To correct nursery on DD's surname?

[Tigertealeaves]

I'm unmarried, have a DD in nursery and still together with her dad.

DD surname is Myname-DPname. This was important to me, she's my parents' only grandchild. DP already has older children with just his surname.

I've noticed that DP often fills in just his surname for DD on forms and writes it on her clothes, water bottle etc. I did ask him to stop.

Lo and behold today I went in for 'family day' and there was a big, beautiful, clearly 'special' book of all DD's work out for display. Labelled "Firstname DPname".

I'm cross but I feel petty for being cross and want a second opinion?

WIBU to contact nursery and mention this isn't her surname? They definitely have the right version on her paperwork, and I use it every time I get in touch or label stuff. However DP clearly hasn't been. This book is being shown to her as she learns to read, might be passed on to future teacher, sent home for keeps etc and I want to nip this in the bud both with DP and school.

BTW neither of our surnames are long or complicated.

But most importantly I want to share a name with my child just as much as her dad does! Especially as it would be v easy with our family setup for people to innocently assume I'm not her mum.

Excellent reason. My kids were double barrelled, and always use their full surname, but my daughter says she does get people checking if she really only wants to use part of it which she found odd.

I've left the problem of what she does with the next generation to her, but I like the idea of everyone having double barrelled surnames with the women passing on one part and the man passing on the other.

Do it now and make it clear to the school, Doctor, hospital, everything. We changed my daughters name by deed poll when she was 9 and she is now 33. Her father who is absent refuse adoption so it seemed the next best thing. I thought I had made it clear with everyone what her new name was and she still gets letters from the hospital in the old name. Bloody frustrating and more than annoying.

Totally out of order of your DP!!!

Absolutely make a big fuss with him. Personally I’d also email the nursery very politely and say please use full surname as per her birth certificate and sorry you know DP has been abbreviating but you’ve asked him not to again as her full name should be used. Copy him in.

Then yes buy stickers, stamps, etc for clothing with full name on.

Seriously out of order of your DP though.

You are not being unreasonable at all! My child has a double surname. Only one teacher has ever got it wrong and sent home a certificate with her father’s surname only. I sent it back and asked for a certificate with the correct name and made a complaint to the school. You should absolutely complain because if you don’t it will keep happening.

@drspouse that's not good advice, there are so many variables. I got married as I thought it would "protect" me and dc but in fact it made us far, far worse off than I ever could have imagined.

I remember this battle, complicated Spanish first surname, second surname uncommon English one, short but unusual, No hyphen!! Think Hernandez Hines
Persevere, it's important for both parents, half the world copes with two surnames, why can't the English nursery school system do it.
Child now 25, spelling and names worked out fine.
Good luck x

I found this post very interesting. I’m from a Muslim family and the women in our family don’t change their surnames after marriage. Culturally lots of Muslim women do but according to religion a woman keeps her surname after marriage. My girls have their dad’s surname and will keep it even after they get married.
Sorry this doesn’t actually help OP but I just thought it was interesting!

Think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill just tell them what she, is and you want her,to be knoen as. End of.

This. And remind them that the hyphenated name is her IegaI name, and shouId be used.

Definitely correct them, that obviously isn’t the name she was registered with at birth, I’d be miffed too.

Has everyone missed this:

I've noticed that DP often fills in just his surname for DD on forms and writes it on her clothes, water bottle etc. I did ask him to stop.

So the OP is going to go to nursery and say 'I know that we've written Jane Smith on the last ten forms, and all her water bottles, clothes etc are labelled Jane Smith, but please can you make sure that she's called Jane Smith-Brown.'

They will think you are nuts, saying that her father doesn't know her own name. This is a DP problem, not a nursery problem.

No, they will think her father needs to act like a big boy and bother himself to write the correct name, and they'll be right. It will not be the first time they've seen this, nor (alas) the last.

No, dozens of posters have said "DP problem not nursery problem". How did you miss them all?

IME even with double-barrelled surnames, the last name often just gets used as it's seen as the primary I guess. Similarly with double-barrelled first names, often the second bit gets dropped and people just revert to using the first name.

But lots are saying 'correct the nursery'

you can't correct them until you've changed all the labels on her stuff, her name on all the forms etc

I quite agree. You asked 'has everyone missed this?' Even if some (or lots) had, lots evidently had not.

@androidnotapple I get where you're coming from and agree is DP at fault. But I did need to give the nursery a heads up, because they had her EYFS work in a big book on display with the wrong surname printed on it. I can label the clothes but I can't fix that.

Issue is with your DP (or far from it), not the nursery. Seperate matter entirely.

Ask DP what could happen if your DD had to have medical help and they gave her medication/treatment for a child with a similar name & age who was just - for example Sam Brown instead of Sam Foster-Brown, or Sam Brown-Foster?
That first child may need something like insulin whereas yours might not, therefore they could accidentally harm your child, possibly kill her!!
Ask him what he'd think then?
Definitely push forward on her full name being used!!!