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DD has sent another child inappropriate messages

119 replies

Realitea · 11/08/2022 17:36

I feel absolutely awful about this. Dd is 11 and I just found out she’s been sending very rude messages to a boy in the year below. I’ve spoken to the mum. I felt so upset for her, me, the boy..
Dd has only had this phone for about six months and I thought I’d put all the parental blocking stuff on there. I remember doing it.
All her friends have phones but I just can’t let her have one now if she’s going to act so inappropriately. Why has she done this and what do I say to her when she gets home later? Anyone have any experience on how to handle this? There’s also a lot of really nasty bullying towards her and another girl on one of the apps they use.

OP posts:

WhippedSoap · 12/08/2022 10:45

It's all just so sad. An 11yo little girl, with all sorts going on in her life, nobody protecting her and not feeling like she has anyone to tell.


Fraaahnces · 12/08/2022 10:48

Take it to the police! This is awful!


jammiewhammie65 · 12/08/2022 10:52

Realitea · 11/08/2022 19:05

She loves to listen to music and had the Apple Music thing set up so she would play in the garden listening to music for a long time without messaging people. Even the children younger than her all have mobile phones it’s crazy. It’ll be even harder when she starts high school in September. I’m standing by it though. I don’t want her having a phone if she isn’t mature enough to know what’s right or wrong.

She can still have an iPod or something for her music. I think you are doing the right thing to wait a year before another phone. Just a basic to make calls is fine but you will still need to keep an eye on the messages she's sending and receiving. Bloody phones ! Horrible how fast kids grow up these days. I was still on my roller skates and going swimming at 11


jammiewhammie65 · 12/08/2022 10:55

Realitea · 12/08/2022 08:51

Bit of an update here. I went through the phone for hours last night and found someone who I’ve never heard of. She gave him access to her password and he is probably who sent those messages. He sent her explicit things and I could see she then googled them to find what they meant. He has sent messages to others saying he has access to the account and sent photos from her private snaps from me, her brother (ds) and all sorts. He knows everything about us down to where we all work and which school dd is going to. Really creeped out now.

Close all of them accounts down. Delete theM all. His parents need to know what his doing aswell and I would think it's illegal to hack someon and then send inappropriate messages positing as them. Nasty boy


Whirlygiggles · 12/08/2022 11:01

OP I hope you have now contacted the police.

I really think there needs to be an age restriction for smart phones. Children should not have them.

It would save so much bullying and inappropriate behaviour.

It is a massive safeguarding risk.

Maybe 16 and over?


Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:10

I’ve been told there’s not much they can do. They don’t have the resources to try and track the person. Unbelievable. I’ll just remove any access to the internet and warn the other parents - and report him to the app

OP posts:

Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:11

Thanks a bunch @WhippedSoap - do you realise how many kids have these phones? At least I found out and acted on it!

OP posts:

Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:13

There is a great video resource on YouTube from think you know- internet safety group. If you look it up type 'think you know internet safety primary' the video is of a girl with a social media profile that is open to the public and attracts unwanted attention. It's age appropriate. The secondary version is really hard hitting so I would suggest this one to show to your daughter. It outlines the safety concerns and what to do if you are in this situation.

I showed it to my SS when he had problems- the message worked.


Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:18


MinnieMouseclubhouse · 12/08/2022 11:18

@Realitea when you say "you've been told there's not much they can do" do you mean you have actually formally reported this to police and this is what they have said? If so - I'm really shocked. If not - definitely report it formally. They might not be able to track this guy down, but there are plenty of ways they can try (quite easily).


Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:19

Ignore that video it's the wrong one!


Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:19

Thank you @Littlepaws18

OP posts:

Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:21

I’m very technical and stayed up all night. I have tracked the person down myself. It’s a man in Thailand. I told this to the police already and they’ve said in that case there’s nothing that can be done. All I can do is report him I guess? And remove all internet access. I’ve warned the other people in dd’s group chats too. Told them all to report him.

OP posts:

Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:23


BodenCardiganNot · 12/08/2022 11:24

What app was she/he using?


Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:24

Found it! It's been adapted by a school, you can fast forward the bits where the kids are asking questions, but the clip itself has a really strong message.


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 11:25

Are you insane?!

@NadineMumsnet if she can’t act responsibly and appropriately with the phone- she does not have a phone. It really is that simple. 🌻 sorry you’re going through this xx


Littlepaws18 · 12/08/2022 11:26

CEOP are the police force which specifically look into internet crimes particularly against children. I would still report it there even though the police haven't investigated, they have far more tools to find the vile person who did this.


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 11:30

ok that’ll teach me to read the full thread first!!

(the “are you insane was directed at a PP who advised OP not to take away DDs phone 🙄)

well done @NadineMumsnet for finding this creep!! It’s scary out there! Hopefully your DD will be more cautious who she trusts online in the future 🌻


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 11:32

Oh for [email protected] sake!!!!! I meant to tag OP not @NadineMumsnet

@Realitea xx


Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:32

@Littlepaws18 thanks I will try them.

OP posts:

Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:33

Nadine is going to be very confused @NotaCoolMum ! I knew who you meant though. Thanks. At least I know he’s not lurking in the same town. Still extremely unsettling though

OP posts:

NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 11:37

@WhippedSoap - you have to be joking?!

OP is doing everything to SAFEGUARD her DD- this isn’t about not hurting DDs feelings. It’s about PROTECTING her. This is exactly why kids and teens are so sensitive about everything nowadays. There are consequences for actions and those consequences sometimes don’t feel great and thats how we learn!


TheMousePipes · 12/08/2022 11:39

You can make a report on CEOP’s home page. Please report it to them, it’s their whole reason for existence to work on this kind of crime.


TheMousePipes · 12/08/2022 11:40

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