so upset for her, me, the boy..
Dd has only had this phone for about six months and I thought I’d put all the parental blocking stuff on there. I remember doing it.
All her friends have phones but I just can’t let her have one now if she’s going to act so inappropriately. Why has she done this and what do I say to her when she gets home later? Anyone have any experience on how to handle this? There’s also a lot of really nasty bullying towards her and another girl on one of the apps they use.
MakeadealwithGod · 11/08/2022 17:37
Do you want to get the title changed from dad to dd?
PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 17:40
Parental blocks won't stop her sending messages unless you've specifically set that up
And not sure why you would as that's usually the point of a phone
Clearly she has proven she isn't ready for a phone. So it goes away for a while, if not a year+
On why did she do it? Why do kids so any of the weird and mean shit they do.
Maybe she was bored, annoyed, thought it would be funny.
lovesunshine247 · 11/08/2022 17:41
I wouldn't remove the phone completely, but I would have a conversation with her about how to use her phone more responsibly and maybe stop her from using the app that is causing the problems
gamerchick · 11/08/2022 17:42
You take the phone away. She's too young emotionally to handle online life.
Be a parent. Take the tantrum on the chin
Tigerteafor3 · 11/08/2022 17:44
I would remove the phone and work on the underlying issue. I would imagine that being bullied is leading to some of this behaviour but does not excuse it.
I would tell her that she would hope that her bully's parents take their phones away so you're doing the same until she can prove she is responsible enough.
MaggieDragon · 11/08/2022 17:46
She’s not ready for the phone. I’d take it away and reconsider in 6 months. Nokia brick if she needs it to speak to you.
NadineMumsnet · 11/08/2022 17:49
Hi OP - we've amended the title to save any confusion.
Realitea · 11/08/2022 17:52
Oh dear I managed to put dad instead of dd 😂 sorry everyone.
I agree - Nokia brick it is until she can be more responsible. Obviously too young to act responsibly and know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. It’ll save her a lot of bullying anyway by the looks of things
Realitea · 11/08/2022 17:53
I have to also make it clear by rude I mean explicit. That’s what’s shocked me the most.
MissMaple82 · 11/08/2022 17:58
NadineMumsnet · 11/08/2022 17:49
Hi OP - we've amended the title to save any confusion.
It's still Dad
MissMaple82 · 11/08/2022 17:59
I've had a similar thing happen, police ended up getting involved a d both kids got a stern telling off - seemed to do the trick
Coughee · 11/08/2022 18:02
Sexually explicit messages at 11?? You need to have a good look at that phone and see what she's been looking at or been exposed to. I would also want to start with a gentle chat first to check whether anything concerning has happened
Realitea · 11/08/2022 18:09
@GrazingSheep the parent of the boy called me and told me. I’ve never been so upset in my life. Dd knows I have the passcode to the phone and that we can check whenever we want so I can’t believe she’s done this. I thought any kind of adult stuff was blocked using the parental filters
NerrSnerr · 11/08/2022 18:13
You still need to check what she's doing with parental controls. Is anything else going on? Does she mix with older children?
itsgettingweird · 11/08/2022 18:13
I agree about a chat.
I'd start asking her if she knows what "xxxx" means taking something she's said.
Also have you seen the stream of messages? Is it a 2 way thing or is she just sending the messages randomly?
Neither is ok but context is often the key.
I also agree with being worried about what she's been exposed to to have such language at that age.
Tinaaaaarrrghhh · 11/08/2022 18:15
When you say explicit do you mean like seating to a boy she likes or is she trying to insult or bully the boy with some kind of sexual language?
Pieceofpurplesky · 11/08/2022 18:16
Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?
Tinaaaaarrrghhh · 11/08/2022 18:17
Pieceofpurplesky · 11/08/2022 18:16
Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?
@Pieceofpurplesky
Shes 11 and in 7th grade. Who doesn’t know all about explicit terms and (I assume in this day and age) have seen quite a bit of adult online stuff out of curiosity by this time even if not on their own phone?
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 11/08/2022 18:19
No parental block will stop photos being taken and shared or text being typed into an SMS and sent.
You can block download of apps, in app purchases, viewing explicit content in the browser apps and set limits on screen time etc.
PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 18:20
Pieceofpurplesky · 11/08/2022 18:16
Wow. Where is she seeing/hearing this explicit stuff - does she have her phone unsupervised?
Why do you think an 11 year old wouldn't understand or know about explicit topics?
PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 18:21
Hopeandlove · 11/08/2022 17:59
Explicit in a sexual way?
take the phone full stop.
What other way would it be taken?
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