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DD has sent another child inappropriate messages

119 replies

Realitea · 11/08/2022 17:36

I feel absolutely awful about this. Dd is 11 and I just found out she’s been sending very rude messages to a boy in the year below. I’ve spoken to the mum. I felt so upset for her, me, the boy..
Dd has only had this phone for about six months and I thought I’d put all the parental blocking stuff on there. I remember doing it.
All her friends have phones but I just can’t let her have one now if she’s going to act so inappropriately. Why has she done this and what do I say to her when she gets home later? Anyone have any experience on how to handle this? There’s also a lot of really nasty bullying towards her and another girl on one of the apps they use.

OP posts:

maudesvagina · 12/08/2022 11:40


Jimmyneutronsforehead · 12/08/2022 12:01

I dont think she's ready for a phone but I'd list it plainly and clearly exactly why she isn't ready.

If she has been the victim of grooming, I wouldn't make her feel like it's her fault for being the victim of grooming. In fact I'd explicitly tell her so, but tell her the reason she's not ready for a phone that can do these things is because she needs to learn to be more savvy, learn about basic cyber security like having strong, unique passwords, and learning to trust you as her mum if there is anything that she perceives out of the ordinary, even just slightly.

I'd ask her why she felt like she couldn't tell you about this person to begin with, and that she shouldn't feel shame.

But you should impress that you thought she was more mature than she has behaved and there are strong implications of sexual harassment even surrounding language.

Let her earn the trust back but proactively offer learning resources.


Eon · 12/08/2022 12:16

PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 19:17

Then you're shockingly naive

I would say it's unusual for 11 year olds not to be aware of sexual terms and language

I guess I am too cuz I wouldn't think an 11 year old could know these things either.


Realitea · 12/08/2022 12:27

I’m on it already - thanks all. I think I’ll feel better once I’ve spoken to them

OP posts:

Mariposista · 12/08/2022 12:36

FGS take the phone off her. An 11 year old doesn't need an internet phone. If she needs a phone as she is walking alone to secondary/taking the bus alone, give her a basic call and text one.


tootiredforanything · 12/08/2022 12:36

You can get software that will highlight to you if inappropriate words are used in messages sent or received!


Pluvia · 12/08/2022 12:46

Realitea · 12/08/2022 11:21

I’m very technical and stayed up all night. I have tracked the person down myself. It’s a man in Thailand. I told this to the police already and they’ve said in that case there’s nothing that can be done. All I can do is report him I guess? And remove all internet access. I’ve warned the other people in dd’s group chats too. Told them all to report him.

So technical that you thought parental blocks would prevent your child from sending and receiving explicit messages?

And now it turns out to have been a mysterious man in Thailand all along? 🤔


Trinity65 · 12/08/2022 12:50

Pluvia · 12/08/2022 12:46

So technical that you thought parental blocks would prevent your child from sending and receiving explicit messages?

And now it turns out to have been a mysterious man in Thailand all along? 🤔

Feel better for kicking a woman when she is down ??

God there are some sanctimonious prats on here


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 12:53

@Pluvia must be amazing to never make a mistake!!

its clear that OP is doing everything she can to protect her DD so stop being such a sanctimonious arse.


Pluvia · 12/08/2022 13:10

I'm not kicking anyone, I'm smelling rat.


Realitea · 12/08/2022 13:20

Take your troll hunting somewhere else.

OP posts:

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 12/08/2022 13:21

How did he contact her in the first place? On what platform? And what did she give her password to?


MakeadealwithGod · 12/08/2022 13:30

I am very surprised the police said ‘there’s not much they can do.’ Did you report it as a crime?


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 14:31

@Pluvia I think your sense of smell is a bit off…


Realitea · 12/08/2022 14:38

First appeared on roblox then he found her or she told him how to find her on other apps

I’m not surprised by the police at all, I’ve had my own problems with a stalker for a year and despite over 100 incidents they’ve told me to ‘keep my head down’ and ignore it! Nothing they can do. So I don’t feel surprised at all. I’ve removed the internet for dd, I’ve tracked the weirdo and all I can do now is warn others and report him. I will report to ceop though

OP posts:

bcc89 · 12/08/2022 14:52

OP had me just thinking she was a bit naive, but now I know it's a troll. She tracked him down to Thailand 😂😂😂


Hira3 · 12/08/2022 17:57

NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 11:25

Are you insane?!

@NadineMumsnet if she can’t act responsibly and appropriately with the phone- she does not have a phone. It really is that simple. 🌻 sorry you’re going through this xx

Did you not read the updates??


NotaCoolMum · 12/08/2022 19:42

@Hira3 if you read the updates yourself- you’ll see I corrected myself immediately… 😙


BrimFullOfAsher · 13/08/2022 08:43

You said she was mortified that you found out and know everything though?

Weird reaction if she didn't send them

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